Yelp Reviews From Clutch, The Bar Where Ezekiel Elliot Allegedly Wrecked Some Guy

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According to TMZ Sports, Cowboys RB Ezekiel Elliot was involved in an “incident” at an Uptown Dallas bar called Clutch last night. Here’s what we know:

Cops at the bar spoke to a man who said his nose was just broken — but the man appeared to be extremely intoxicated and couldn’t remember who hit him.

The man’s friend told police, “It was that Dallas Cowboys running back.”

We’re told the victim was transported to a nearby hospital for his injuries.

Okay, I’m not here to break news on this, but given that all the hallmarks of a hilariously douchey establishment were in play (1 syllable, uptown, DJ, IT’S CALLED CLUTCH), I decided to investigate the only way I know how: YELP. It’s my go-to in a situations like this. I’ve collected some of the more notable reviews, and it’s worth noting that more than half of the ones I read were accusing the bar of outright racism. I’ve never stepped foot in this place, but uh, something weird is going on there.

Kimberly W. in Plano (1 star):

I’ve gone to clutch many times and have had a blast! Great atmosphere, always something going on!

But lately and most recently I have witnessed on numerous occasions people selling/buying and doing coke right out in the open. I know there is security throughout but that obviously hasn’t been enough. There really needs to be something done security wise or else this place isn’t going to be around much longer..

Uhh, hey Kimberly W. Why do you think there’s always something going on? Cold brew and red bull only gets you so far. My bro Van Patten told me they don’t have a good bathroom to do coke in, though.

Matt H. in Crandall (1 star):

What a ridiculous bar. They act like they are a super popular bar on a Friday night, even though it’s mid day on the weekend. They specialize in 5’8″ bar tender bitches who want to act big, by throwing out patrons who are having a little fun and enjoying them self for a friend’s birthday. Don’t get a big head Clutch Bar, you’re just another stop along the street. Tell your bouncer bitch employees to lay off the roids and look for a real job versus throwing people out mid day on a Saturday. Very dissapoonted. Evidently you can’t dance a little and have a good time here. Must be just another bitch Dallas bar trying to be bigger than they really are. Clutch bar is anything but clutch.

Matt H. did not have a good time, and that’s disappoonting. From the look of it, Matt probably violated a few key tenets of day drinking and things turned up to a level that no one saw coming. Remember, know thy limits, no matter how good one feels.

CJ O. in Houston (3 stars):

From a houstonian to Dallas it was packed crowd…why I don’t know.. It’s Dallas team too much lol Oh it was some game .. Anyways I notice Dallas girls go out face beat like this isn’t just a regular bar tho? One of the bartender was cute but he gave me the roophi vibe when he tried to give me some random drink that I clearly saw sitting … U tried it! Inside is where I realized everyone was on one.. White gurls n co are Turnt to the point they jiggin off the bar & tables.. But besides that it’s just a poppin bar, with suspect bartenders lol go if you are in the area.

Whoa, we got white girls n co jiggin off the bar and tables? That’s exactly what an early-thirties guy like me is looking for. But the roophi vibe is not something I’m trying to mess around with. Pros: girls are turnt and “it’s just a poppin bar.” Cons: “suspect bartenders lol” that put off a “roophi vibe.” All that and she still recommended it. Must be truly turnt.

Melissa B. in Dallas (1 star):

Unless the servers perceive you as their next meal ticket, be prepared to go to the bar & get your own drink. The shallow, hollow brained servers are too occupied with adjusting their boobs & pants to show optimal skin, that they could care less about the customers. Go to see the cars, but not for the service. Wise up Hollow heads, women make 80% of the buying decisions in a household. #ya’llneedtowiseup.

You’re out of line if you don’t think I’m using Hollow heads from this point forward. Clutch needs to wise up. It’s almost like they didn’t realize that women make 80% of the buying decisions in a household. SMH.

Drey R. in Houston (2 Stars):

Great location, great ambiance, unfortunately the food and service was not up to par. I should have know… Friday night 8:00, no wait, front row parking. My son said his brisket tacos tasted like chef boyardee ravioli wrapped in tortilla. My “clutch dip” tasted very processed.

Hey, butthead. Never order anything called clutch dip.

Melody C. in Atlanta (1 star):

I wouldn’t even give this place 1 star but I have to because it’s the only option. I was coming to this place for my bday and a couple of my friends that play for the Cowboys were coming. These racist ass people wouldn’t even let me in because I’m “black”. I was dressed to the nines and so were my friends, but they tried us with the table reservations. Funny thing is, we would’ve bought a table. Congratulations, you played yourself. I wouldn’t give you a dime. I would rather spend my money at a place that accepts everyone regardless race, gender or sexual orientation. Fuck Clutch. You hoes don’t deserve.

1, 2, 3 here I come with the caldo. That’s hot, baby. I don’t know if Clutch discriminates against its potential clientele, but a ton of people appear to say that’s the case. I’ve been out of Dallas for a few years now, but I remember this same issue happening with Kung Fu and it made the local news. You played yourself, Clutch.

Brittany S. in Dallas (2 stars):

“Sunday Funday” here is LIT, meaning a very good time. 🙂 The crowd is diverse, young professionals type of crowd mid-late 20s-upper 30s. In my opinion, there is a healthy balance and representation of all races (Asian, Latino, African American, Caucasian- some of everyone) as well as the music, playing a very well blended mix of current and early 2000s pop, hip hop, R&B, techno, Latin, etc tracks. The DJ from today was on point, very good vibes. They have a sports bar type environment on the inside with booths, tables, a bar and tvs and they have an outside patio bar with tables, tvs, and plenty of standing room.

SOME DISCLOSURES:
I think it starts at 3pm-until…

1) You WILL see people in there who were able to get in but are probably wearing what the dress code specifically says not to wear, and that is probably because they have a connection with or knows someone who allows them to. One of my male friends was told that he could not have on sneakers, but we saw several men in there with sneakers and even workout type clothing on inside (both African American and Caucasian). No, it’s not fair in the general sense, but there’s not much that you can do about it.

2) while waiting in line, I overheard quite a few comments about blatant discrimination and it appeared that all the African American individuals, including myself, were the only ones being held in line while groups of Caucasian individuals were allowed to walk right in. One of the men checking IDs grabbed two Caucasian females out of the same exact line that we were standing in and allowed them to walk right in. I typically don’t ever make things about race, but I think that to an extent, who you know here and the color of your skin MAY have a certain level of privilege attached to it with regard to entry. However, if indeed it was a discriminatory establishment, there probably wouldn’t be a mix of races there at all.

With all that said, once we got in, we had an amazing time. After my first experience here, I can honestly say that I MAY return if/when I’m in the area and want to just chill out/hear good music without having to spend any money, as there is no cover charge (for now) and I did not purchase any food or drinks.

Shoutout to Brittany S. for defining LIT for all the olds checking Clutch’s Yelp reviews. I’m also a big fan of any Yelp review that has a “Disclosures” heading somewhere in it. That’s how you know you’re getting takes you can trust. Like they often do, this review has me scratching my head. Brittany S. appears to have had a great time at Clutch. She addresses the race issue that every other review on here keeps raising, analyzes it, and concludes that “if indeed it was a discriminatory establishment, there probably wouldn’t be a mix of races there at all.” Yet here we have a 2 star review. Interesting.

Lin. G. in Dallas (4 stars):

Am super surprised by the litany of negative reviews on here. Been coming to Clutch since March and it’s been a fan favorite staple of my Dallas bar diet. Never waited in line and never had trouble getting in so no idea what all that is about. Maybe they are trying to ratchet back on the ratchet.

Been here at least 5 or 6 six times since March and it’s always been pretty fun. Once we got a bottle. hehe. My friend said she met a guy at a restaurant who was coming to meet us there and told her to get a bottle. So we ordered a ketel one and they were like, it’s a two bottle minimum, so we got two bottles. That was going down for like $1000 with tax and tip. I was like, your little friend better show up cause am only throwing $100 in on this bitch. Then her little friend did show up and got more bottles and we were just taking shots of the vodka. GROSS. I have to say, it’s much more fun to NOT get a table and actually walk around and talk to randos. Sitting at the table we felt totally trapped and not fun at all. We left at like 12 and wobbled our drunk asses home. Other times when I just bought drinks individually, it was a lot better. Though in terms of meeting cool people, Concrete next door has this place beat hands down. Like Brittany S. said, Sunday Funday Clutch is the place to be in the afternoon. Though yup, she said she won’t buy any food or drinks so she’s just there “for the music.” That to me is ratchet. Unless you’re in college/unemployed AND really damn hot, you really have no business at a bar if you’re not drinking and no one is buying you drinks. So if anything, door security needs to do a BETTER job of keep the ratchet out. They did keep my credit card last time though after I got drinks. 🙁 Those points are hard to transfer over!

Damn. This is why millennials will never own houses. Honestly, though, I’m very confused by this review. By most measures, Lin G. did not have a great time at Clutch. They dropped a G on vodka bottles and felt “trapped and not fun at all.” And there are apparently cooler people at Concrete next door. Still hit it with the 4 star, though? Hmmmm. Oh, and of course Concrete is next door.

But this statement has me questioning my entire existence: “Unless you’re in college/unemployed AND really damn hot, you really have no business at a bar if you’re not drinking and no one is buying you drinks.” How does one even begin to unpack that sentence. First, only those who are in college OR unemployed have any business being there. Traditionally, these two groups of people have limited disposable income, so that’s interesting. SMU is just up the road, and that’s trust city. I guess that’s who she meant. But my favorite part is that you have to also be REALLY DAMN HOT. This isn’t a bar for #HPO Nation (hot people only). Nah. This is Ratajkowski and Jon Snow levels of hot. Unless that’s you, listen to Lin G. and stay home.

Bars like this give Dallas a bad rap. When I hear someone talk about Dallas being full of 30k millionaire boners, it’s because of shit like this. But you know what? Every big town has this scene. Houston has a goddam place called Clé. Come on. West Sixth on Austin is an exemplary example of this scene. Y’all been to The Ranch? The hell is that? And I’m a West Sixth guy. But that’s another column for another day. Right now, we need to know if Zeke wrecked a DJ.

We’ll keep you posted if anything “Clutch” related breaks in the near future..

[via Yelp]

Image via YouTube / ESPN

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Dave

Lawyer. Writer. Dude doing business. I'm the meatloaf guy from tv.

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