Waking Up To A Bedside Glass Of Ice Cold Water Is Unadulterated Euphoria

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People say a lot of things. It’s in our nature as humans to exaggerate for effect if it will elicit some sort of reaction, negative or positive, out of the people listening in. I want to make one thing clear: none of the following is an exaggeration.

There is nothing – and I mean nothing – on God’s green earth that is better than a glass of ice water in the middle of the night. Sex, doing drugs, dining on fine Italian cuisine in the Tuscan countryside – it all pales in comparison to that middle-of-the-night slug from water bottle or glass. I don’t care if it’s from the tap, a Brita filter, or the hose out in the backyard. Water at three, four, or five in the morning after waking from a deep sleep is primordial in nature.

I know people who like a swig of milk in the middle of the night. I’ve heard tales from locals here in Italy that they like a small glass of Fanta or Coca-Cola in the wee hours because of the carbonation.

For me, it’s cold water. Stroll up to any freedom loving American and I think you’ll get the same answer.

Yeah, yeah I know you’re going to point out that this is an obvious, very generalized observation. Seinfeldian in nature. Why did I choose to write six hundred words on something so dull? So understood and easily perceived? It’s because I’m passionate about it.

Waxing poetic on dank beverages is kind of my thing here on the Internet. Folgers, Perrier, red wine, white wine, Tom Collins, and obviously the sportsman’s beer Michelob Ultra.

Name a drink you like and I can give you my opinion on it. One thing I have never touched on in my life though is ice water. Something we can all agree on is that we absolutely cannot live without it, correct?

This might be the most uninteresting, middle of the road blog you’ll ever read, but after being in Italy for a week and some odd days I have never been more thankful for access to water like we have it back in the states.

The Italians, and I’m assuming most Europeans for that matter, do not drink water in excess like Americans do. I don’t know if it’s because they’re not as easily parched or what, but they simply don’t find it to be as necessary in everyday life as we do.

Ask for water at a restaurant or hotel in broken Italian and they’ll stand there for a second processing what you’ve just said and then come back with a sparkling (or, as the label will read “acqua frizzante”) bottle of water unless you make sure to add “naturale” in there.

Let’s just visualize for a moment that you’re fast asleep in bed. It’s three in the morning and you’ve passed slow wave, stage four sleep and are in full on REM mode. For the purposes of this hypothetical let’s also just say that you’re a bit of a light sleeper.

A bump, creak, or otherwise loud noise takes you out of the peaceful REM your mind and body were enjoying and you’re fully awake. A groan and a sweeping away of the sheets on your body is all it takes for you to turn your bedside lamp on and see what the hell is going on.

You look around, decide that whatever you heard was nothing and reach over for the glass of ice water on your nightstand. In this moment time stands still. The noises emitting from your jugular as you glug are loud and not of this world.

Cold water enters your mouth and rushes down your throat in a cascading wave. It’s hydrating. It’s cold. It’s fucking euphoric. Cherish those moments, for water, and that matter life, are fleeting.

Image via Youtube

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Johnny D

fashion icon. @dudaronomy on twitter. e-mail:

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