======= ======= ====== ====== ====== ===== ==== ====== ====== ===== ==== ======= ======= ====== ====== ====== ===== ==== ====== ====== ===== ====
I don’t understand the future. I really don’t. Remember a few months back when Snapchat let you send money to friends via the app, thus giving your nudes a monetary value? Well, now Facebook wants to get into the money game, announcing today that all users of their Facebook Messenger app will be able to instantaneously send money to friends. Yeah, the same Facebook Messenger they forced us all to download a few months back because they wanted to take messaging out of the main Facebook app? Good-for-nothing jerks.
For the record, when I say “all users”, I mean “all American users”, but, well, this is America, and America’s the only country that matters, so, “all users.”
Facebook, the social networking giant that made nerds cool, announced today that users of its Messenger app would be able to link their debit cards to the service and use it to message money to each other, the same way you’d send a picture, a text, or one of those obnoxiously large emojis. Seriously, I had a girl send me something called an Angry Clam yesterday because I didn’t message her back fast enough. Then she sent an Angry Potato. This is definitely an app I want linked to my bank account.
Apparently, this is a big deal in the tech world. Thanks to Facebook’s massive reach, this should be a huge boon to services like Venmo that merge payments and social networking. Instantaneous peer-to-peer money transfers is huge in other countries, like China, so this could be huge. Facebook Messenger is one of the largest messaging platforms in the world, with more than 500 million monthly users, not to mention the $22 million they sunk into buying WhatsApp.
Personally, they should send US money for making us switch over to Facebook Messenger. Two apps for one service? Fuck that. That’s anti-convenience. THIS IS THE FUTURE, MAN. GET WITH THE TIMES..
[via The New York Times]
Image via Kritchanut / Shutterstock.com
Respond
@JayTasShow
@FireJayTas
You should probably clarify what it means when a girl sends you an “Angry Clam.”
I laughed.
Pocket clams never get angry
Dear Jay Tas:
I have been requested by the Nigerian National Petroleum Company to contact you for assistance in resolving a matter. The Nigerian National Petroleum Company has recently concluded a large number of contracts for oil exploration in the sub-Sahara region. The contracts have immediately produced moneys equaling US$40,000,000. The Nigerian National Petroleum Company is desirous of oil exploration in other parts of the world, however, because of certain regulations of the Nigerian Government, it is unable to move these funds to another region.
You assistance is requested as a non-Nigerian citizen to assist the Nigerian National Petroleum Company, and also the Central Bank of Nigeria, in moving these funds out of Nigeria. If the funds can be transferred to your name, By Facebook Messenger, then you can forward the funds as directed by the Nigerian National Petroleum Company. In exchange for your accommodating services, the Nigerian National Petroleum Company would agree to allow you to retain 10%, or US$4 million of this amount.
However, to be a legitimate transferee of these moneys according to Nigerian law, you must presently be a depositor of at least US$100,000 in a Nigerian bank which is regulated by the Central Bank of Nigeria or Facebook Messenger
Signed,
Prince Shibby
I don’t know what kind of “prescription drugs” you’re taking, but can I have the name of your doctor?
Wow, what a terrible idea Facebook.