Ross Bolen is a New York Times Bestselling author, co-host of the Oysters, Clams & Cockles:
Game of Thrones podcast, co-host of the Back Door Cover sports podcast, 2017 Masters attendee, bigger and more loyal Rockets, Astros and Texans fan than you, cheese enchilada aficionado, and nap god.
I am white, I am a fucking bum. I do live in a trailer with my mom. My boy Future is an Uncle Tom. I do got a dumb friend named Cheddar Bob who shoots himself in his leg with his own gun. I did get jumped, by all six of you chumps. And Wink did fuck my girl. I’m still standin’ here screaming, “FUCK THE FREE WORLD!” Don’t never try to judge me, dude. You don’t know what the fuck I’ve been through. But I know something about you. You went to Cranbrook, that’s a private school. What’s the matter dawg, you embarrassed? This guy’s a gangster? His real name’s Clarence. And Clarence lives at home with both parents. And Clarence’s parents have a real good marriage. This guy don’t wanna battle, he’s shook. ‘Cause ain’t no such things as half-way crooks. He’s scared to death, he’s scared to look, at his fucking yearbook, fuck Cranbrook.
Fuck a beat, I go a cappella. Fuck a Papa Doc, fuck a clock, fuck a trailer, fuck everybody. Fuck y’all if you doubt me. I’m a piece of fucking white trash, I say it proudly. And fuck this battle, I don’t wanna win, I’m outtie.
Here, tell these people something they don’t know about me.
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I am white, I am a fucking bum. I do live in a trailer with my mom. My boy Future is an Uncle Tom. I do got a dumb friend named Cheddar Bob who shoots himself in his leg with his own gun. I did get jumped, by all six of you chumps. And Wink did fuck my girl. I’m still standin’ here screaming, “FUCK THE FREE WORLD!” Don’t never try to judge me, dude. You don’t know what the fuck I’ve been through. But I know something about you. You went to Cranbrook, that’s a private school. What’s the matter dawg, you embarrassed? This guy’s a gangster? His real name’s Clarence. And Clarence lives at home with both parents. And Clarence’s parents have a real good marriage. This guy don’t wanna battle, he’s shook. ‘Cause ain’t no such things as half-way crooks. He’s scared to death, he’s scared to look, at his fucking yearbook, fuck Cranbrook.
Fuck a beat, I go a cappella. Fuck a Papa Doc, fuck a clock, fuck a trailer, fuck everybody. Fuck y’all if you doubt me. I’m a piece of fucking white trash, I say it proudly. And fuck this battle, I don’t wanna win, I’m outtie.
Here, tell these people something they don’t know about me.
Who the hell makes that comment? “It’s not that nice of a morning.” Watch out for that sociopath. He does not close.
Another treat for the road.
We who are about to grill, salute you.
Chop up the soul Kanye, set on his goals Kanye.
No problem. That’s what they’re for, friendo. Get off your ass and make magic.
Great minds, Mel. Great minds. Slash suck it.
BAH GAWD THAT’S BRIAN’S MUSIC
No.
STRONG SIIIIIIIIIIIIDE
I love your lifestyle.
#TeamContent
Don’t let Super Bowl week traffic get you down.
Excellent choice, DJ
I almost want to buy you a pair just to call you a fucking idiot.
Now you’re spreading the vibes to other people. That’s a win.
Do you set an alarm, or what? I’d be too scared that I wouldn’t wake up until like 7pm
Go Rockets. James Harden for MVP. Eric Gordon for Sixth Man Of The Year. Mike D’Antoni for Coach Of The Year. Sam Dekker for POTUS.
Drinking with dogs is the best. Enjoy.
“Baby don’t cry, I hope you got your head up. Even when the road is hard, never give up.” -Pac