We’ve all done it, and none of us are really ashamed. You meant to leave early for work, but whether it was because of traffic (in the Chick-fil-A drive thru line) or because you hit the snooze button one too many times, you ended up walking in the door 15 minutes late.

Inspired by the book, “Excuses and Lies (Lines For All Occasions)” and the fact that I was late for work this morning myself, this little list should help you on the days you’re not feeling so creative, but need an excuse to make yourself (and your boss) feel a little bit better.

Just a note, make sure to add a quirky detail and utilize your best annoyed/bitch face to make it believable. But please don’t bullshit something people will actually be able to figure out is false (i.e. don’t say you were stuck in traffic if your boss has the same commute, idiot).

1. I couldn’t find my keys this morning.
2. I forgot my work phone/briefcase/essential work item at home and had to run back to get it.
3. The neighbor above me flooded his bathroom this morning.
4. My bathroom flooded.
5. My kid threw up on me.
6. My dog threw up on me.
7. Someone was in my parking spot.
8. I couldn’t find a parking spot.
9. I had to park three blocks away this morning!
10. I got a flat tire.
11. SOMEONE SIDE SWIPED ME!
12. My car battery literally died while I was sitting in traffic.
13. Damn those sunshine delays.
14. Just another day of no one knowing how to drive in the rain!
15. I was stopped for speeding.
16. I was pulled over for not wearing my seatbelt.
17. I accidentally ran over my neighbor’s cat this morning.
18. The bus driver missed our stop…again.
19. I forgot my building access badge/key card.
20. Did you hear about that wreck? Traffic was awful this morning.

These are all pretty basic fibs, but they should get the job done. If you have kids, you shouldn’t even need this list.