Everything I want seems to require a certain level of dedication and self control. I will never have anything I want. PGP.

The janitor and I both stare out the window wistfully. I assume we’re both thinking that the third floor just isn’t quite high enough. PGP.

The only men that hit on me are old enough to be my father and creepy enough to be my uncle. PGP.

Fresh skid marks in my favorite bathroom stall. Day ruined. PGP.

Getting a technical issue resolved is determined solely by how much you’re willing to let the IT guy sexually harass you. PGP.

I think I may be the epitome of what’s wrong with this generation. PGP.

Dying a little more inside each time you make eye contact with a hopeful, eager interviewee. PGP.

1: “Going to decorate your cube?” 2: “Someday. With my brain splatter.” PGP.

Games of Thrones is my sole source of porn. PGP.

Mauling down your little cousins at the Easter egg hunt once you learn one contains a $100 bill. PGP.