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“You mean like when Daniel banged that girl with the lazy eye?”
“Yeah, how’d you know which one to look at?”
“Fuck you guys that was YEARS ago.”
The bond between males is as strange as it is normal. What kind of relationship is bound by a mutual desire to get under each other’s skin? It is an art form, and I’m sure the only reason men evolved to have any memory at all is to remember all the stupid things their friends have done in order to ensure no one gets too big for their britches.
From an early age, it has always been this way, although the stakes have changed. It used to be whoever pissed or shit themselves, who cried or who was a tattletale. Now it is who slept with the most undesirable person, telling of tall tales or (still) who pissed or shit themselves. Now, as then, if you get dubbed a nickname, you’re a made man. The more things change, the more they stay the same.
Giving each other a hard time is a sign of a special bond between men: it means you’ve been around each other enough to fuck up and not have it bother you. Showing any form of weakness elicits even more taunting, so it also builds character and teaches one to have a thick skin. Think of the Bildungsroman turned movie Stand by Me, the entire movie is about kids going on an adventure and fucking with each other. Every guy that left his house as a kid can relate, and those similar experiences shaped who I am today.
Male friend groups are different from mixed company or female groups. I’m not here to debate whether men and women can be friends, but I do know that our group dynamics are certainly different.
When I was doing field research on the topic, my only conclusion was that they are fake nice to each other and talk shit behind each other’s backs, rather than being upfront. With men, if you have an issue, you can tell each other, which may or may not lead to fisticuffs. You can generally bet that when men go to blows, they will be back to being friends within a few days, if not few minutes after a fight. Women remember when someone wrongs them and hold grudges for years, whereas men only remember things other men did to give them razzing.
Giving someone the business can’t be out of left field, though, and there has to be an occasion. Otherwise, you’re a genuine asshole. There is a time and place for this and using discretion is your best friend. I generally reserve my times for knocking down a few pegs to keep social order. If someone gets out of line, it is your duty to let them know this by bringing up the time that they passed out drunk while shitting and then threw up on their balls. Don’t commit the crime if you’re not ready to do the time.
I’m still on the line for a million stupid things that I did, and I’d have it no other way. Every time we get a new guy on our beer league team, they are run through the gauntlet of everything they’ve missed. It is both oral tradition, an initiation and a rite of passage. Having commonalities and experiences with people is what makes us human. Using those commonalities and experiences to fuck with each other makes us men..
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Madoff
I specialize in damage control, being the drunkest at any and all functions and social assassination. Always appreciate a strong gif game. Follow me on Twitter. Sometimes I put up cool stuff about golfing at the local dirt tracks.
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My wife cried once on the way home from a family event because me, her brother in law, and her dad ripped on each other the entire time. She didn’t understand that it was the day I had metaphorically made the team and was worthy of getting shit-talked. She thought they didn’t like me.
Well said.
My favorite is when one of the guys steps out of line and quickly back tracks instead of facing the oncoming shit storm.
I call one of my fraternity brothers “dirty girl” for all the shit he pulled freshman year. His now pregnant wife doesn’t appreciate it too much these days but there’s not much she can do about it.
Except Duda, we don’t rip on you because we’re boys.
We rip on him because condoms don’t
SPOT ON.
I cannot count the number of degrading nicknames my friends have created for me.. and I know those dudes (read: assholes) would have my back no matter what.
The best part of my work day is spent in the group chat my best girl friends and I have just roasting each other for our transgressions. Nothing better than that kind of friendship
Nothing better than a chat that would cause anyone peeking over your shoulder to be absolutely horrified by the way you’re treating people you consider your ride-or-dies.
My girlfriend has told me that the bond I have with my four closest friends is intimidating because we can joke on each other for hours. When you and your friends can feed off each other’s energy and keep it going without the jokes getting stale, that’s when you know you will have those people as friends for the rest of your life
My college buddies each tried to think of the last nice thing without a backhand we said to each other, no one thought of one. But we all remember when a friend couldn’t close on Bukake girl
Buddy I am going to need more details on the Bukkake girl story
Girl offered to blow several guys at once (again), later that night my roommate got too drunk to close. He ended up throwing up in the toilet after we sent the two to the bathroom for ‘privacy’. No one remembers her real name.
Yes, please
Biggest perks of growing up as a girl with a group of close guy friends is the thick skin and ability to trash talk like a sailor.
I’m glad my boys and I aren’t the only ones who call it a roast.