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This Is The Most Aggressive ‘Things Girls Do After Graduation’ Fan Mail I’ve Ever Received

by May 26, 2016
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This Is The Most Aggressive 'Things Girls Do After Graduation' Fan Mail I've Ever Received

I’m not going to act like I get that many reader emails, because frankly, I don’t. But when I do, they revolve around three things – a desire to write, advice on some type of chill-related subject, or Things Girls Do After Graduation.

Most of the emails regarding our fictional heroine? They’re just inquiries into what’s going to happen next or suggestions of certain topics that need to be covered. Others are just people pointing out typos, which immediately get deleted with my middle finger clicking the mouse button. But today, things changed. Things went in a dark direction. They took a turn for the worse and we had someone Sperry’s (her precious dog, for those not following along at home) head.

Below, in it’s entirety, is the most aggressive piece of ‘Things Girls Do After Graduation’ fan mail we’ve ever received.

Love this series, man. I start looking for it around lunch time every Wednesday because it is awesome.

I have one question about the future of this terrific series- when is this girl going to do one thing EVERYONE has done after graduation, namely “Hit Rock Bottom” or “The Shit Hits the Fan”? I anxiously wait every Wednesday to see if this is the week that she gets dumped by Todd and/or cut off financially from her over-indulgent parents bc her daddy committed securities fraud and banged the maid. Maybe she gets a DUI, or knocked-up by her rebound piece of ass post-Todd break-up?

Call me a bad person, but I can’t wait to see her Land Cruiser get repossessed or Sperry get run over by a truck on the way to the park bc she was busy picking an Instagram filter for her picture of breakfast, or whatever meaningless sh*t girls do on their phones all day. When does she get the distinct privilege of working 2 jobs performing menial tasks for low wages and all of her friends abandon her bc she can’t keep up financially with their expensive lifestyle/hobbies?

Please tell me this is in the works. This girl has been living too high on the hog for too long and needs to be dragged into the sewer with the rest of us. I’m an upper-middle class guy myself, not some “eat the rich” communist, but this girl needs a dose of reality, stat.

Thanks

It starts off innocently enough with a compliment to the series as a whole much like most of the fan emails do. But then shit just gets real.

Do I love the idea of her father committing securities fraud? Yes, because honestly, he probably has. Will she get a DUI? That’s a tough call considering her monthly Uber bill is more than most of our rents, but you never know what could happen. While I think most of this is entirely possible through the run of the series, I don’t think it’s entirely all that likely, guys. While I think she’s somewhat insufferable, I don’t think she’s inherently a horrible person – a controversial statement, I know.

Calling for Sperry to get hit by a truck, though? Have a heart, man. I get more sad about dogs dying than I do about humans. Sperry will most likely live forever, and that’s something I will admit about the series.

This email was posted anonymously with permission from the sender.

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