Totally empathize with your comment, 100% agreed that both men and women need to do better. However, if you look at the scenarios you listed above the potential risk in the case of a worst case scenario (ie: she ends up with the aforementioned 10% who deserve to get buried under the prison) is higher for a girl who clearly and emphatically says “no” than the risk for a guy to pick up on body language, stop doing whatever you’re doing for a second, and check if she’s still into it. Absolute worst case scenario in most cases she will think he’s weird for asking that, or she will reconsider and say no. I think that is why so much of the conversation around consent tends to put a majority of the burden on men because in most cases the natural power dynamic is shifted in their favor.
To provide a different perspective, I’ve been in this situation before and made that call. It’s nearly impossible to predict what a guy’s reaction to rejection could be, especially when he’s been drinking or if you don’t know him well. I don’t think the author meant she takes home some creepy dude at the bar just to get him off her back. But it’s all too easy to find yourself in a situation alone with a guy you aren’t comfortable with who feels entitled to sleeping with you. Then you aren’t sure if you tell him to fuck off that he’ll actually fuck off OR potentially get angry and/or violent and put you in an unsafe situation. It’s not a reward for terrible behavior, but more of an instinctual survival tactic based on your read of the situation.
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Totally empathize with your comment, 100% agreed that both men and women need to do better. However, if you look at the scenarios you listed above the potential risk in the case of a worst case scenario (ie: she ends up with the aforementioned 10% who deserve to get buried under the prison) is higher for a girl who clearly and emphatically says “no” than the risk for a guy to pick up on body language, stop doing whatever you’re doing for a second, and check if she’s still into it. Absolute worst case scenario in most cases she will think he’s weird for asking that, or she will reconsider and say no. I think that is why so much of the conversation around consent tends to put a majority of the burden on men because in most cases the natural power dynamic is shifted in their favor.
To provide a different perspective, I’ve been in this situation before and made that call. It’s nearly impossible to predict what a guy’s reaction to rejection could be, especially when he’s been drinking or if you don’t know him well. I don’t think the author meant she takes home some creepy dude at the bar just to get him off her back. But it’s all too easy to find yourself in a situation alone with a guy you aren’t comfortable with who feels entitled to sleeping with you. Then you aren’t sure if you tell him to fuck off that he’ll actually fuck off OR potentially get angry and/or violent and put you in an unsafe situation. It’s not a reward for terrible behavior, but more of an instinctual survival tactic based on your read of the situation.
Seriously admire your hustle.