How does one measure their sex life: In orgasms? Number of partners they’ve sexually disappointed? Amount of tears shed, in gallons? How about decibel level and noise complaints to the city government? If you chose the last one, congratulations, you might be the Brooklyn couple that is having the loudest sex in all of New York City, according to 311, New York City’s official non-emergency government services hotline; aka, the Complaining Box for whiny New Yorkers to call when the bodega next door doesn’t ice their sidewalk in the winter.
In 2014, the city received the most sex-related noise complaints from 7201 Ridge Blvd. in Bay Ridge, Brooklyn, all about the same couple and their raucous bedroom activities. For the record, this couple moved into the building in October of 2014, so they racked that shit up quickly. Here were some of the choice complaints, per PIX 11 News:
“Neighbors are having very loud sex with the windows open that can be heard throughout the whole bldg. [sic]”
“I’m not a prude but there are kids in the building, and it was just a ridiculously loud amount of noise being made that the first time another woman yelled out her window, ‘Shut your f–ing windows you whore!’”
One tenant can’t even eat breakfast without hearing them do the horizontal hora. “They go in all places in the apartment: the bedroom, the living room, the front door,” said resident Siddarth Shah. “You can hear it. A lot of moaning, the woman mostly. She screams, `Yes! Yes! Yes!’”
According to the Daily News, the pervy perpetrators in question are a blonde woman living on the fourth floor and her boyfriend of two years, a handyman who lives in the building. Man, talk about life imitating art. Has anyone ever made an adult film about that scenario?
The cops were called and came to the building multiple times, but never quite caught the couple in the act. They wouldn’t verify if they were coming to that apartment in question. But someone was certainly coming…or faking it well.
“They go for 15 minutes at a time or more sometimes,” said Shah. “They are having a good time.”
Some people don’t seem to mind the noise. Disabled veteran Leroy Spigner, who lives in another very sexually active building in Bed-Stuy, Brooklyn, says he doesn’t see the problem.
“I feel that’s their business,” said Spigner. “They’re enjoying themselves. I’d rather hear that than domestic violence.”
Damn straight, Spigner.
According to PIX 11 News, Brooklyn wins for the most obnoxious sex sounds last year with 42 complaints, compared to 37 in Queens, 31 in the Bronx, 23 in Manhattan and not one complaint in Staten Island. Maybe the lack of Staten Island love is because residents live in proper houses as opposed to apartment buildings, because it’s more suburban, or maybe it’s because nobody gives a shit about Staten Island. It’s the land that time forgot. Hey, Jersey, wanna buy it from the city? Our 8-foot-tall Mayor might give you a good deal..
[via The New York Daily News]
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