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Dating profiles are bullshit, and I don’t mean that in the “I’m too good for online dating” sense. They’re literally 90 percent bullshit. We make up a bunch of crap about ourselves so strangers on the Internet will want to go on dates with us and/or bone us. I definitely have my salary inflated by $20K and there are a bunch of vaguely true but highly exaggerated statements on my actual profile. Is it a dick move? Probably. Am I planning on marrying a girl I met on the Internet? Doubtful, so I’m cool with it, at least until the “Wedding Crashers”-style confession I make in front of her family and friends. I’ll do what I always do and play through it, though. I definitely think faking amnesia would be the move there.
Getting back to the point, you just don’t see brutally honest dating profiles. That said, I made one about myself and the results are below. If anyone actually feels compelled to date me after reading what follows, more power to you–I sure as hell wouldn’t date me after reading it. I’ll let the profile do all the talking, though. I think the key to this thing is honesty. Real, brutal, ugly honesty.
See? It isn’t so hard to be hypercritical on a semi-public dating profile in an effort to attract strangers. I’m going to leave it up and see how it does for a few weeks, then softly cry myself to sleep every night when it does better than my “real” one, with all the normal dating site bullshit.
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Whiskey_Ginger
Whiskey Ginger is a drink commonly found in your average bar, and a guy who makes bad decisions in the name of internet comedy journalism. This one is the latter.
@jqwhiskeyginger
I see you’re in College Park…
I’ll be at Looney’s Thursday. Join us, we’ll undoubtedly black out before midnight.
Don’t threaten me with a good time.
You know you want to. Looney’s has great specials on Thursday.
I’m really just trying to be a bad influence here.
Its already paying dividends. Nice.
My lack of shame really helps make it work.
It’s funny because gingers don’t have souls
I feel like we could be friends. We shouldn’t be, but we definitely could be.
“I’m George. I’m unemployed and live with my parents.” If it worked for Costanza, it can work for you.
If half the things George did worked in reality the world would be a far better place.
Now, what are the chances this starts a trend? Think honesty will start being a part of Tinder?
Excellent job describing yourself. Keep me posted on how well the realness fairs. If all else fails, there’s always the option of putting Thunderstruck on repeat…
Haha thanks. I don’t have a lot of faith in the chances of it working, but we’ll see.