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Soccer is not my sport. It never has been and it never will be. It is probably the only sport outside of polo that I have not played a full competitive game of and I have zero intention of doing so. I’m not going to go on another repetitive and hateful tirade consisting of buzzwords including (but not limited to) “boring”, “tie games”, and “flops”, but I wanted you know my stance on the game. That being said, America is my country. If the United States fielded a cricket team and either ESPN or NBC decided to broadcast the world championships, I would wake up at 8:00 A.M. on my day off, don the red, white, and blue, drink 15 Budweiser Ameri-cans, and cheer us on to victory over whichever insolvent country we might be facing.
And that is exactly what is happening with this World Cup. The majority of Americans are not getting hyped because our soccer team is doing well; they’re getting hyped because AMERICA is doing well. We are the big swinging dick of the world and even though this is not our game, we still want to dominate it. I mean, let’s get real for a second. If any of our top-tier athletes actually decided to pursue soccer as a career, there would be little competition on the world stage. Go ahead and picture Calvin Johnson standing between those posts and let me know if you think he would let a ball get past him. Yeah, that’s what I thought. But, I digress.
Hearing Alexi Lalas out there talking about how soccer is going to become America’s next top sport or Jay Bilas, an American commentator, dropping a hard “fútbol” is utterly laughable. Living in Chicago, I am bombarded with talk about how this World Cup is going to lead to a spike in popularity of our local soccer team, the Chicago Fire. If you think I — or anyone else in my fine city, for that matter — am going to take my happy ass up to Toyota Park in Bridgeview to catch a game in the ninth-best soccer league in the world, then you are a god-damned glue sniffer. I assume that sentiment is shared among every major city outside of Seattle. Those bastards love that team.
For the first time in a very long time, loving this country has become trendy. While a lot of us, myself included, have been boasting American exceptionalism since we crawled out of the womb, the Johnny-Come-Lately’s are finally beginning to comprehend the utter magnificence of the land of the free and the home of the brave. As I stream the United States/Belgium game in my cubicle today, trying to avoid detection from upper management, I’ll be as geared up as any soccer hooligan in existence. Though my B.A.C. will not be at its ideal level, I’ll be high as a kite off of Uncle Sam, Lady Liberty and our Founding Fathers. I’ll be living and dying with every set piece and shot on goal, not because we are playing soccer, but because there is a team of my countrymen out there proving our superiority in front of the entire world in our planet’s greatest sporting event.
Respond
TheOriginalReaganaut
Working in Chicago's Loop, living on the Northside and doing a piss poor impression of an adult.
I feel like little kids want to try a sport (or their parents decide for them to try a sport) and they stick them in soccer. There’s pretty much one rule at the youth level, don’t use your hands, so it’s easy to learn. It is great exercise, there’s virtually no equipment necessary, and it’s team oriented.
If you find out you are athletic, you grow out of soccer and pursue baseball, football, basketball, or all three. Maybe this generation is different, but that’s how i felt it was for us.
This explains why I have every intention of watching the US games, but always get too drunk to remember the outcome.
Welcome to SEC football.
I understand what you mean. It is exactly the same in Australia. However I don’t think you are right. For example, the A-League (Australia’s league) would be lucky to be in the top 20 leagues in the world, however every game still pulls 15,000 people (which is decent considering our total population is 24M, and at least 15M of that is in the three major coastal cities).
It started with a good performance at the 2006 World Cup. You will be amazed what a first success, WELL WATCHED (this is key), tournament can do, especially when it is in a sport that isn’t pretty much isolated in the US.
I definitely see MLS challenging MLB and NHL. In today’s world, baseball has so little action people’s limited attention span just doesn’t get engaged often enough. And I agree with the comment that people who say they like baseball but hate soccer because it is “boring” are pretty much straight up retarded.
Are you high? Average MLS attendance is 18,594 compared to 30,504 for MLB. In regards to hockey, virtually 26/30 teams sell out every game and the remaining 4 still are at 80-90% capacity. The venues are simply smaller, just look at ticket prices to judge demand. The MLS has jack shit on either, something like 3 teams sell out, and one of those has a stadium capacity of 10k.
Just be aware that Budweiser is owned by a Belgian parent company so you’re supporting the other team by drinking it today.
Sweetwater it is.
Well, now that we lost the plus side is we don’t have to give a shit about soccer for another 4 years. We still win!!!
I don’t think it will be bigger than football but when soccer is the most popular sport among youth today, it would be foolish to deny that soccer is going to be a large sport in America. You don’t have to love it but to be against it is ridiculous. Soccer is on the rise whether you like or not. That being said, Belgian waffles and Stella Artois suck today. Go USA!
I’ve said this before, soccer will never be a premier sport in America until 1) The US win a World Cup, 2) MLS becomes a top 3 league in the world while keeping USMNT stars stateside. Both of those are long shots.
What is the definition of a “premier sport?” I’ve already said that it won’t beat out football. But the decline in MLB and NBA (especially NBA) has been more than well documented. Also, America has shown that it LOVES sports, not just one, but many. This is different than the rest of the world where soccer is literally everything. America has shown it can embrace all types of sports from football, basketball, baseball, golf, etc…With the MLS grabbing players like Kaka, david villa, thierry henry, tim cahill, clint dempsey, and michael bradley–it is clear that the MLS is becoming one of the top 10 leagues in the world. Watch sounders, red bulls, sporting kc or la galaxy game and you’ll see what I mean. The MLS is also adding 4 more teams within the next 4 years. I respect the opinion but I see things a bit different.
Really hoping Minnesota grabs one of those 4 teams. Saw a Sounders game in Seattle, actually a ton of fun.
Did this clown really just say the NBA is in decline?
NBA franchises have never been worth more money than they have been before. The NBA is far from declining.
Now MLB and NHL decline is a viable argument. And this is coming from somebody who thinks that soccer has a chance to become close to equal in popularity as baseball. People who say soccer is boring and love baseball perplex me. Your average baseball game is up to 3 hours and 8 minutes, with only 5 minutes and 34 seconds of this actually live-action. The biggest draw for soccer, in my opinion, is the fact that a soccer match will last 2 hours. Period. It’s hard to appreciate this value until you think about how short our attention spans are. Football, baseball, and basketball games have continued to become longer commitments, and there has been a direct correlation to attendance figures.
Id say it goes like this:
NFL
NBA
MLB
NHL
Then repeat the cycle with college level sports and maybe even throw in the WNBA and then finally highschool sports, oh yeah and then theres soccer.
College baseball is infinitely more fun to watch than college basketball. Or maybe that’s just how it is at Ole Miss. Beer showers do things to me
The tickets have peasant appeal because they’re so cheap. Parents like that.
I feel like I have to say this to you once a week.
DO LESS. DO SO MUCH LESS YOU ARE DOING NOTHING.
Just another clown who feels the need to go out of his way to be sure we don’t make the mistake of thinking he might like soccer. You don’t have to pull your head out of the sand to tell us that you buried it.
This is probably the best thing I’ve read today. “MERICA!!!
I meant ‘MERICA!!! Whoops?