======= ======= ====== ====== ====== ===== ==== ====== ====== ===== ==== ======= ======= ====== ====== ====== ===== ==== ====== ====== ===== ====
What a shameless mad man. Richard Stallbrook from Kidderminster, Hereford and Worcester, United Kingdom created a LinkedIn profile listing all of his former relationships as a husband, boyfriend (both full and part-time), suitor, and something called an “Indeterminate position” in his efforts to find new love. His headline, which reads “Eligible bachelor seeks refined lady,” is second only to his summary, which reads:
I am an attractive, steady going and reliable man currently residing in the West Midlands area. After my previous relationship ended several months ago, I am now seeking a fresh start in a long term position with a similarly attractive woman with a successful career and between one and three children.
You can’t knock the vibe that this dude is putting out. After all, entering the dating game after the age of thirty has to be absolutely frightening, so taking to LinkedIn to put out the vibe actually seems somewhat reasonable to me. Now for some highlights.
Admitting that you shacked up with your brother post-divorce is a tough pill to swallow, but I love that he’s showing honesty right off the bat. Now he’s got a bach pad that’s potentially fit for a family? Game over.
Shots fired. Your move, Lisa. Such a classic Richard move to make himself sound like the best husband of all time and put the ball in Lisa’s court to dispute it. And if she does? That just makes her look like a bitter ex. Genius.
See, I would have left this one off. This is like when you get fired from a job and have to work at a Fazoli’s handing out breadsticks to make ends meet until you get back on your feet again. You just kind of leave that one off the resumé and hope no one notices the six-month gap.
We’ve all been there, Richard. Sometimes you play everything right and get a bust card even though you played the odds. Don’t beat yourself up.
To be honest, I’m not entirely sure what’s going on here with Andrea Marshall. Like, did you guys have a threesome? Was this a polyamorous relationship? Or did this Runaround Sue named Andrea just blatantly cheat on you? Either way, strong move showing that you’ve been cheated on. Sympathy City.
Oh, man. That winky face is so pervy. What a hound dog.
This one was big for our boy, Richard. It’s kind of like his first internship where he just ran coffees and acted busy all the time, all while soaking in the horror that is the corporate world. Or, in this case, women.
CURVEBALL. Cannot believe that Richard had a month-long homosexual fling with this Harry guy in December ’88. Just did not see that coming. Let your freak flag fly, Richard! #BenderThroughDecember
Mixtapes delivered to her desk? Hand-drawn cards attached to her chair? Richard, you romantic, you.
To read more about Richard’s romantic exploits, look no further than his complete LinkedIn page which also includes Skills that include lovemaking, cunnilingus, chivalry, modest cookery, and swing jive dancing. .
Image via JuliusKielaitis / Shutterstock.com
[via LinkedIn]
Respond
Will
Will (Twitter / Instagram) is the host of The Sunday Scaries Podcast.
@willdefries
@willdefries
defriewf
will@grandex.co
He didn’t just make a mixtape, he put each song into an appropriate order. Take note interns, that’s how you promote yourself on a resume.
It’s all about quantifying what you qualify.
Cant deny the hustle
What a savage, I hope someone will please endorse his “skills.” You gotta include a screenshot, here: http://i.imgur.com/BCegzsF.png
Richard is savage AF
I want to add the dude as a connection just to throw him fake endorsements (like all my real LinkedIn connections seem to do all the time).