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5 Awful Postgrad Business Ideas

Albert Einstein once said, “If at first the idea is not absurd, then there is no hope for it.” So dream on, you dreamers.

Opening a Bar

Bar Rescue - Canyon Saloon - Spike TV

Why You Think It’s A Good Idea:
-You can hire your friends.
-Potentially very profitable.
-Sleep ’til noon everyday.
-Free booze.

Why It’s A Terrible Idea:
-Free booze that you’re paying for.
-Gigantic startup costs.
-You’ve never even worked at a bar.
-Insuring it will be a nightmare.

Opening a Restaurant

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Why You Think It’s a Good Idea:
-You love Top Chef.
-Your chili is actually really good.
-You had a summer job at a restaurant. Well, not technically a restaurant. A snack bar.

Why It’s a Terrible Idea:
-Restaurants fail more than any other business. Even Chili’s and Applebee’s close on the reg.
-If you don’t get on the Food Network or Travel Channel within three years of opening, you’re fucked.
-Two words: food costs.
-You’ll be there all the time. No, like, all the fucking time.

Opening a Coffee Shop

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Why You Think It’s a Good Idea:
-Everyone drinks coffee.
-Your neighborhood is lacking a good, locally-owned coffee shop, despite there being seven Starbucks within walking distance of your apartment.
-You love coffee and poetry.

Why It’s A Terrible Idea:
Friends hasn’t been on the air for a decade and Central Perk was a shitty coffee house to begin with.
-Everyone just goes to Starbucks anyway.
-You’ll have to sell at least 300 venti lattes a day to break even. Do the math.

Opening a Bookstore

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Why You Think It’s A Good Idea:
-I have no idea why you would think this is a good idea.
-Although on one hand, it might be good to promote intelligence and positive discussion in your community. Nope, nevermind.
-Don’t do this. Seriously. Listen to me.

Why It’s A Terrible Idea:
-No one reads actual books anymore. Now, if you want to sell textbooks to college kids, do that. Do that so hard. Rip those overprivileged idiots right off.

Buying a Blockbuster Franchise

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Why You Think It’s A Good Idea:
-You just came out of a 15-year coma.

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Brian McGannon

What do I love? I love happy hour, a good golf tan, and getting moderately drunk during dinner.

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