I bought a loofah a few weeks back because my old one was getting pretty gross. If there is one thing I don’t skimp on, it’s shower products. The shower shelf in my current bathroom rivals any 24-year-old girl (and probably a lot of salons) for dank products. If you walked in right now, you’d see a Paul Mitchell Awapuhi Soap Bar, Aveda Scalp Benefit Balancing Shampoo, and some Bumble and Bumble conditioner for blonde hair only. I also use an exfoliating face wash from Kiss My Face, but I’ll get to exfoliants in a minute. Get your Pert Plus away from me. That shit you pay two dollars for at the CVS down the street is slowly killing your hair every day. Pony up some extra cash and get some better hair care products, you heathens.
I spent way more than I should have on this loofah. Handle made of oak, an ergonomic design, the whole nine yards. So yeah, 50 bucks on a loofah was probably too much, but you can’t put a price on exfoliation. So I leave the loofah hanging in my shower, and I recently had a guest stay the night who commented on it. The guest also wanted to know where my washcloths were. “Washcloths? You mean hand towels?” I said.
I was dumbfounded. And my guest was incredulous when I told her I didn’t carry washcloths. She said it’s a very common thing to have for visitors using your shower. Did she mean she wanted a towel for her hands? No, because I have hand towels in my bathroom. So I thought, “Oh, okay, yeah, maybe she wants to take her makeup off.” No, no. She wanted to wash her face and body in the shower using a washcloth.
To properly explain the following argument I had, I need to give you a quick rundown of my shower routine. I wash my hair every other day. I lather my body with the bar of soap and then follow that up with my loofah. I use my hands to wash my face with an exfoliant. My guest was claiming that using a bar of a soap on my bare body and then washing my face was somehow dirty. But isn’t using the same washcloth every day to soap your body and face up just as dirty?
This statement opened up a Pandora’s box of questions for me. I legitimately had no idea that in the year of our Lord 2016 there are still people using fucking washcloths. Are you people living in Renaissance England? Do you churn your own butter too? Get with the times. With all of the technological advancements we as the human race have made, how have washcloth users not upgraded to loofahs or at the very least a shower pouf?
I just refuse to believe this. Like you can’t use your hands to apply face wash? First of all, I know for a fact that my visitor had brought a bag of products of her own to use in the shower. Most body washes that are sold today exfoliate without having to use a washcloth. And then what do you do with the washcloth once you’re done with it? Do you just leave it hanging in the shower all day to get all damp and moldy? What’s the shelf life on a single wash cloth in between washes? If you’re sitting there as a washcloth advocate saying that you use a new washcloth everyday, you’re a fucking liar. Straight up.
Who has the time or foresight to have SEVEN clean washcloths available for a week’s worth of showers? And then what happens if you need to take two showers in one day? I’ve been on team two showers a day since I entered the workforce following college. I take one before work and one immediately following work because sitting in a cubicle for 8 hours a day is not conducive to smelling good. I’m shuddering just thinking about how many times per day I’m touching something that has errant piss on it from some guy who didn’t wash his hands properly. Can’t go without two showers every day. But my argument against washcloths is the same one that was being used to support the very idea of them.
Listen, I’m all for being clean. That’s one of the reasons why I splurged on my loofah. So I guess my question is this: are there a lot of people like my friend? Am I, the non-washcloth user, a minority? I’m certainly not going to ditch my loofah in favor of buying a million washcloths. To me, they seem outdated, incredibly unnecessary, and a hassle to keep clean. Just buy a loofah. And if you ever come over to use my shower don’t expect me to provide any washcloths. You’ll be laughed out of my building before you can even say “Paul Mitchell.” .
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