10 Adult Things That I Suck At

1. Taxes


I owe taxes. OWE taxes. I thought only rich people ever OWED taxes after filing their tax return. WTF.

2. Sending an email to the correct person without typos


I will send an email to the wrong person or wrong email every day. I either get an initial notice of error, or send it to their home account that their 12-year-old is using for porn and neopets, so it never gets checked. Then, on the rare occasion that I get the email to the correct person, something is misspelled. I double check my emails, and my boss will still point out basic typos. I swear I took at least 3 semesters of English in college. They didn’t teach a damn thing about emails, and obviously didn’t teach me how to proofread either.

3. Fashion


Whether it’s ironing my pants and shirts, or something as basic as wearing socks, I can’t do it correctly. I recently found out that wearing a tucked in polo shirt makes me look ridiculous, and that 75% of my wardrobe isn’t acceptable anymore.

4. Drinking responsibly

Sunday Struggle

I limit how many times I go out a week, which is to say my wallet limits how many times I go out a week. However, I can’t go out without blacking out and doing something completely irresponsible/dangerous.

5. Budgeting


I think I saved $0.50 these past two weeks. I have a great budget typed out and printed, but I don’t follow it at all. Instead, I blow the “food” money on alcohol, and my “401k” goes straight to out of season sport coats at Nordstrom Rack.

6. Reading anything

read WEB.full

My boss has given me 4 books to read. I started two of them, and I’m on chapter 2 in one and chapter 4 in the other. That was a year ago. I can’t even read internet articles if they don’t incorporate pictures. Am I alone in this?

7. Watching the news


I know I should watch the news now that I’m an “adult,” but I can’t. I wake up early enough and put on ESPN instead of CNBC. I come home and I watch How I Met Your Mother reruns until I pass out. I didn’t know about the government shutdown until they already fixed it.

8. Working out


I tried waking up an hour early and working out. I made it two days in a row and then was hungover one morning and never went again. I tried working out after work, before dinner, and I was too hungry to finish my sets and went home and ate a full pizza. I can’t afford a personal trainer. No self discipline. However, being poor keeps me skinny. Perks of that Ethiopian diet.

9. Cooking


I burnt Mac & Cheese a few days ago. Enough said.

10. Getting laid sober


I think this occurrence is a myth, like the Yeti and Bigfoot.

Email this to a friend


Working stock research sales. Trying to become the next billionaire hedge fund manager. Ex-IFC Pres of a Pac 12 school. Enjoys beaches, golf, sunshine, happy hours, and his wife.

5 Comments You must log in to comment, or create an account
Show Comments

For More Photos and Content

Latest podcasts

Download Our App

Take PGP with you. Get

New Stories

Load More