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A black cloud is above me. I am crippled with anxiety, and I have been rocking back and forth periodically today. I have come close to actual tears twice. No amount of ice water, French fries, Excedrin, or TV is subduing this feeling, because this feeling hasn’t come on suddenly from this weekend. This feeling has been with me not just for a day, not just a week, not a month… it’s really been following me for a full year. This is the week that I turn 30.
I just choked back my tears.
I may not look old, but I have been feeling old. Most of my friends are married or engaged, and some of my friends even have had kids on purpose. Lately, I’ve been driving the actual speed limit. I fell asleep watching Olympic track and field last week (but seriously, who doesn’t?). I know that can’t drink like I used to be able to without my body, mind, and soul hating me. My metabolism died a few years ago. (RIP, high school and college were great.) I was at a concert two weeks ago, and my ears were ringing for two days after. Sigh. This is 30.
Oh good God, 30. Does this mean that I am officially an adult now? Does it mean that I can no longer blame poor life choices on being “young and dumb” because now I’m going to be considered “old and an idiot?” Do I have to give up my favorite hobby, Facebook stalking? Am I still allowed to listen to Justin Bieber? How many Fireball shots is socially acceptable for a 30-year-old to order at the bar? Is it even socially acceptable for a 30-year-old to go to a bar, or do I have to stay home and watch PBS? What kind of official adult things come with 30?
30. I should probably get my shit together. I’ll start simple; I’ll pick up some vitamins next time I’m out, and actually take them. I’ll also buy some sensible shoes, something like a nice pair of Easy Spirit. I think I’ll also just start wearing my glasses full time, because who needs contacts? I’m going to take up knitting and make myself a shawl, because I’ll always be cold. I should also stock up on Werther’s for my purse, and keep a cache of Clairol Nice-N-Easy for root touch-ups when the grays come in. I’m going to start going to hella book-clubs and baking lots of pies. I think I’ll also take up Bingo and birding, because homegirl is gonna need hobbies besides yelling at Satan’s disciples, a.k.a. teenagers. They only serve as reminders that youth is wasted on the young, and that my prime is behind me because I’m thir-fucking-ty.
Okay, deep breaths, now… Maybe 30 won’t be so bad. This upcoming year I have some great travel plans that are going to take me to a couple of beaches and beyond. Maybe this is the year that Mr. Right swipes right: after all, it’s probably time to put myself out there to find some respectable man with whom to start a relationship: there should be a few left out there. And if not, I do have my (crazy) family, and my (pretty good) health, and my (run of the mill) career.
Oh shit, who the fuck am I kidding? I am standing on the edge of a cliff, staring into a dark abyss that is 30. I’m terrified to jump; nevertheless, it doesn’t matter because I’m about to be shoved off. I’m wearing a safety harness, but I have no idea if my parachute is working. At least I’ll be wearing sensible shoes. .
Respond
@_mmmk8
I’m only 26 and this is too much for a Monday morning.
I don’t know if it’s my second cup of coffee of the afternoon or not but while reading, I felt the anxiety permeate my body as I lost track of where my arms and hands end and my office desk and keyboard begin
I remember being 16 wondering what it would feel like to be 21 then you realize it isn’t that big of a deal. 21, 30, 50, whatever self imposed anxiety inducing age you can imagine… It isn’t that big of a deal.
Get a dog. Fall in love. Do some camping. Travel a little. Drink good whiskey and store away a little change for the future.
You’ll be just fine.
you had me at the whiskey part
Spot on. I turned 30 this summer and definitely had a bit of anxiety about it. But, you wake up the next day and life continues just the same as before.
The only thing that weirds me out sometimes is that I don’t FEEL 30. I still feel like some people view me as like a young kid. But then you realize that when you meet another adult for the first time, they just see you as a grown ass man (or woman).
Just do what my mom does and tell everyone you’re 28.
I’m 28
I’ll turn thirty next year, and I plan on having a “30 and Single” party where I register for all of the shit that I’ve bought people for weddings over the past ten years. I’m going buy a really expensive dress/look really hot, rent a party bus and go on a massive pub crawl. Maybe I’ll even go on an awesome vacation after the night out (honeymoon?). I want my Insta friends with their sonogram profile pictures and wedding hashtags to be jealous, just for one day. You’re all invited.
I promise I’m not this bitter in everyday life. Maybe it’s because a friend texted me yesterday, unprompted, that “It’s hard to have babies and start a business. Keep your life as simple as you can.” and then I read this. Monday Scaries are real.
I, too, turn 30 this year. And I got the cold sweats just reading this.
I turn 25 in a few months and I’m stoked to rent a car at a reasonable rate. Plus senior discount in just a few decades.
I was already feeling anxious because my self review at work is due today. Reading this just sent that anxiety into the stratosphere.
You had me at baking pies….sup?
But i feel ya…its like standing in a tunnel or that scene from stand by me and this time theres no beating the train off the bridge…think its worse if you still look super young. i went to pick up my texts books for my first semester of grad school and i kept getting directed to the freshman orientation by the campus guides. The twilight of your 20’s is scary. at least for me,…i turn 29 in a few months so the anxiety is definitely building.
Thank you for wearing your safety harness. 30 years and above exceeds OSHA’s limitations on great abysses.
I turn 30 soon and I’m kind of excited, like I’m proud/lucky I made it this far.