Editor’s Note: In case you didn’t know, we actually have an unofficial Post Grad Problems Reddit fan page that has turned into a pretty solid community that’s moderated by noted Twitter user and commenter, The Chilis Guy. Below is his story, presented without comment and very few edits.
I was talking to this girl off Bumble a few months ago and things felt a little off. She wasn’t my normal type so I attributed it to that. After about two weeks of talking and her ignoring my Snapchat add, I went with my normal mantra and said, “Fuck it, let’s do it” when she asked to grab drinks after work one Thursday.
Living at home with my parents, I was drinking alone while they were at some event, texting her while drinking and telling her about how we had just put up our Halloween decorations. I texted her a picture of the wreath my mom had put up on our front door (she asked about it).
About ten minutes later, the doorbell starts ringing. I can see the front door from the kitchen and see someone I don’t recognize standing there. So the person walks away. I figure it’s some door to door religious person, thinking nothing of it for two seconds. I sit down. A knock at my back door, which I am sitting right by. I turn my head seeing that same large figure. She remotely resembles my match. Instead of me getting up to go get the door, she decides to open it up and come inside, uninvited. Somehow this girl decides the best course of action is to come to my parents’ house.
Now I’m fine with picking and choosing your pictures to show you in the best light. Hell, a little face tune never hurt no one, but this girl was about 250 pounds more than her pictures implied, and now she’s in my parents’ house. It would not shock me if she’s the reason The Cowboys are doing fantastic this year. Her opening line with me? “Hope you don’t mind that I stopped by before our date,” she says softly as she fucking tries to sit on my lap. Needless to say, I questioned how she found me, why she was at my house, what drugs she is on, etc., which she avoids answering as she keeps trying to come on to me.
She said something about a dice game she brought over, but I was doing my best to think of ways out of this nightmare. I texted the group text, begging for help. Thankfully, my friend u/Bourbon_Blonde is a true bro and was willing to call me, say she had a flat tire and needed me to come change it. Thankfully, Miss Break-In bought it. I got her out and immediately left after locking every door twice, meeting up with Allison at The Rustic for a story for another time.
This girl still fucking texts me to this day and I still fear she’s going to come over to “surprise me” again but with a knife. Or a pistol. Or a bag of her own urine for me to use as cologne so I think of her. I’d prefer the knife. .
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