You’re not alone. Not even 24 hours after the proudest day of my life– graduating from the prestigious Texas State University, I shit my pants. Graduation had came with excellent hill country bbq and mexican meals paired with copious amounts of alcohol. Mix all of this with an adderal-alcohol binge night, followed by your dickhead fraternity brother taking you eat an all you can eat Chinese Buffet the next morning, you have yourself Royal Rumble 96 in your stomach.
My brother is driving me back through campus to get my truck, I get in my truck, everything is quiet. I pull into my neighborhood and I feel it. I imagine my stomach is looking like when you mix baking soda and coke together and that’s how I feel–bubbly and not the good kind. I pull the hip thrust manuever, as if pulling my pelvic towards Heaven will allow God to not let me shit myself. With every speed bump I hit (7, 7 fucking speed bumps in a shit neighborhod) I realize I am going to shit myself. I pull in front of my house, prairie dogging it to the max, and breathing as if I’m going to birth a child. I take one step down out of my truck and I shit myself.
I go inside and finish the dirty deed. As I shit, I looked at my Hanes/Brooks Brother shorts shit induced combo laying in the middle of the floor. I think what do I do?… Do I tell anyone, do I burn the clothes? Fuck, my mom just bought these $80 shorts 2 days ago.
I call my grandmother to ask her what to do with the shorts. I then have to speak with my grandfather about responsibility– “Grown adults do not shit themselves, son. You need to be more responsible and taking care of yourself. Jesus fucking Christ do you think your older brother was running around shitting himself, the day after graduation? No, he was on a plane to New York to start a working, unlike you.”
Shitting your pants means your irresponsible, thanks for clearing that up for me Grandpa.
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16) You’ve walked blacked out a few times from The Hill to Foggy Bottom because it’s not that far.
“Remington’s… Sounds like a bar I might like, hopefully there’s some deer mounts and avid outdoorsmen… Fuck this is a gay bar.”
You’re not alone. Not even 24 hours after the proudest day of my life– graduating from the prestigious Texas State University, I shit my pants. Graduation had came with excellent hill country bbq and mexican meals paired with copious amounts of alcohol. Mix all of this with an adderal-alcohol binge night, followed by your dickhead fraternity brother taking you eat an all you can eat Chinese Buffet the next morning, you have yourself Royal Rumble 96 in your stomach.
My brother is driving me back through campus to get my truck, I get in my truck, everything is quiet. I pull into my neighborhood and I feel it. I imagine my stomach is looking like when you mix baking soda and coke together and that’s how I feel–bubbly and not the good kind. I pull the hip thrust manuever, as if pulling my pelvic towards Heaven will allow God to not let me shit myself. With every speed bump I hit (7, 7 fucking speed bumps in a shit neighborhod) I realize I am going to shit myself. I pull in front of my house, prairie dogging it to the max, and breathing as if I’m going to birth a child. I take one step down out of my truck and I shit myself.
I go inside and finish the dirty deed. As I shit, I looked at my Hanes/Brooks Brother shorts shit induced combo laying in the middle of the floor. I think what do I do?… Do I tell anyone, do I burn the clothes? Fuck, my mom just bought these $80 shorts 2 days ago.
I call my grandmother to ask her what to do with the shorts. I then have to speak with my grandfather about responsibility– “Grown adults do not shit themselves, son. You need to be more responsible and taking care of yourself. Jesus fucking Christ do you think your older brother was running around shitting himself, the day after graduation? No, he was on a plane to New York to start a working, unlike you.”
Shitting your pants means your irresponsible, thanks for clearing that up for me Grandpa.
That’s the time, I shit my pants.
With all due respect ma’am, and I do mean with all due respect.
http://youtu.be/fJj_8Pneo84