======= ======= ====== ====== ====== ===== ==== ====== ====== ===== ==== ======= ======= ====== ====== ====== ===== ==== ====== ====== ===== ====
I have a friend. Let’s call him Tim. Tim is one of those priceless, irreplaceable friends who can hate like nobody’s business. Let’s say you’re utterly fuming about some ass-hat who did something, in the scheme of life, pretty insignificant (upstreamed your cab, made out with your prospect, whatever). Tim is the kind of dude that—no explanation need, no holds barred, will jump straight on the hate train with you. I hate them? He hates them. We’re both pessimistic, cynical assholes, and our friendship is one big, beautiful ball of hatred and fury.
The other day, we were bitching about adulthood. Like, do we really have to make ourselves food every day for the rest of our lives? Such B.S., right? (Although, it’s a bit of a stretch for us: I solely subsist on Minute Rice, he on PB&J’s.) It quickly transitioned into how adulthood in general blows, and how we hate most of the people we’re surrounded by.
But Tim isn’t one for the intangibles. Instead of just a solid eyeroll and a muttered curse out, Tim is active in his hatred. He started documenting all of the people he comes across who fill him with disgust. I was hooked.
The criteria for making the list is both concise and foolproof: Any time you see something that makes you say, “Damn it, I hate that person,” you write it down, stat. So with some inspiration from my dear friend, along with my own internal rage, I began a list of people worthy of our hatred. The beauty of this list is both its everlasting appeal and its ability to grow forever. To begin, the first fifteen:
1. People who STILL can’t get their goddamn homophones straight. You’re, your. It’s, its. Compliment, complement. My meatheads, I’m looking at you. Take a grammar lesson.
2. The guy who makes an “oof” face when he gets on a crowded bus at rush hour. I’m sorry, what exactly did you expect, sir?
3. People who meal prep. The other day, I legitimately thought I left my apartment wearing only one shoe, so. Let’s get some perspective here.
4. Guys who wear running sneakers with jeans. Just get a pair of non-athletic sneakers. That’s all. (If you need any fashion advice, HMU.)
5. Girls who wear dresses and/or skirts when it’s below 40. There comes a point where you don’t look hot and stupid. You just look stupid.
6. Natural early risers. If you get out of bed before 9 a.m. with a smile on your face, you’re a psychopath, guaranteed.
7. The friend who posts a Snap story but won’t text you back. It’s the ultimate digital middle finger: “Yeah, I saw your text. Yeah, I’m ignoring you.”
8. People who are flakey. Why you gotta be such a piece of garbage? Huh?
9. Go-getters. Do me a favor and go get yourself the hell out of my face.
10. People who eat hot food on public transportation. Coffee and a protein bar? I’ll allow it. A tupperware of spaghetti? GTFO.
11. Guy Fieri. You know why.
12. People who don’t have student loans. Don’t you dare tell me you know what it means to be broke.
13. People who get way too invested in any sports game in an inappropriate public setting (stadiums not included). I know, you’d die for the Patriots. Please leave your explosive grunts in the bedroom.
14. That person who didn’t get slapped in the face (or thighs, or butt, or gut) with the post-college metabolism plunge. What are you, a robot? Just get fat like rest of us.
15. Any and every adult who has their shit together. I hate you, but I want to be you. Help? .
Image via Shutterstock
Respond
@_cflammia
@tine_vogue
cflammia
lol your so write.
Shibby, that caused me physical pain.
You PC bro?
Whoa bro, are you trying to say Caitlyn Jenner is not a brave and stunning woman? Not cool bro. Check your privilege.
Shibby – what happened to Caroline Gould? She hasn’t posted in a while.
Yes, more Gould please
People who don’t speed up in the interstate on ramp.
People who speed up when you pass them in the right lane
People who drive 5 miles under the speed limit the second it gets a little cloudy.
People. All of them.
People who don’t use their blinkers when turning–or worse, turn it on at/as they execute a turn.
Other people in general on the road.
People who leave their blinkers on while driving on the highway. Are you fucking changing lanes or not?
People who drive below the speed limit at 7:45 am.
Blinkers are for the weak
Can we bring back Kara?
Same articles, better comment section.
Lol Kendra?
People…in general.
What would you classify as non-athletic sneakers? Genuinely asking for your aforementioned advice.
http://www.menshealth.com/style/sneakers-every-occasion
Linking to an article you wrote on the subject. PGPM.
Preciate it
Nike Roshe, Adidas Gazelle
I’ll be rocking Asics with jeans til the day I day, thanks
It’s hard to describe but casual/fashion tennis shoes often are made of a different material (like suede for example) and honestly just look like you wouldn’t want to play sports in them. Check out a GQ/Esquire/MensHealth Fashion thing and I’m sure you’ll run across an article about fashion sneakers without having to scroll down.
Having to wear running shoes with jeans because you have a bum foot… PGP
People who don’t know what they want to order. At a restaurant, at a coffee shop, at the drive thru. How did you wait to look at the menu until right when it’s time to order??
#TeamJeansAndSneaks
Guilty of frequently eating chipotle on the N/Q on the way home from work. Sorry.
People who ramble and can’t tell you want them to shut up. If you’re one those people who lacks this social awareness/can’t pick up body language cues, go fuck yourself.