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I admittedly arrived at the House of Cards party late in the game. When the show debuted this past February, I was actually taking a brief hiatus from D.C. to work on a Congressional campaign in none other than South Carolina.
I was at a fundraising dinner at The Citadel (called “The Sentinel” in the show) when I overheard cadets talking about the silver tongued Majority Whip named Frank Underwood. At first I thought they were ill informed; didn’t everyone know that Kevin McCarthy is the Majority Whip? After further eavesdropping, however, I realized that these young men were actually referring to the fictitious political star of the Netflix series, House of Cards.
Within minutes of the first episode, much like everyone I’ve spoken to, I was hooked. Because I’m one of those rare (and by rare, I mean there are literally thousands of us) people who have worked on campaigns as well as The Hill, I felt as though this show was designed for me. It was witty, it was dramatic, and it was entertaining.
Unfortunately, it quickly became apparent that many people, specifically the ones who frequently update their Facebooks, did not understand that this show is fictional. I lost both IQ points and faith in humanity as I read status update after status update about “current events” they’d seen Frank Underwood discuss. No, the Vice President was not resigning. No, a Congressman had not been murdered. And no, politicians were not sleeping with reporters. Actually, that last one is probably true.
Regardless, it became apparent that someone needed to separate the House of Cards fiction from reality. And because I’m a self-entitled Washingtonian, I figured there was no one better to do it than myself. Truth be told, I’m planning on making this somewhat of a regular column, because let’s be honest, there are a whole lot of misrepresentations (that sounds better than flat out lies, right?) in the series. Also, I’d love to blame a Netflix binge on “researching” for work. Really, everybody wins.
House of Cards Lie #1: 22 Year Olds Can Afford To Live On Their Own
Truth be told, I don’t know how old Zoe Barnes is, but it’s evident that she is young. That, or she has a baby face and is just mind-numbingly stupid, but let’s give her the benefit of the doubt. Anyway, after living in the nation’s capital for college, as well as after graduation, despite a few months here and there on the campaign trail, I am here to tell you that D.C. is crazy expensive.
In college, my apartment as well as my expenses were paid for my by my parents. It wasn’t until after I graduated and started paying my own bills, that I realized that I would no longer be buying $14 dollar cocktails or living in an apartment with a doorman. Oh no, I went from living on my own in a safe building, to living with three other people in a Row House located somewhere between Capitol Hill and the gates of Hell. My portion of the rent for a house that was once broken into while I was sleeping? $1,600 a month.
House of Cards Lie #2: Washingtonians Are Beautiful
As someone who identifies with the term Washingtonian, this may be treasonous, but it is what it is. Clinton-Gore strategist Paul Begala famously coined the phrase “Washington is Hollywood for ugly people,” and while kind of offensive, it’s also kind of true.
Granted, there are a lot of strikingly beautiful people in D.C., but not everyone is strikingly beautiful. Just like any other major city outside of California, D.C. is home to a lot of average looking people. We work. We don’t have time for blowouts and facials and meetings with our personal trainers. Besides, we couldn’t afford any of those things anyway.
House of Cards Lie #3: Young People Can Keep Secrets
Backhand deals are made by older, more established Washingtonians, and for a good reason: young people can’t keep their damn mouths shut. Need proof? I’ve got two words for you: Edward Snowden.
In the age of social media and a generation of social climbers, it is near impossible for any person not qualifying for an AARP membership to keep a secret. Thus, young people are generally not privy to conversations held in corner offices. It’s laughable to think that a young girl wouldn’t let it slip that she was fucking a Congressman. I suppose the counter argument here is that she wouldn’t spill because doing so would hurt her career, but I’ve seen people shoot themselves in the foot over far less exciting gossip thanks to a few too many pitchers at Hawk and Dove.
House of Cards Lie #4: Our Feet Don’t Hurt
Has anyone on this show ever walked on a D.C. sidewalk? Clearly not. You see, the thing about Washington sidewalks is that they are either made of cobblestone or they have been under construction for the better part of three years.
Walking in heels outside in D.C. is essentially a death trap. If your stiletto isn’t getting stuck in a grate or in-between rocks, you’re more than likely tripping over the homeless man who has set up camp in the middle of the public walkway. Even if we hate ourselves enough to wear heels at work, we certainly don’t commute in them.
P.S. We can’t afford Jimmy Choos.
House of Cards Lie #5: We’re Not Tired
If there’s one thing Washingtonians can agree on, it’s that we’re all exhausted. As twenty-somethings, we work too much, we drink too much, and our living arrangements often resemble that of a halfway house. A good night’s sleep will entail no more than six hours, and a bad night’s will involve none at all.
We have bags under our eyes and gray hairs that are far too premature. We’re not rested and given the opportunity, we’d much rather hit snooze for the extra fifteen minutes than blow-dry our hair.
Respond
Catie Warren
Catie struggles with adulthood and has been celebrating her 21st birthday for the past three years. She attended college in the nation’s capital and to this day is angry that Pit Bull lied to her, as you cannot, in fact, party on The White House lawn. Prior to her success with PGP, Catie was most famous for being featured in her hometown newspaper regarding her 5th grade Science Fair Project for which she did not place. In her spare time, she enjoys attributing famous historical quotes to Marilyn Monroe and getting in fights with thirteen year olds on twitter. Email: catie@grandex.co
@catie__warren
@catie__warren
I live in Georgetown, but have never worked in politics. What I have come to observe in my 5 years living in DC is that there is a tremendously disproportionate number of low level, 30k a year staff asses who act like they’re far more import than they actually are. The worst part of this show is that these sorts probably walk around thinking they can identify with the characters.
While DC is one of the more expensive cities to live in this country, I find it baffling that you were paying 1600 a month to live with 2 other people in what essentially amounts to the ghetto. You could have easily gotten a 3 bedroom apartment for $4800 in a Capitol Hill building with a door man.
Yeah 1600 for a 4 person townhouse is a lot, even for DC. And I don’t think anyone (besides certified idiots) thinks House of Cards is realistic
A) You’re not a politician. B) You’re a 20 something low level worker on the Hill, do you really think you’re getting an invite to the Boehners next Christmas party? C) I do not live nor work in DC, however I’m 25 and have my own place in Manhattan which is far more expensive to live in than DC. So that statement is a generalization. D) I don’t work down there but when I do have to come down (thanks to your employer and their amazing laws) often and when we come down, the parties are frequent.
When are you signing autographs?
I am by no stretch saying House of Cards is a fact book nor close to it, but to claim none of it is true just because you’re not doing it doesn’t mean it does not happen.
Submit that rant as a column next time, big guy. Sounds like you could teach us all a thing or two.
To be fair, equating anything at the age of 22 as being ‘working on the hill’ is a pretty pretentious stretch to declare in its own right.
Equating any of a fictional millionaire 20-year senior congressman in the show- now that’s just silly.
Also you got railroaded by whoever rented you your apartment.
Otherwise, solid column.
You lived in an apartment with a doorman that your parents paid for in college? You sound like a spoiled brat. No wonder you’re disillusioned that people don’t treat you like a princess in D.C. because you’re a 20 something intern that doesn’t matter.
You got straight up snowed on your apartment. I would feel silly if I was you.
Also, in an attempt to appeal to more people who “sort of” know DC you lost a lot of reality.
And finally, you were on a campaign and didn’t meet the kind of people who /would/ invite you to cool events? I was a low-level staffer on a campaign in WI and every time I’m in DC I stay at the Met and rage in GTown. So… That one’s sort of on you.
Don’t hate us ’cause we’re awesome.
DC is a nest of scumbags, liars, and damned liars.
I work at a top consulting firm in DC and have worked in Republican campaign politics since I was 18. I believe the point that CatePGP is trying to make is that the show makes it seem as if the crazy and extravagant things that happen in the show happen ALL the time. Yes, everyone will get invited to a Christmas party. I went to 18 xmas parties on the Hill in December and a handful more around New Years. But Home Depot has fucking xmas parties as well, big whoop.
The show is far-fetched because of how they make it seem like these things happen every single week instead of more sporadically. Also, it is a proven fact that the cost of living is higher in DC than any other city. It may have been NYC before over 50% of their population became below the poverty line… Sorry your city sucks HedgeFundFun.
DC is also not a party city. It’s a bar city. Hawk and Dove and UP are packed every evening of the week with staffers from the Hill just getting hammered.
Final comment: who is this fuckstick (fml69times) who is trying to walk around with a big swinging dick for working in a district office? That’s where political careers go to die so you enjoy that.
CatePGP is more spot on with her comments than any of you fucks that have been a “volunteer coordinator” on a campaign or worked a Hill internship.
Pretty sure working on the Hill and then returning to a district office in my home state working for a top GOP Senator, to attend a T-14 Law School isn’t my career dying, breh. So in two years I’ll be your boss at your little shop. Its all good though, you can get a job at Home Depot. I hear they have killer Christmas party’s.
Also, DC gets tremendously more beautiful every summer when the new flock of Hill interns come to town.
See this DC article: http://dailycaller.com/2013/07/31/the-28-most-beautiful-people-on-the-hill-that-thedcs-interns-found-in-a-single-afternoon-2013-edition/
Haha you are a complete fuckstick tool. No one gives two fucks how many shitty Christmas party’s you went to, dumbass.
Don’t see how I was ever trying to act like a badass, just simply showing that I actually have a little experience that qualifies me to share my opinion on why this piece is kinda shitty.
You sir are a dumbass, cocky fool, with a small little red penis. Eat a dick and go back to work at Home Depot.
As someone who has worked on The Hill, on a campaign, and currently in a District office, I am so sick of Congressional Staffers who take everything so seriously. It seems almost everyone who works on the Hill think they are more enlightened, intelligent, and experienced than everyone else. The truth is, the majority of them wear cheap suits and spend most of their time talking to crazy people and managing interns, while being paid absolute shit.
Also, posting a column about how House of Cards is nothing like working on The Hill, is like posting a column about how Dexter is not like being a real blood splatter analyst. No shit, breh.