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This week sucks. I’m underwater at work (and outside of it, since Chicago has decided to just keep winter going all year around and dump biblical amounts of rain all day, every day). Basically, I’m in a mood, which is why we’ve got a morbid question on our hands today. For those who don’t know, a “would you rather” is a choice between two equally hard options, where you have to pick the lesser of two evils. Then you can read my answer and see if you picked right, because I’m smarter and better than you. Here we go.
Would you rather: Know when you’re going to die OR know how you’re going to die?
That’s right. I’m making you come face to face with your own mortality on a Wednesday. Tough stuff. But before you can choose, you’ll need know the answers to some questions.
1. Can I do anything to avoid my death?
Nope. Just like taxes (and the San Jose Sharks breaking my heart every goddamn year) death is inevitable. It comes for us all. Whether you know when it happens or how it’ll go down, you can’t do a damn thing to change it. “Well then, why would I want to know at all?” You ask. You don’t. This isn’t a “which would you prefer, or if you prefer neither, that’s fine too, whatever makes you comfortable” question. It’s a “would you rather.” Pick wisely.
2. Does this make me invincible to other forms/times of death?
Yes. But not in the way you’d want. If you know you’re going to die in 40 years, that doesn’t mean you can just jump off a roof tomorrow and go unharmed. You’ll just end up in a coma for the extra years until you pass away on your predicted date. If you know you’re going to die by drowning, that doesn’t mean you can jump in front of a train and remain unscathed. You’ll just be horrifically injured until your actual death prediction comes true. So yes, you can’t be killed by other methods, but you’re not impervious to harm. You think I would give you an easy upside like that? Please. I told you I’m in a mood.
Now that we know all the gruesome details of this question, it’s time to break it down. The severity of this decision really hinges on the details of the information that I’d hear which, unfortunately, I cannot predict before I choose. I could be told I’m going to die in a week, which would suck, or 60 years, which I’d be okay with. I could be told I’m going to die by choking, which would freak me out constantly, or by being eaten by a bear, which sounds pretty badass and also rare in my day-to-day life in Chicago. Not the worst way to go.
However, without knowing when or how, I think the choice comes down to simply: Which answer would give me less anxiety over the course of my life? And to that, I answer: knowing when I die.
No matter if I was told I would die in a month, or a year, or ten years, or ten decades (because humanity found the cure for aging, but at 126 I died in a freak bungee jumping accident), that would be the end of that. If the day was sooner than I’d like, yes, that would suck. I would be forced to alter the timeline of my life, try and fit in everything I want to do, and come to terms with the fact that I wouldn’t be alive for many things I was looking forward to. I might become depressed, or curse the gods, or go into denial. But eventually, I would have to accept it. And after that, I would be able to live my life. Hell, depending how much time I have left, my life could even become a lot simpler and more fun.
If I find out I’m going to die in three years, you can bet your ass I’m opening up a bunch of credit cards, quitting my job, and traveling the world, content with the knowledge that Sallie Mae would never get a dime of my student loans. The human mind is remarkably resilient, and although it would be hard at first, I would come to accept my expiration date and be able to fully embrace my life until then.
On the other hand, if all I knew was how I would die, I would be anxious and stressed every day of my life. If the answer was something mundane, like a car crash, or a mugging, or choking on food, that would plague me every second of the day. Can you imagine being terrified that this is your last day every time you drive to work or take a bite of a sandwich? That would ruin food for me. Oh my god, that would ruin food for me. What fate is worse than that?
Or you can take the other route, and avoid anything could make your death prediction come true. Avoid accidents by never setting foot in a car. Avoid disease by living in a bubble. Avoid food by only ingesting nutrients through an IV. Avoid living to avoid dying. Is that worth it? I say no. I’d rather live for as long as I have, rather than only know enough information to freak me out even more.
Tell me my death date, fate. I’m ready for it. I would rather know when I die. What do you pick? .
Respond
Nick Arcadia
The opposite of a life coach. Email or DM me if you want some bad advice: nickarcadiapgp@gmail.com
@noampao
noamio
I’m choosing to know when, purely so that I can adequately plan for retirement. PGP.
Name checks out.
Hooo boy this one is gonna bring out a 5-star Nived comment and I cannot fucking wait.
Knowing that I wasn’t going to die for another 30 years really gave me the confidence to try and jump over Obi Wan. Boy that backfired.
Creates burner accounts to “Nice Work” this to the hall of fame
As someone who’s always been irrationally afraid of death, this ruins my Wednesday
Dying is the easiest thing you’ll ever do. It’s realizing the eminence that’s the hard part.
(That’s kind of dark, inset Nived lol)
I want the exact time. I’m controlling how I go out. On the beach, blissfully drunk with a steak in my belly. Death can suck my dick.
Death gonna suck the soul outta that dick.
Death be thicc
I’m going with when. Because just like Neo in the Matrix, he was told by the Architect when he and everyone else was going to die based on the choice he makes. Look what happened after that, he defied the Architect’s odds and also the previous 5 iterations of him in the other versions of the Matrix. Also, knowing when gives you freedom in a sense and if it’s a long time out and shit completely sucks, you can always keep trying to take yourself out until you become a tiny spec of matter which is what we all are already. remember, folks, death is the only thing in life you can plan lol
Idk how many times I’ve seen matrix revolution but I can never remember how the movie ends. I just know he goes to the architect and then the movie ends somehow.
Gonna give this whole question a nope. I can’t even go there. All I know is no matter what my age, or how I get to the end, if my quality of life is going be permanently in a hospital or nursing home unable to do anything for myself, I don’t want it. Ease me into the afterlife with Ativan and morphine please.
Let me know when, so I spend every last cent
*smoke, snort and drink every last cent
When I was 9 I died for a bit over a minute and my life has been something of a shitty Final Destination rip-off ever since. The trick is to stop caring about the how and why because it’s inevitable. Instead worry about what you’re gonna do to make your limited days on this planet worth it, no matter what.
Yeah we’re going to need this story, bud.
So I had an inflammatory disease when I was a kid. Long story short it got so bad it caused my heart to stop (layman’s explanation but fuck it.) Doctors were able to revive me but I’ve almost died in the following ways: catastrophic car accident, improperly secured ladder falling off truck right after I passed it walking across the street, stray bullet fragment to the neck, blood clot in the brain, and had a blown tire from a semi truck fly through my front windshield but fortunately it struck on the passenger side.
You shouldn’t be allowed to fly commercially
Easy. I would want to know when. That way I could plan for that shit to be epic.