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One of the finer warm weather sports, day drinking requires years of training, endurance, and dedication. Unlike the free-for-all Natty Light chugging of our college days, the stakes are higher because we actually need to, um, show up to things on time and not leave any lingering, horrible impressions on colleagues and potential slams. Not to mention, the implications of a slower metabolism and apathy regarding the gym.
The easiest way to keep a sense of decorum about you when you’re three quarters deep into a fifth of whiskey is to dress the part of a man who has his wits about him. Your wits may have faded–along with any morals you had–once you started signing four figure rent checks, but you’ll look good.
First of all, you can’t show up to the rager, even if it’s just someone’s back porch, with beer in a backpack. You’re not a hobo riding the rails, so transport those #blessed bottles in something more substantial, like that weekender bag you barely use because you’re usually called into the office on Sunday. This bag fits the bill because of its seasonal hue and lightweight construction. It also won’t add to the weight of its contents of unfulfilled dreams.
Seersucker is a warm weather essential, which becomes a power move when worn in sport coat form. Pair it with obnoxiously bright pants, an open shirt that reveals the perfect amount of chest hair, and watch the sundress-clad women flock to you like sharks smelling (blue) blood.
Fight the spring chill with a Nantucket Red layer worthy of any Maverick. Unbeknownst to many, the Danger Zone isn’t a place, but a state of mind that you can only reach with your personal peak level of intoxication and the quality of wingmen you keep.
Ladies aren’t the only ones who benefit from showing a lot of leg. Sky’s out, thighs out with these glorious Oxford shorts, which should be treated with the same respect as their longer counterparts. Complement them with a blazer or a bow tie, but please, at least be slightly toned.
Everyone and their bastard child owns Sperrys in multiple shades of brown. There’s nothing wrong with that, but consider switching it up with a driving moccasin that boasts the same fit and versatility, but also has a handsome kiltie accent. It appears more formal, and, after all, the first thing a woman will notice about a man are his shoes…and whether or not he’s coherent.
On the days you don’t feel like getting dressed, there’s no shame in opting for a terry robe while downing a few bloodies by the open window with last night’s conquest. Spring and summer are all about enjoying the moment–especially if that moment involves cocktail olives and no pants.
Now that your traditional Bedale is in storage, switch out your favorite olive piece of outerwear with a more seasonal, quilted option that still maintains classic sensibility. To put it bluntly, you could throw on an old frocket tee, faded chinos, boat shoes, and this jacket, and it will seal the deal. It’s not laziness, but practicality at its sleep-deprived finest.
In a perfect world, we would drink American beer from the backs of American golf carts while toasting our thriving economy and swinging at balls atop golden tees. While that may not be the case, you can still punch up your wardrobe with an American-made polo that’s more than par for the course.
Wear your enthusiasm and thirst for life with embroidered shorts that still show off those wonderful calves. Critter pants are one of the true delights of the season, and should be treated with the respect they deserve. These martini-bedecked ones will be perfect for happy hour, crab-accented ones best suit the beach, and whale-embroidered ones would work for breaking into SeaWorld to take a selfie.