Oh, man, you’re that guy. The one that would totally rattle off the middle of this comment about 5 seconds into a date, and then maybe whip out his penis to catch the irresistible urge you can surely expect to descend between the ears your Zeus’ lightningbolt of attractiveness has penetrated. Don’t let me in a room with you or my clothes will just FLY OFF with raging appreciation.
Solution: If you go to said bar, wear a onesie. Onesies only in bars. Onesies, paper bag, draw on a mustache, hose yourself down (but don’t wear white). Wear neon sign that says “for the love of God just talk to me about things that matter.” But, you know, keep it cute. Because that douchebag in the corner (I hate the term douchebag. Pussy juice is sweet and fantastic, so why the insult I don’t get it. I guess maybe because douching can cause pregnancy complications, so the douche itself is the problem. I will choose that reality) could just be your future husband.
This is all one diabolical, fucked up experiment to see how many people like this article, isn’t it. I am yet unwilling to give you that much credit, but man, that would be a sad, sad, social experiment, to count the clicks for this article as clicks against women, which isn’t so far off, is it…
“Relax.” I’ve heard that one before…let me guess, we’re overreacting? Typical woman, overreacting. Better lock her in a room somewhere, maybe with some yellow wallpaper.
Wow…so if I walk up to an NFL football player and say “you know, I just love black people who are really athletic. They are so much fun to watch.” I am somehow not a completely patronising racist, because I am complimenting them? I do not want RogerSterlingJr’s fucked up favors. This article implies that smart and successful women are a special commodity for the infinite supply of smart and successful men. I don’t need him to pull me forward, or tap lamely on any glass ceilings for me, while simultaneously hoping I will press my breasts against such glass. My mind is BLOWN by how much you are selling yourself short. Now watch, he’s going to say something about how he doesn’t want to see my breasts anyway. Because women who don’t buy the bullshit don’t get the golden penis *wipes away tear*
Okay, so if people like your article, you stand by it, but id people call it out for the chauvinistic bullshit that it is, it’s a joke. Are you owning it or disowning it? Is this an entirely satirical article demonstrating what NOT to believe? I sure as hell hope so, but I don’t buy for a second that that was your intention. You were looking for props for being evolved, but alas, you weren’t able to escape yourself. And now you’re trying to say “I was just kidding” after saying “woman, make me a sandwich.”. It’s 2013 and smart women don’t go for that shit. Jokes like that are the first step on the yellow brick road to abuse. Make your own sandwich, and whole you’re at it, move out.
A smart and successful woman also has a strong intuition about character, which, when reading this, would likely make her feel like vomiting. I can only hope that this overblown sense of entitlement and unbelievably sexist and shallow focus solely on what’s in it for the husband is satire. The only thing that should ever matter is if your heart has met its match. The desire and delusional willingness to step on a woman’s brain as a rung in your ladder upwards only serves to forever eliminate you from eligibility to be with such a woman. Your soul-sucking selfishness makes you no better than the “leeches” you denigrate. The audacity to imply that many women are half-assed moms, and if they do it they better be “good” at it, also makes you a nightmare prospect of a husband. Someone, please tell me this is a joke.
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When Zeus throws a lightningbolt it is ONE word, so Suz I love ya but don’t hate on my grammar parade
Oh, man, you’re that guy. The one that would totally rattle off the middle of this comment about 5 seconds into a date, and then maybe whip out his penis to catch the irresistible urge you can surely expect to descend between the ears your Zeus’ lightningbolt of attractiveness has penetrated. Don’t let me in a room with you or my clothes will just FLY OFF with raging appreciation.
Solution: If you go to said bar, wear a onesie. Onesies only in bars. Onesies, paper bag, draw on a mustache, hose yourself down (but don’t wear white). Wear neon sign that says “for the love of God just talk to me about things that matter.” But, you know, keep it cute. Because that douchebag in the corner (I hate the term douchebag. Pussy juice is sweet and fantastic, so why the insult I don’t get it. I guess maybe because douching can cause pregnancy complications, so the douche itself is the problem. I will choose that reality) could just be your future husband.
“Her Instagram account exists solely to broadcast the message that she is hot, and she is only getting hotter by doing squats on the reg.”
Simple, pure, nailed it.
This is all one diabolical, fucked up experiment to see how many people like this article, isn’t it. I am yet unwilling to give you that much credit, but man, that would be a sad, sad, social experiment, to count the clicks for this article as clicks against women, which isn’t so far off, is it…
“Relax.” I’ve heard that one before…let me guess, we’re overreacting? Typical woman, overreacting. Better lock her in a room somewhere, maybe with some yellow wallpaper.
Wow…so if I walk up to an NFL football player and say “you know, I just love black people who are really athletic. They are so much fun to watch.” I am somehow not a completely patronising racist, because I am complimenting them? I do not want RogerSterlingJr’s fucked up favors. This article implies that smart and successful women are a special commodity for the infinite supply of smart and successful men. I don’t need him to pull me forward, or tap lamely on any glass ceilings for me, while simultaneously hoping I will press my breasts against such glass. My mind is BLOWN by how much you are selling yourself short. Now watch, he’s going to say something about how he doesn’t want to see my breasts anyway. Because women who don’t buy the bullshit don’t get the golden penis *wipes away tear*
Yes! Thank you! I bet RogerSterlingJr is going to call you a poo-poo head. It’s funny to watch him personally attack the commenters.
Okay, so if people like your article, you stand by it, but id people call it out for the chauvinistic bullshit that it is, it’s a joke. Are you owning it or disowning it? Is this an entirely satirical article demonstrating what NOT to believe? I sure as hell hope so, but I don’t buy for a second that that was your intention. You were looking for props for being evolved, but alas, you weren’t able to escape yourself. And now you’re trying to say “I was just kidding” after saying “woman, make me a sandwich.”. It’s 2013 and smart women don’t go for that shit. Jokes like that are the first step on the yellow brick road to abuse. Make your own sandwich, and whole you’re at it, move out.
A smart and successful woman also has a strong intuition about character, which, when reading this, would likely make her feel like vomiting. I can only hope that this overblown sense of entitlement and unbelievably sexist and shallow focus solely on what’s in it for the husband is satire. The only thing that should ever matter is if your heart has met its match. The desire and delusional willingness to step on a woman’s brain as a rung in your ladder upwards only serves to forever eliminate you from eligibility to be with such a woman. Your soul-sucking selfishness makes you no better than the “leeches” you denigrate. The audacity to imply that many women are half-assed moms, and if they do it they better be “good” at it, also makes you a nightmare prospect of a husband. Someone, please tell me this is a joke.