This Might Be The Cockiest Quote In Any Marriage Announcement Ever

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This Might Be The Cockiest Quote In Any Marriage Announcement Ever

We all know that New York Times marriage announcements are rife with unbearable, intolerable, and downright horrible people. Week in and week out, we’re forced to hear their overwrought tales of how they met and endured their honeymoon stage in La La Land only to get married in some random barn in Upstate New York.

But every once in a while, you come across a couple that you immediately want to befriend and go on couple’s trips with to Hudson over a long weekend. A couple that you want to have an ongoing group text with making fun of all the other annoying couples you’re forced to be friends with. A couple that’s not afraid to let you sleep on the couch after a dinner party when you clear out the better part of a case of wine.

Mariel and Justin? Yeah, they seem like that type of couple. Their marriage announcement from April 3rd references their love for collegiate lacrosse, their wedding ceremony, and their seemingly wonderful parents. But it wasn’t until the final paragraph of the announcement where you really got to see Justin’s moxy where he explains how the two met.

The couple met in their junior year of college after each had played during a day of lacrosse scrimmages at Manhattan College. “How could Mariel not fall in love with me?” Mr. Jensen asked. “I scored five goals.”

Justin just throwing out five-spots during scrimmages at his $37,000-per-year university in front of some girls teams from around the area? Yeah, that’s just what Justin does. If you think he didn’t have a little pep in his step when he saw Mariel in the stands watching, you’re crazy. That was his National Championship game because he knew that if he put on a laser show for the ladies, he was gettin’ busy that night.


[via New York Times / H/T Nichael Bluth]

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Will deFries (Twitter / Instagram) is a Senior Editor at Grandex and the world's foremost authority on Sunday Scaries (Twitter / Instagram).

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