Columns

21 Power Moves You Can Pull At A Wedding

This is a recurring PGP series. Catch up with all installments of Power Moves by visiting the archive.

Screen Shot 2014-06-10 at 5.54.15 PM

  1. Give the usher the “no thanks, I got this” hand motion when he attempts to seat you.
  2. Shush anyone who makes a “Wedding Crashers” reference during the ceremony.
  3. Make a loud “ERRRRRRRRRRR” buzzer noise if/when the ceremony lasts longer than an hour.
  4. Make sure you’re within the proper distance to give the vocalist and both readers your best bedroom eyes.
  5. Shake the priest’s hand and let him know you “look forward to getting out of here in a tight 20.”
  6. If you’re not in the wedding, A) Why are you even at the ceremony? and B) Find your way onto the party bus that goes from the church to the reception.
  7. If you’re in the wedding and subsequently on the party bus, play DJ.
  8. Call the ushers the “B Team.”
  9. Smile and wave your card to the crowd before setting it on the gift table in a manner that says, “I bet you didn’t give them this much money.”
  10. Keep saying what a beautiful day it is, regardless of the weather.
  11. Refer to your table as the fun table.
  12. Clap sarcastically after the maid of honor’s speech.
  13. “You guys trying this?” to everyone at the table who’s eating the exact same thing as you.
  14. Wait until the band is at least four songs in before you loosen your tie and roll up your sleeves.
  15. Forego dancing with kids. Moms and aunts only.
  16. Go bridesmaid or go home.
  17. Locate a closet. Doesn’t have to be that big.
  18. “Room 714. Big party later. Spread the word.”
  19. When the going gets tough, the tough start hitting on servers.
  20. Shove the guy in the longest relationship toward the front during the garter toss.
  21. dafb9f0f20cca34761ae8d8b01028f78936848577-414x800

Email this to a friend

Brian McGannon

What do I love? I love happy hour, a good golf tan, and getting moderately drunk during dinner.

11 Comments You must log in to comment, or create an account
Show Comments

For More Photos and Content

Latest podcasts

Download Our App

Take PGP with you. Get

New Stories

Load More