The choices we make nowadays can tell people lots about us. Everything from what you watch on Netflix to what kind of pizza you like to what you drink gives those around you a clue into your psyche, and that includes what font you chose to use at work. In my professional life, a lot of my time is spent reading emails and documents, so I’ve given a lot of thought as to what the font people use says about them. So I’ve come up with a completely unscientific assessment of what the font you use at work says about you.
If you actually use Comic Sans in any kind of work related document, I automatically assume one of two things about you: A.) you are over the age of 60 trying to look cool, or B.) you’re drunk. The only time it is actually acceptable to use Comic Sans is if both A and B are true. (Mom, I hope you’re reading this.)
I was on the date the other night and the guy told me how a friend of his actually got the word “Helvetica” tattooed on his back in a different font. I know Helvetica is supposedly like the Switzerland of fonts – the one that the most people find least offensive, but the assholes that find that joke funny enough to permanently imprint it on their body? These are the people that use Helvetica.
Times New Roman
All of my papers for grad school have to be written in 12 point Times New Roman font, and it hurts. Lord knows writing papers is boring enough, but to have to write them in the most old-school, traditional font? That’s painful. Anyone that uses Times New Roman voluntarily is as boring as this font is – this is a person who only enjoys missionary, irons their boxer shorts, and has a highly organized sock drawer.
Times New Roman’s slightly less boring cousin, it’s the one that’s used when people don’t want to seem as unexciting as TNR but can’t commit to any sexier font. Arial sort of reminds me of guy I went out with a while back – he was nice enough, but he just didn’t do anything for me. Since I didn’t have a good reason to dump him, I just dated him until something better came along.
It’s less about the font and more about the name – you just like anything that sounds fancy. You always order the grande latte at Starbucks, you are fully committed to the French manicure, and all of your clothing – down to your socks – is designer. Despite its swanky-sounding masculine name, this font sort of looks like my nana’s handwriting, so she’s all I picture when I see it.
Historical fact: Verdana was the chosen font of MySpace. Therefore, people that are still using Verdana are probably still stuck in 2008 listening to Danity Kane. That being said, the only Verdana that I want in my life is one that moves the “D” after the “N” so I can sit on it with an umbrella drink in my hand.
Oh, so you’re kind of easy, huh? Because that’s the perception that Gigi and her slightly older, sluttier sister Curlz give off. And while that’s a totally appropriate vibe to give off in an e-card or a sorority newsletter, it’s not really suitable for the workplace, unless you’re gunning for the title of Office Tramp.
Listen up, you faux hipster you. No one is fooled into thinking you are using this typewriter-esque font ironically as a nod to a time when there were real writers as opposed to anyone with a blog calling themselves one. Instead, the ironic part is that I found your blog from 2012 in which you waxed poetic about Sperrys and croakies. Who’s the phony now? .
Image via Unsplash