I want to get a German Shepherd but they’re too smart and I know it would end up just calling me on my shit. PGP.

Just got a new boss who is great, but he’s really excited about work. The worst part is that I’m starting to get excited about work now too. PGP.

Today I witnessed some savage animal walk into the stall with a full mug of coffee and proceed to shart violently. PGP.

It was a tough decision, but I am now moving my official bed time from 11 to 10. PGP.

I’m a piece of shit. PGP.

If only buying Geico car insurance was all it took to get me on the Gravy Train. PGP.

The daily race home to beat my roommate to the TV after work. PGP.

How does one get into white collar crime? PGP.

My workout last week was mowing my parents’ lawn on a riding mower. PGP.

The metrics I’m evaluated on contradict each other. PGP.