Some headlines just write themselves, such as the one where an Illinois woman drunkenly crashed her car into a hotel lobby before hopping out, pouring herself some coffee, firing up a dart, and assuring the entire staff that they had nothing to worry about.
Via Effingham Daily News:
Rachel Jones, 32, has been charged with driving under the influence of drugs, driving with a revoked license, not having valid registration, possession of stolen property, criminal damage to property, resisting a peace officer, reckless conduct, operating an uninsured motor vehicle, and reckless driving, according to Illinois State Police.
Employees at the Fayette Avenue hotel told the Effingham Daily News that at about 12:30 p.m. Monday a car turned sharply through the building’s drive-in area and went through the glass entrance doors, stopping when it hit the wall of the dining area.
“She got herself a cup of coffee, lit a cigarette, and told us to go back to work and that everything was fine,” employee Courtney Griffin said.
I mean, Rachel, you crashed your car into a fucking hotel lobby. This isn’t telling a baby that they’re going to be “okay” after they take a digger while playing in the yard. This isn’t a minor fuck-up at work that can get cleared up by staying late for an hour. This is you crashing your damn motor vehicle into the damn Fayette Avenue Hotel.
Yeah, sure, I probably subscribe to the “ignorance is bliss” mantra a little more than I should, but you don’t just see me crashing my jetski into docks after drinking one too many Mai Tais at the beach club. Get a grip, Rachel Jones. This is your life, lady. I thought being 29 and having my mom do my taxes was bad. At least I’m not 32 and going full-on Grand Theft Auto IRL. .
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