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1. The first iPhone came out June 29, 2007, which really paved the way for Candy Crush.
2. Janet Jackson performed at Super Bowl XXXVIII on Febuary 1, 2004, and Justin Timberlake showed the world one of her tits.
3. Facebook was launched February 4, 2004, and before your parents were allowed to sign up for accounts, it was pretty cool.
4. The Boston Red Sox ended the “Curse of the Bambino” on October 27, 2004 by sweeping the St. Louis Cardinals in the World Series.
5. Four Loko hit the market in 2005, and as a result, people got pregnant and died.
6. Grand Theft Auto III came out October 22, 2001, and children of the world were taught how to pick up hookers.
7. Michael Jackson died June 25, 2009 from acute propofol and benzodiazepine intoxication, which sounds wild.
8. “Malice at the Palace” occurred November 19, 2004, and Ron Artest was declared legally insane.
9. Twitter was founded March 21, 2006, and Justin Bieber was given a platform to tell the world he had the worst birthday.
10. DVR came out in 2007, and the ability to fast forward through commercials somehow made us all even less productive.
11. Kanye West began his career as the worst public speaker of all time in September 2005.
12. The Enron scandal was revealed in October 2001, and any hope of restoring the reputation of rich white guys in America was forever lost.
13. Smirnoff Ice caught a lucky marketing break when the entire country started “icing” each other in 2010.
14. Kim Kardashian’s sex tape was leaked in February 2007, and everyone was disappointed by her porn making abilities.
15. In 2004, the strongest earthquake in 40 years caused tsunamiwaves that devistated Thailand, India, Sri Lanka, the Maldives, Malaysia, Myanmar, Bangladesh, and Indonesia, reminding everyone how terrifying Mother Nature really is.
16. Wikipedia launched on January 15, 2001, and every single high school paper written since has been plagiarized.
17. Heath Ledger passed away due to acute intoxication by the combined effects of oxycodone, hydrocodone, diazepam, temazepam, alprazolam and doxylamine on January 22, 2008 after turning in one of the greatest acting performances of all-time as the Joker in The Dark Knight.
18. The first iPod was released October 23, 2001, making every ridiculous mp3 player that had previously been purchased completely worthless.
19. Fantasy football became widely available on the internet, leaving no man with an excuse as to why he doesn’t play, or why he drafted a dead guy.
20. Adderall XR came out in 2009, making lists like this possible.
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Ross Bolen
Ross Bolen is a New York Times Bestselling author, co-host of the Oysters, Clams & Cockles: Game of Thrones podcast, co-host of the Back Door Cover sports podcast, 2017 Masters attendee, bigger and more loyal Rockets, Astros and Texans fan than you, cheese enchilada aficionado, and nap god.
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@WRBolen
WRBolen
Kim Kardashian knows homemade porn the way a fat bitch knows fucking weight watchers.
Rest in peace, Four Loko. I blame you, Chuck Schumer.
Classic Wikipedia move: just use their citations. It’s called “research.”