Walmart Provides Laid-Off Workers With Some Friendly, Condescending Advice

Walmart Provides Laid-Off Workers With Some Friendly, Condescending Advice

I’m loath to admit it, but sometimes I shop at Walmart. I scan those “People of Walmart” accounts hoping like hell that I haven’t been caught on my way home from the gym looking like a homeless sorority girl. I hate even going into the store. For some reason, it makes me feel like I need to shower, but it’s on my way home, and frankly, if I can save two bucks on a container to hold my 80 back up lipsticks, I’ll suck it up. But I may have to reconsider shopping there after learning about what they recently gave to some laid-off employees.

Early in April, the chain closed five stores in California, Texas, Oklahoma and Florida. In what seems like the largest coincidence ever, the company said that “plumbing problems” caused the stores to be closed at the same time for six months. Speculation is that the closures may be an attempt to quash protests over pay and working conditions that have recently taken place. If that’s true, it’s pretty shitty, but not as shitty as the document that was provided to the 2,200 employees that were laid off with little notice. The document, entitled “Coping With Transition,” was provided to by the UFCW’s Walmart division to Gawker and included such helpful pieces of advice as:

“Care for yourself by eating well, exercising and resting when needed.”
Nevermind that you don’t have a job anymore, so affording food is probably going to be an issue, you should definitely spring for that gym membership and a Temper-pedic!

“Avoid stimulants such as caffeine, chocolate and nicotine and depressants such as alcohol.”
Chocolate and wine are all I have left, you jerks.

“Give yourself time to recover.”
Sure, Walmart is giving the employees sixty days severance, but given that no one can actually live on what they would make at Walmart to begin with, I’m pretty sure taking a leisurely few weeks off to recover from the shock of being laid off with a few hours notice isn’t an option here.

“Seek help if reactions are interfering with job responsibilities.”
I literally have no words for this.

“Seek help from a professional counselor if symptoms persist.”
Maybe I should talk to someone. Oh, wait, I don’t have any insurance because I don’t have a job anymore. What’s that? I NEVER had insurance? You cheap bastards.

I think maybe I’ll start buying my socks and storage bins at Target.

[ Via Gawker]

Image via Niloo /

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Jenna Crowley

Jenna used to be known as 2NOTBrokeGirls, but then one of the girls actually went broke, so she's struck out on her own. Jenna spends her free time saving the world, one sorority girl at a time (usually while wearing yoga pants), questioning why she decided to get a doctorate, documenting her love of all things cheese related, and hosting the new PGP podcast Don't Take It From Us. You can ask her anything you want about football, using your boobs to get what you want, and pizza at @JennaLCrowley on Twitter or via email at

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