I have a constant day dream of watching “The Big Lebowski” in my bathtub while eating a large pizza. PGP.

Was just endorsed on LinkedIn for customer satisfaction by the girl I’ve been hooking up with. PGP.

I feel congratulations are in order. Our warehouse has officially gone eleven days without a stabbing incident. PGP.

Only 22 and already thinking about giving up and marrying rich. PGP.

Sitting in your cubicle, questioning why you didn’t get piss ass drunk on more random Tuesdays in college. PGP.

The guy who had a mental breakdown and threatened everyone at work just got promoted over me. PGP.

I’m writing this so my office mates think I’m actually working. PGP.

Couldn’t use a lot of my vacation days this year. Took off every Friday until 2015. PGPM.