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*Sniffle*
*Sniffle sniffle*
Oh god. Oh no. *Sniffle* Oh no, not today! Ugh…it hurts so much. Crap, now my stomach is cramping up. Speaking of crap, well, you don’t want to know. I’m not sure if it’s the flu or food poisoning. Frankly, it could be either. I know I was definitely underdressed last night, plus I ate some shitty Mediterranean food too so it’s a toss up. I can tell you for sure that this definitely has nothing to do with the 40+ use-it-or-lose-it sick time hours I’ve accrued this year. Definitely not.
Look, frankly, it would be a really bad idea for me to come into work today. I don’t want to risk getting everyone sick, you know? All it takes is for one person to not wash their hands and this thing, whatever it is, will spread through the office like a California wild fire.
Oh, that steak, eggs, toast, and coffee breakfast I made this morning? No, no don’t misinterpret that. I read somewhere that if you eat more protein it helps your body repair faster. That’s why I really went all out with that one. Plus, that chill music I was playing while cooking? It was definitely just to soothe my headache that also is ailing me as of 10 minutes ago.
I think it’s also important to note that anything that you may see me post on social media was absolutely planned and edited last night. That concert photo? Obviously from last night, even though it’s time stamped as posted this afternoon. Any tweets you see were scheduled out and are no way affiliated with me taking the day off. Like I said, I really am upset that I’m not going to be able to come into work today.
*Cough*
*Cough cough*
Shit, now coughs are involved. Yeah, this was a good call.
One other quick thing- if you happen to see me out today, it’s not because I want to be out. The last thing that I want to do when I have either flu or food poisoning you decide is go to the gym and then grocery shopping. The thing is, 5k Friday is really important to me nowadays because I’m trying to get rid of relationship gut. Plus, I needed to pick up more eggs because I used the rest of them when making breakfast. Oh, and cold and flu medicine and some saltines for my flu or food poisoning.
I really do appreciate all the well wishes from everyone. It’s great to know that you all care, and that you’re looking out for me. All I ask is that you don’t worry about me. I’ve been sick before, I’ll be sick again (probably next Friday but that’s up in the air). Either way, as we all know, if I were in the office, you would probably just hear me complaining the whole time. That’s my way of getting over illness, incessant complaining.
How long does flu or food poisoning usually last? I’ll be honest, it could be all day. Could be all weekend, for all I know. However, I have a sneaking suspicion that it’ll probably start feeling better at around 5:00 p.m. tonight when my girlfriend gets off work. Definitely by 7:15 tonight when the movie we’re seeing starts. Well, “definitely” might be a strong word. We can never be sure about these things, right? But, yeah I can say it’ll probably be better by tonight.
I’ll tell you what, too, it’s not like I would have even wanted to stay home from work on a day like this anyway. It’s all snowy and gray. I’m taking absolutely no pleasure in being bundled up under a blanket with a space heater next to me watching The Office as the snow gently falls on the windowsill of my large bay window. I might even make some hot tea and put on an old Bright Eyes record later on, but that’s only if I get bored with the thousands of shows on Netflix, HBOGo, and Hulu.
I hate being sick, and staying home from work is honestly just making it worse.
*Looks at fake camera in the corner of the room*
I think they bought it..
Image via Shutterstock
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Charlie
Using sarcasm as a defense mechanism since 1993. At any given moment I'm either tired, drunk, or stressed out. Get at me at charliepgp@gmail.com or whatever.
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I debated this same thing this morning. After reading this I wish I would have pulled the trigger and stayed home…
The only thing getting me out of bed most mornings is the shit that my girlfriend will give me if I don’t. I can fool work, but I can’t fool her.
I’ve never regretted staying home sick (real or fake sick).
I mean those 40+ hours aren’t going to use themselves am I right?
You know based on the title of your article, I thought you were sick. But after reading, now I’m not so sure!
Having over 250 hours of sick leave accumulated but still deathly afraid to use any. PGP