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Things Millennials Would Rather Sign Up For Than Obamacare

 

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When Barack Obama promised “Change” back in 2008, he obviously wasn’t taking into account the one thing that will never change: 18-34 year olds never being satisfied with anything, ever.

Never has this been more prevalent than it is now with Obamacare, the President’s foolish plan for the government to offer universal healthcare to anyone who wants it. Yeah, we totally have to get the government involved in everything so they can do the bang-up job that the government always does whenever they take something over. If there’s one thing America needs, it’s for hospitals to start operating like your county tax office or the DMV.

Then came the Harvard poll that showed 57% of millennials (Those born from 1983-2000) currently disapprove of Obama’s signature law. In fact, one third of 18-29 year olds without medical coverage say that they would not enroll. So what would they rather sign up for?

  1. A Nickelback fan appreciation Facebook page.
  2. The Jelly of the Month club.
  3. Rex Kwon Do.
  4. Any sort of voluntary, unpaid corporate seminar.
  5. CrustyOldBabes.com
  6. A vacation to Winnipeg.
  7. A tribal armband tattoo convention.
  8. A TED Talk about anything other than cool science stuff.
  9. An investment opportunity presentation from a guy you went to high school with.
  10. A three-hour taping of a Kreayshawn/Rebecca Black acoustic show.
  11. A continuing-education class on American foreign policy taught by Natalie Maines.
  12. A live reading of Buzzfeed articles by Fran Drescher.
  13. A cruise to North Korea.
  14. CrossFit, apparently.
  15. A TBS original programming daily newsletter.
  16. A company-wide Microsoft Office instructional lecture.
  17. Do high school all over again as a 23-year-old.
  18. That thing at the end of Fight Club where they blow up all of the credit card companies’ headquarters.
  19. Dinner with Kimye where you’re not allowed to talk and no one will ever know it happened.
  20. A BYU Young Alumni happy hour.
  21. Lunch with a sober David Lee Roth in which you are not allowed to ask any questions about his life from 1981-1995.
  22. Sitting in on a town hall meeting run by Tea Party members.
  23. Sitting in on a town hall meeting run by Occupy Wall Streeters.

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Brian McGannon

What do I love? I love happy hour, a good golf tan, and getting moderately drunk during dinner.

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