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It’s 8:08 a.m. You’ve flawlessly executed your daily office routine which looks exactly like this: park car, exit and check yourself out in the first floor window reflection, walk in at exactly 8:01 a.m., trade barbs with football fan coworker regarding Monday Night Football, boot-up the computer, walk to the coffee machine.
You’re feeling decent, but you know you’re only minutes away from a searing hot cup of average coffee. You’re paddling out, punching through wave after wave, knowing that you’re about to shred for the next hour or so. Then you see it. The Keurig, the lifeblood of the office, with a completely empty water tank.
Sure, removing and filling the tank is only a temporary roadblock that if properly executed should only set you back 55 seconds or so, depending on whether you refill in the sink or at the water cooler. I know because I timed it. But this transgression cuts a little deeper, because when you enjoy the perk that is free coffee, you always refill the tank if it’s remotely close to being empty. So what kind of monster wouldn’t return the favor? And are they necessarily in the wrong? Let’s look at it.
First, there are those that would argue that it’s not their job to refill the water tank. This is an admittedly cynical approach, but many people subscribe to it. It’s the classic “No one did it for me, so why would I do it for them?” I work with many of these people, and so do you. They aren’t necessarily trash humans, but don’t expect them to ride for you when shit hits the fan.
Next, you have those that refill. Some do it purely out of fear, because most people don’t enjoy getting called out in front of their peers. Others are doing for no reason other than to feel good about themselves. They get off on the little sense of superiority they feel knowing that they went above and beyond to benefit the greater good. *Farts in wine glass, smells, repeats* No shame, though. The ends justify the means, and we’re all better off because of it.
Then there’s the category that I think encompasses most of us: Those who just don’t want to be dicks. Admittedly, this is me. This philosophy rests on the underlying assumption that it’s inherently dick to not fill the water back up. Or at least it could be interpreted that way. Some people don’t care, and some people do. But the risk of chapping one coworker’s ass is enough to keep them paying it forward.
Terry Tate famously said, “If you finish the joe, you make some mo.” I don’t think it’s a stretch to apply that to water.
Think before you drink. Odds are that the eight ounces of pure unadulterated heavy metal closer juice in your mug will need at least two minutes to cool down to a non-roof-of-your-mouth-burning level, so you can do the next poor bastard a solid and fill it up. Do the right thing..
Respond
Dave
Lawyer. Writer. Dude doing business. I'm the meatloaf guy from tv.
@dcarterruff
@dcruff
dcarterruff
david@grandex.co
Get a Keurig that is connected to a water line. End of discussion.
must be nice, clay from accounting.
Passive aggression hurts, man.
Or have the receptionist refill it.
You have a receptionist that does things other than update their Facebook and POF accounts?
Yeah, why don’t y’all have one of those?
What kind of peasant office doesn’t have that shit hardlined in?
we have that at my work, except it’s some fancy filtered water and it can’t keep up with the demand of all the workers, so it has usually stopped working by the afternoon lol
I’m more confused by the sociopaths who don’t even remove their K-Cup after use.
you leave k-cups in so the next guy has something to shoot into the garbage can ten feet away
How bad is Will’s shot? Does not seem like a basketball player at all.
Did you ever play Dorn one v one? You were talking a big game when you first started, weren’t you?
will is money from outside. dorn keeps ducking my invitations to play. still waiting on a confirmation
My old office had a regular drip coffee maker, so our problem was “why are all 4 pots empty?” I’d happily make coffee all morning since it was better than doing my actual job.
not all superheroes wear capes
Instead, support the United Baristas Union because someone with an art degree is making your coffee in the morning with cool little foam designs. Appreciate art, guys. Don’t support a fascist coffee company that is slowly polluting the planet with plastic cups filled with mediocre coffee grinds that were hand picked by slave laborers in South America. That’s why I only support coffee growers that use slave labor from Costa Rica because it’s closer to home and saves on logistics and stuff. I’m good at business so don’t fuck with me, alright.
“I’m good at business so don’t fuck with me, alright.” – I’m making this my bumble bio.
I just refuse to believe that you refill the Keurig after you get a coffee that exhausts the Keurig of all its water.
Signed,
Someone who doesn’t refill the Keurig after I get a coffee that exhausts the Keurig of all its water.
Don’t be that guy Will, nobody likes that guy.
Holier than though Keurig saints are frauds. Everyone is garbage in the Keurig world and I’ll never be convinced otherwise. Especially considering how often I’m forced to fill the cartridge up in a 20-person office.
Be the change you want to see in the world.
Unpopular Opinion: I hate Keurigs because now no one can make a decent pot of coffee
I can. Sup?
Better tamp her espresso before you give her the old pour over
Don’t you guys have unpaid interns to do this sort of thing?
No, he flew too close to the sun. RIP
You should just be happy you aren’t drinking Flavia
http://s2.quickmeme.com/img/11/1102baa2a270c92858bf1ae8ab595088d0e91a449d4a67c9609411929b24f942.jpg
After extensive research, I believe this is still the law that applies
Full your cup with water, Dump it in tank. Place empty cup under then drip. Brew. Everyone repeated this. Everyone is happy