There’s Now A Category Of People Called ‘Affluent Millennials’ And They Sound Kind Of Horrible

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There's Now A Category Of People Called 'Affluent Millennials' And They Sound Kind Of Horrible

If you’re anywhere between the ages of 23 and 35, you’re inundated with the stereotype that we’re all victims of our surroundings. Just slaves to the companies we work for, chained to our desks, constantly expected to respond to work emails late at night when you should be scrolling Instagram instead.

But it turns out that there’s a whole new slew of people out there called “Affluent Millennials” that put that stereotype to shame. KOB describes them as the following:

Were you born between 1981 and 1997, and do you live in a household with investable assets of more than $100,000? If so, you are one of the 15.5 million US residents considered an Affluent Millennial.

You’re probably thinking, “Investable assets of more than $100,000?” And yeah, I get it. Most of us consider “treating ourselves” to be buying a bottle of wine with two digits in front of the decimal instead of one. The survey done by the Boston College Center of Wealth and Philanthropy went on to describe the intricacies of being an “affluent millennial,” and I kind of want to punch all these people directly in the face.

It went as follows.

Independent and Optimistic. Affluent Millennials understand the value of financial advisors, as 87% of respondents considered them important and 37% consider them a “must-have.”

Financial advisors? I mean, I’m not exactly struggling financially, but I can pretty much tell you exactly how an honest conversation with my financial advisor would go — “Hey Will, stop eating out for every meal and stop blowing $100+ on material possessions that second your paycheck hits your bank account every other Friday.” It’s a simple strategy, really.

Loyal Yet Willing to Shop. Once Affluent Millennials choose their brands, they remain loyal to those brands. A whopping 94% of Affluent Millennials are either very loyal or somewhat loyal to their chosen financial institutions, with 47% identifying as “very loyal.”

I think most people our age are “loyal” to their financial institutions because they’re pretty much prisoners to their debt. Like I can’t just roll into Chase and tell them I’m taking my money and running. They’d laugh in my face and say, “Yeah, okay, buddy. Why don’t you pay off that credit card in full first and then we’ll talk.”

Ambitious. Affluent Millennials think big. They are three times more likely to strive to establish a charitable foundation and three times more likely to intend to start their own business. Again, control is important.

Charitable donations? Uh, duh. The cute checkout girl at the grocery store asked if I wanted to donate a dollar to a cause that I knew nothing about the other day. I wasn’t about to decline and act like I couldn’t afford to drop a dollar on somethin’ so I obviously obliged. So yeah, I guess you could call me charitable as hell.

More Debt and More Savings. Affluent Millennials are not afraid of debt. While half of Affluent GenXers have at least one loan aside from a mortgage, two-thirds of Affluent Millennials do. However, Affluent Millennials also save more out of their paychecks. More than one-third of them put over 50% of their paycheck into savings.

Wait, one-third of these motherfuckers save over 50% of their paychecks? Not to sound like the uppity asshole that guilts you for leaving at 4:50 on a Friday, but… must be nice, guys. These people aren’t just affluent, they’re a mixture of ballerness and responsibility. Big ups.

Social Media Emphasis. If you have no social media presence, you simply cannot do business with the average Affluent Millennial. 90% of respondents said that social networks are important for financial content and advice, and 39% consider them as must-haves. Affluent Millennials look for social networks for financial advice, opinions, and product reviews.

I follow WSJ on Twitter and have several financial apps on my iPhone purely so people looking over my shoulder think, “Damn, this dude closes deals.” But I guess if complaining to United Airlines about their shitty flight attendants counts as offering my opinions on social media, then yeah, I’m an affluent millennial.

Purpose and Image. Affluent Millennials are attracted to companies that not only make money but also have visions and values that match their own. They seek to validate those opinions through social media networks, both personal and professional.

I mean, if by “visions and values” you mean I go to lululemon because that’s where hot rich people shop, then again, I’d consider myself to be an affluent millennial. But those people are probably shopping there because they work out and can afford their clothes, whereas I’m just trying to be comfortable when I’m hungover.

To each their own, I guess.

[via KOB]

Image via Shutterstock

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