======= ======= ====== ====== ====== ===== ==== ====== ====== ===== ==== ======= ======= ====== ====== ====== ===== ==== ====== ====== ===== ====
It’s always a beautiful thing when stereotypes perpetuate themselves. That’s a quote, and I’m going to leave it at that because I don’t want to lose my job. But I think we can all agree that college lacrosse players have a pretttttttty pretty defined image when it comes to the general public’s view of them. You know the type — white, affluent, preppy, 1%, whatever. I don’t know, take 2009 legend Brantford Winstonworth, for instance.
Or Bert Breakfast, who consistently expects to win national championships despite consistently blacking out on Jager Bombs at upstairs Rhino.
Pickin’ up what I’m puttin’ down? Alright, good.
Well, Inside Lacrosse put out their 9th edition of their Lacrosse All-Name Team, and it safe to say that didn’t disappoint. And that’s coming from a dude named William Fritz deFries II.
First Team
A Shackleford Stanwick,So., Johns Hopkins
A Colton McCaffrey, So., Denver
A, Schuylor Dickerson, Sr., Lees-McRae
M Deemer Class, Sr., Duke
M IV Stucker, So., Roanoke
M Brickman House, Jr., Utica
D Sky Dupree, Fr., North Greenville
D Coy Broderick, Fr., Hanover
D Braylen Sampson, So., Bryant
G Hampton Worboys, So., Mars Hill
This sounds like a “Who’s Who?” of a secret society at Yale where you have to kill a peasant in order to get in. Except for Sky Dupree, who just sounds like he would be the most dynamic athlete in a high school football movie.
Second Team
A Headley VanMeter, Sr., Birmingham-Southern
A McLaren Brady, Sr., Cortland
A Bear Altemus, Jr., Princeton
M Burke Harrington III, Sr., Washington College
M Brinton Valis, So., Johns Hopkins
M Griffin Woodfinlevine, Jr., Montclair State
D Garrett Chitwood, So., Adams State
D Tripp Telesco, Sr., Lehigh
D Rowland Pettit, Sr., Duke
G Gunnar Waldt, Sr., Bryant
Bear? Tripp? Griffin Wiidfinlevine? Are you kidding me? It’s almost like their parents read Town & Country’s Preppiest Nicknames, put them on a dart board, and used whatever name their scotch-soaked toss landed on.
Third Team
A Tate Beason, Jr., Florida Tech
A Blaine Stottlar, Jr., Lees-McRae
A Robbie Betchley III, Jr., Furman
M Broderick Vitalie, Fr., Holy Cross
M Holden Rosen Grupp, So., Tufts
M Bryson Gilbert-Bono, Sr., Williams
M Carney Mahon, So., Harvard
D Rich Mix, So., Benedictine
D Coleman Walsh III, Sr., Catholic
D Maximillian Crowley, Sr., Mitchell
G Addison Sherwood, Jr., Jacksonville
The most upsetting thing about this entire list is that there are only three of these dudes with roman numerals. But I guess you’ve gotta imagine that their kids (and their kid’s kids) will make it on the list come 2056 and beyond. .
[via Inside Lacrosse]
Image via YouTube
Respond
Will
Will (Twitter / Instagram) is the host of The Sunday Scaries Podcast.
@willdefries
@willdefries
defriewf
will@grandex.co
I played lacrosse in HS in Connecticut (albeit on the poor Eastern side), and I had a hard time understanding which was the first name and which was the last name in those lists.
I really want to know what IV Stucker’s first name is. Gotta be good if he is going with the roman numerals instead.
Sincerely can’t believe this list isn’t a joke. Amazing.
“Bros! Anyone care to lax?!?”
Surprised Patrick Bateman II didn’t make this list. Kid’s got killer moves just like his father.
Lol when I have one of these kids on snapchat and didn’t know it
Does Colton McCaffery have any relation to Christian McCaffery who is also from Denver?
Not sure about the downvotes… that’s the first thing I thought. After some investigating…I think so, his twitter has a few RT’s about Christian’s Heisman campaign.
The McCaffrey’s just “breed fast white kids.”
Is this fucking real?
It only gets worse when you play in college especially at the Division One level. The kids on my team were basically Hamptons inheritors or sons of Wall Street guys. Then there was me the sole kid from Boston who chilled with the Canadian kids who had normal/non-pretentious human names.
Canadians are some of the most chill people on earth. Honestly glad our roster kept 9 or so of them around each year in college.
This feels in order. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8PQogX88yjg