Please stick around through May, I paid good money for my lift ticket and I have nothing better to do all weekend except for ski and get drunk at the lodge.
Love,
Everyone above the Mason-Dixon Line and near a Mountain (sorry about those hills Midwest, bear with us)
My average monthly bar bill was at least twice what I spent on gas and food. I decided this needed to change, so here we are two weeks in and the only night I can ‘afford’ going out is Thursday ($1 beers and college kids), which is the worst. Forget girls, getting lucky means finding a mediocre pool player for doubles so I can win my $5 in beer money back.
Not very ‘Merica without including learning how to throw a football, clean and fillet a fish (I’d also throw gutting and skinning a deer/bird/etc. in here, but not everyone can learn how to be a real man), chop down a tree, use a chainsaw, proper BBQ technique, fix shit (or at least be able to perform an oil change and jump start a car), and shoot a shotgun (both eyes open, champ).
You haven’t lived until you’ve seen two 40 year old men reach fisticuffs at the gas station at 11:30pm on a Friday night. God bless HS football in middle America.
You’re probably cute enough that for the next 10 years or so you can stab any geriatric’s arm as many times as you need to find the vein and he couldn’t care less.
If it makes you feel any better I bought an adult sized Jeep because of my traumatic childhood and have crashed it more than a handful of times, but unlike a Power Wheels, adult sized ones are near indestructible.
Engineering:
Expectation: Enjoying modest paper stacking along a stable career path.
Reality 1: Suffering through modest paper stacking along an unstable career path — and if you’re lucky enough to work at a hot company like Google for some moderate paper stacking, being treated like a child.
Reality 2: Slaving at a startup for no stacks of paper in search of IPO gold only to get laid off prior to the CEO selling the company IP for several mil to retire to Tahoe with a brand new Ferrari or Tesla. Still driving your grandma’s 1992 Toyota Tercel that spews oil from every orifice.
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Can you fetch Randall J. Knox a coffee and ask him to fast-track whatever is up next in his queue today? I think he’s holding out on us.
Thanks.
I got a fair amount of play out of “My Dick’s Named Aaron Hernandez Because It’ll Shoot You In the Face.”
That Audi takes premium… leave it to hipsters to fuck up everything.
Which would be retitled to “How my husband would dress his husband after he steps out of the closet”
Scrolling through these pictures was a form of torture that has to be worse than water boarding.
Dear Winter,
Please stick around through May, I paid good money for my lift ticket and I have nothing better to do all weekend except for ski and get drunk at the lodge.
Love,
Everyone above the Mason-Dixon Line and near a Mountain (sorry about those hills Midwest, bear with us)
The NBA = The place where Basketball goes to die.
Your Job = The place where your dreams go to die.
Freshman faces or senior yearbook, who knows? But you’re welcome.
“like a parking brake to slow down through a curve”
This metaphor doesn’t work as intended, unless of course upside down in a ditch is what you were going for.
My average monthly bar bill was at least twice what I spent on gas and food. I decided this needed to change, so here we are two weeks in and the only night I can ‘afford’ going out is Thursday ($1 beers and college kids), which is the worst. Forget girls, getting lucky means finding a mediocre pool player for doubles so I can win my $5 in beer money back.
Lol what? That’s a steep cliff you’ve jumped off from 165k first year associate pay.
Not very ‘Merica without including learning how to throw a football, clean and fillet a fish (I’d also throw gutting and skinning a deer/bird/etc. in here, but not everyone can learn how to be a real man), chop down a tree, use a chainsaw, proper BBQ technique, fix shit (or at least be able to perform an oil change and jump start a car), and shoot a shotgun (both eyes open, champ).
You haven’t lived until you’ve seen two 40 year old men reach fisticuffs at the gas station at 11:30pm on a Friday night. God bless HS football in middle America.
You’re probably cute enough that for the next 10 years or so you can stab any geriatric’s arm as many times as you need to find the vein and he couldn’t care less.
What difference does it make? You never get past the first 5 minutes, so for background I like any Steve Erwin show.
If it makes you feel any better I bought an adult sized Jeep because of my traumatic childhood and have crashed it more than a handful of times, but unlike a Power Wheels, adult sized ones are near indestructible.
Jess wrangled herself up a typical SF Peter Pan.
“You didn’t get a Power Wheels Jeep like you asked for every damn year of your life.”
That hit way too close to home, hello secret office liquor stash.
Engineering:
Expectation: Enjoying modest paper stacking along a stable career path.
Reality 1: Suffering through modest paper stacking along an unstable career path — and if you’re lucky enough to work at a hot company like Google for some moderate paper stacking, being treated like a child.
Reality 2: Slaving at a startup for no stacks of paper in search of IPO gold only to get laid off prior to the CEO selling the company IP for several mil to retire to Tahoe with a brand new Ferrari or Tesla. Still driving your grandma’s 1992 Toyota Tercel that spews oil from every orifice.