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I am (very luckily) at the point in my life where I am able to pay people to do the stuff I could take care of myself, but simply don’t want to do anymore. I have a landscaper to mow my lawn. I send my laundry out. I have a standing bi-weekly appointment at the nail salon. I justify these expenses by claiming I am too busy with work and school and a mediocre social life to be bothered with doing these trivial things myself, but the fact of the matter is, I’m just lazy. Plus, if there are services that can do these things for me, why not?
Well, adding to the list of things you can have done for you is a woman named Caroline Sinders, who has dubbed herself a “Social Media Break Up Coordinator.” What the hell does that mean? Well, pretty much that you can now pay someone to un-connect your digital world from those you want to cut ties with, whether it be an ex-boy/girlfriend or an annoying co-worker.
Although Sinders dreamed this concept up as “a speculative job and art project” that was designed to poke a bit of fun at the fact that “you can outsource any handling of your life to someone else,” it’s actually turned kind of legit, with Sinders holding her first “office hours” this past weekend, doling out advice and “prescriptions” on index cards. Among the services Sinders provides, according the The Daily Dot:
• Unfriending an ex for you
• Deleting photos from your phone or social media profiles
• Erasing someone’s contact information from your phone (but keeping it for you just in case you want it back)
• Creating emails to send to over-sharing coworkers
• Unfollowing or unfriending accounts associated not just with the person you want to forget, but their connections, too.
According to Sinders, her services aren’t that much different than the ones I already pay for: “The thing I noticed is that once you start to get to know someone and that relationship sours … it’s still really hard to mute someone that you know that is being mean to you or won’t talk to you, or broke up with you, or you hurt them. That doesn’t feel good for most people. It’s a manual labor you have to do, and when you’re in a high-stress or highly emotional place, it’s another frustrating thing — it’s a mechanism that adds to the frustration of living.”
Sure, it seems a bit silly to pay someone to do all of these things when I could simply unfriend people and delete numbers myself. But I could also mow my own lawn, wash my own clothes and do my own nails… so where do I sign up? .
Image via Shutterstock
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Jenna Crowley
Jenna used to be known as 2NOTBrokeGirls, but then one of the girls actually went broke, so she's struck out on her own. Jenna spends her free time saving the world, one sorority girl at a time (usually while wearing yoga pants), questioning why she decided to get a doctorate, documenting her love of all things cheese related, and hosting the new PGP podcast Don't Take It From Us. You can ask her anything you want about football, using your boobs to get what you want, and pizza at @JennaLCrowley on Twitter or via email at JennaLCrowley@gmail.com.
@JennaLCrowley
@donttakeitfromus
I’m starting to really look at the big picture, here. You can pay someone to break up with your significant other, and then you can pay someone else to delete your ex from your social media. Let’s take it a step farther. For a $5,000 retainer and $50 per billable hour, I am offering my services on the following: creating a Tinder account for you, wooing potential matches on said Tinder account, maintaining conversation with your new boyfriend/girlfriend via text and social media (including damage control when you fuck up), break up with them via text or phone call, and then delete them from your social media. I am now accepting new clients.
Sign me up.
Kid Cudi said it best.