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RIP my youth.
Graduating college may suddenly launch you into Real Adulthood™, but actually getting older is a quieter process. The kind that creeps up on you like a silent killer, unnoticed until you’re slathering on under-eye cream and it hits you— holy shit, I’m old. Here are some of the moments I had that exact realization.
I fall asleep on the couch during movies (and get mad at the person who wakes me up, insisting I was never asleep to begin with). Growing up, my mom used to do this all the time and I would laugh at her, not understanding how anyone could feel tired from an activity that literally requires zero energy. Now, falling asleep during Episode 1 of an HBO show and waking up hours later on the couch, in the middle of Episode 6, is practically a routine.
I realized that there are right and wrong ways to load a dishwasher. This was another thing my mother did that bewildered me. My sister, father, and I learned to do a half-assed job fake loading the dishwasher because my mother would inevitably redo it no matter how hard we tried. Recently, I caught myself chastising a coworker for how they loaded the dishwasher because “you can fit way more in there and none of the dishes are gonna get clean stacked that way.”
I understand having a mattress preference. As a small child and well into college, I could sleep on anything. Floor, ground, yoga mat, whatever. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve noticed it getting harder and harder to sleep on anything that isn’t a bed or occasionally, the couch (see above). To make matters worse, though, I recently took a trip and had to sleep on an unfamiliar mattress. The mattress in my Airbnb was a perfectly fine mattress, but I found myself waking up almost hourly because I couldn’t get comfortable, and then my lower back was sore for three days after.
Speaking of things that last three days — hangovers. Full disclosure, I’ve always had fairly bad hangovers. I have a weak stomach. But in college, a three-day bender would result in a mildly uncomfortable next morning. Maybe some scaries or a light case of nausea, but nothing like what I encounter now. If I don’t perfectly hydrate (16-ounce per alcoholic beverage) while drinking, I will have a terrible, weekend-long hangover.
I have the thought “I need more throw pillows” at least once a week. I’ve always been into fashion and décor, but my younger self thought more than a throw pillow or two was excessive. I didn’t understand the point of pillows you don’t really use. Now, I find myself absentmindedly fantasizing about having many throw pillows in a variety of colors and sizes, and I’ve actually made that fantasy a partial reality. And I see no signs of stopping any time soon.
I have become a “no shoe” household. Another thing I used to mock, unless said shoes were obviously dirty. But then I got an ivory colored (faux) cowhide rug and a beige couch and came to the realization that the world and people/pets are literal cesspools of germs and dirt. Suddenly I found myself using chalkboard markers to write “Please remove your shoes, thank you!” in that basic girl cursive font that’s used at every wedding reception ever.
I got stressed out about buying a dish drying rack. Two tier or one tier? Do I want stainless steel or plastic? If I get white, will it show dirt? Furthermore, does white even match my counters? These are real questions I was plagued with while purchasing something you use to rest clean dishes in while they drip dry. The worst part? I still haven’t decided on one.
I lusted over a $60 mop for a year and got super excited when I finally got it. To be fair, it was a hardwood floor cleaning kit. But to make matters worse, I used polishing the floors as a reward for completing other work. Plus, I sent a picture of this mopping kit to a handful of friends with the caption “Christmas in July!” and my mom responded, “LOL, you’re weird.” Boom, age shamed by my own mother.
My birthday is just another day. And this year, it was on a Tuesday. When my coworkers asked me how I was celebrating, I literally responded, “It’s on a Tuesday.” That said, my friends did end up talking me into going out and taking a few too many tequila shots, for which I suffered—you guessed it — a three-day hangover.
My curated ads are all for wedding registry or childcare. I don’t look at these things normally, so there’s no algorithm to blame here. The internet is just telling me what it thinks I should be doing based on how old it thinks I am.
In spite of all this, though, there are a few habits I have that give me hope for holding onto the last shreds of my youth, most notably:
I still can’t bring myself to eat the rind on brie cheese. Oh, and I cut the crusts off my sandwiches, too. .
Image via YouTube
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Serena from LA
Drier than a Napa Valley Sauv Blanc in the Mojave Desert. Best taken with a grain of salt.
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Yesterday I found out that kids read about 9/11 in a history textbook, instead of remembering it as something they’ve lived through
Overheard a 15 or so year old yesterday say “What even is the significance of 9/11 besides just the towers thing” and almost lost it in the grocery store.
I would be angrier at the parents for raising such an ignorant, selfish, garbage little twat.
I agree it should be a teaching moment given by parents, but why aren’t they also learning about what happened and why in their civics/American history classes? Hell, I remember learning about 9/11 all through middle and high school history courses. Are some school districts just omitting it from their agendas, or are kids just not paying any attention or don’t care anymore?
Because anything that would paint radical Islam in a bad way is avoided. It’s part of the agenda of much of the educational system to limit topics that could raise more questions about why things like terrorism happen.
Thankful for the teachers that know this is BS and teach the facts anyway.
Some people are raising way too much of a sheltered youth these days.
Dunno about others, but it’s for sure covered in the districts my wife and I work in. Pretty in depth as well. My class learns about it the days leading up, and then on 9/11 we watch footage from the day. I think that resonates more than textbook coverage.
I know it’s covered in the districts my friends teach in, and the one I grew up in. I did find out though that three of the districts in the city I now live in leave it up to the teacher to decide whether or not they want to teach it to their students at all. You’d think an event on our own soil that affected over 10,000 people by death or health causes and sparked a war would be considerable enough to teach in the classroom…
There are places that teach American history past the 1950’s? I don’t think my text book went beyond McCarthy-ism and the Red Scare.
Teacher over here. For the most part, only seniors were alive. Nuts.
That’s crazy, I’ll never forget seeing it on TV
I teach high school juniors. Many were in their mothers’ wombs.
Must have gotten new textbooks. I remember mine ended with the Iran Contra Affair. I’m not quite 30.
After 11 years, yesterday made the first day that marked true adulthood. I finally had the permanent lower retainer removed from my teeth. Its been a decade since there wasn’t metal glued in my mouth and I don’t know how I’m supposed to celebrate that. Margaritas??
Caramel apple?
Floss your lower front five teeth without using a floss threader
I thought you were supposed to live with the retainer for ever? This has been a shocking Wednesday!
Yeah turns out they can remove it and give you a nighttime retainer. The Ortho I saw said he did adult retainer removals all the time. Took under 15 minutes to get the thing off and have a mold made, picked up the clear plastic retainer that afternoon.
Go live your best life.
You can get them removed? I just figured I’d be buried with a metal wire in my mouth.
Serena hitting home with the movie naps.
At this point, The Office reruns are just white noise to fall asleep to.
I still get a few chuckles each episode.
This is why Thanos won.
HSIO moment: “dude, why are you making dad noises?”
If you don’t grunt like a powerlifter when you get off the couch, you’re disappointing your ancestors
Disappointing my ancestors since 1991. They’re used to it by now.
Good God, this is hit way too close to home today – especially the “My birthday is just another day. And this year, it was on a Tuesday” but just swap out Tuesday with Wednesday instead. Birthday’s just aren’t the same anymore…
Mine was a Monday and I didn’t even take a three day weekend.
Ah man, that’s rough. I ended up just working from home today so I didn’t have to get out of my pajamas…that’s as exciting as my birthday is going to get…
My 30th was on a Friday and I worked a full day and ate lunch alone
I feel like my brother’s the only person past 30 who still gives enough of a shit to take a day off for his birthday, it’s a trash move imo
Say what you will, but if taking my birthday off to get a massage, facial and gamble at the casino, all before noon, is a trash move, then call me a trash dinosaur.
I wouldn’t say trash move (way harsh,Ty) but I do think it’s pretty narcissistic to take a day off from work to celebrate, well, yourself. Whenever I hear that a co-worker is not at work because it’s their birthday, I do kind of cringe
Realizing that I buy scented candles regularly was one of my moments. Never gave it a thought when I was younger.
My roommate still doesn’t get the dishwasher thing and even though he ends up loading and unloading it more often than me (he’s a kitchen counter neat freak) I end up rewashing half of what he puts up so we both end up feeling slighted by the other. Good times
Go with the stainless steel dish drying rack instead of the plastic.
Took my 2 year old to a friend’s birthday party at a trampoline park. Jumped around like an idiot for a couple hours. Legitimately thought I had the flu the next days, turns out it was just complete and utter exhaustion/complete body aches.
Running into a former student of yours at your alma mater’s tailgate….that was enough to send me into an early mid-life crisis
People cut off the rind of Brie?? Always just assumed it was a packaged deal.
Did a three day bender and I’m 29….it’s over.
Most people don’t, but in this respect, I am a child. I think the rind tastes like crap and I won’t have it tainting the creamy deliciousness of a triple cream brie. Try it sometime, but know if you’re in the company of others, they may judge you (or laud you as a genius, depending on who your friends are).