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As you sit at the Thanksgiving table tomorrow, enjoying your turkey, stuffing and mashed potatoes, you know it will happen – that uncomfortable moment when the focus turns to you and the questions start flowing. Why did you get that $200,000 degree to make less than a quarter of that? When are you finally going to put a ring on that nice girl’s finger? When are you going to meet a nice boy and settle down? Isn’t about time you moved out of your parents’ house?
Of course, these are all questions you don’t have the answers for, and since you are hemmed in at the table by your brother on one side and cousin Larry on the other, your natural instinct to flee is no good. Instead, the only choice you have is to deflect. Since it can be difficult to think when your brain is slowed down by tryptophan, here are some prompts that you can use to move the conversation off you and onto less painful topics.
“Did anyone see what happened on (insert name of Shonda Rhimes show here)?” (This will work well on the women of your family)
“I think I have e-coli from eating at Chipotle.”
“Did Adnan do it?”
“That Putin dude is one crazy bastard, huh?
“Did you guys hear that (insert name of relative not present) is making porn now?”
“Has anyone watched Master of None yet?”
“Honestly, I think that whole climate change thing is bullshit.”
“I’m pretty sure Tom Brady knew about those deflated footballs.” (Maybe this only works at my house?)
“Hey Grandpa, what do you think about Caitlyn Jenner?”
“I think this turkey is a little dry, Mom.”
“Has anyone seen that video of girls dropping condoms on their heads ? Pretty sure that proves that Cousin Jamie’s baby wasn’t an accident…”
“At least I haven’t fucked up my career as bad as Johnny Manziel.”
“Donald Trump has some cool thoughts on immigration.”
“Guess what, (insert name of child at table) – there is no Santa Claus!”
“Who wants to go see Creed after dinner?”
“Seriously, isn’t it time for Peyton Manning to retire?”
“Starbucks is trying to kill Christmas !”
“Hillary 2016!”
“Anyone have any thoughts on how to defeat ISIS?”
“You know what I’m really thankful for this year? Xanax. And vodka.”
If all else fails, just have Adele’s new album cued up and ready to go on your phone. Works every time. .
Image via YouTube
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Jenna Crowley
Jenna used to be known as 2NOTBrokeGirls, but then one of the girls actually went broke, so she's struck out on her own. Jenna spends her free time saving the world, one sorority girl at a time (usually while wearing yoga pants), questioning why she decided to get a doctorate, documenting her love of all things cheese related, and hosting the new PGP podcast Don't Take It From Us. You can ask her anything you want about football, using your boobs to get what you want, and pizza at @JennaLCrowley on Twitter or via email at JennaLCrowley@gmail.com.
@JennaLCrowley
@donttakeitfromus
2NOTBrokeGirls, I appreciate you pushing out content on the biggest mail in day of the year. Thanks for keeping me entertained while I go through the motions at work.
Aw, you’re welcome!
“Pass the bourbon” and then you don’t care what the conversation is, you’ll just have a loud opinion on it.
I personally am going for those political topics. Can’t wait for the subtle racism.
Hillary sucks!
How are xanax and benzos so casually acceptable but everyone goes into full outrage mode at the mention of painkillers? You all realize that both classes of drug have extremely high potential for addiction and abuse, right?
That’s an odd takeaway from this article
There’s casual references to xanax all over this site, and in our generation in general. I’m not one to judge, I don’t care what people to do. I just think it’s hypocritical
It sounds like you need to head home early today.
lol. whatever. This site is a lame offshoot of TFM and the content is either reposted garbage from Reddit, the Chive, or buzzfeed. Been visiting less and less because it’s always disappointing and boring, and I’m perfectly content with not reading anymore at all. All y’all do is bitch and moan about problems I don’t have anyway. Maybe all of your jobs/lives wouldn’t suck if you didn’t choose shitty majors at shitty schools. I graduated a year ago, fully support myself, and have enough money to do whatever and go wherever I want.
Nobody is forcing you to be on here, bro. Lord knows we don’t want you.
And what non-shitty school did you go to wise ass? Harvard? And you must be in line to be CEO at daddy’s company? I think a lot of us fully support ourselves and have money to do whatever we want with it. You’re absolutely full of shit if you can’t relate to some of the problems on here and topics posted.
Eric? is that you?
[img src=”https://theboeskool.files.wordpress.com/2015/10/1414048964316.gif“]
#AllDrugsMatter
Take some addy, no one bats an eye. Take one or two hyrdocodine pills and everyone loses their minds.