My favorite pen is an advertisement for Viagra. PGP.

One of my older coworkers has just now discovered Siri and talks to her phone all day. PGP.

Understanding what the “Friends” theme song was all about more and more every single day of my life. PGP.

Everyday around the same time after lunch, my computer goes into a sort of production slump, much like me after lunch. We were meant to be together. PGP.

My bank posts my paycheck as “pending” the day before pay day, essentially teasing me with my own money. PGP.

It smells like cheap perfume and shame in the elevator today. PGP.

One 5-hour Energy away from a heart attack. PGP.

Learning the hard way to keep happy hour and social media separate. PGP.

Executives making sure to CC the entire company before sending emails patting themselves on the back. PGP.

My “tax refund” this year is as depressing as the elevator ride up to my office every day. PGP.