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Every single day online, you’ll see a column like I Drank 12 Glasses Of Water Every Day For A Week, And This Is What Happened. Writers and influencers (whatever that means) take minor accomplishments and portray them as if they’re changing the world, one glass of water at a time. But they’re not – they “torture” themselves (if you can even call it that) and go back to their normal lives pretending that they’re better off.
And this case is no different. Well, maybe a little different in the sense that she’s doing her incredibly noble and arduous task every day of her life without light at the end of the tunnel. The hill she’s dying on? Social media.
A piece on Refinery29 titled “How This 29-Year-Old Woman Lives Social Media-Free” and it’s exactly what you’d expect it to be. It tells the story of Alexis Bradshaw, a woman who reportedly has zero social media presence as she “steadfastly abstains.” She describes her seven-year departure from social media after only having Facebook for the four years she was in college. Humblebrag a little more that it only took you four years to finish college, Alexis.
Okay, before I call the kettle black, I must come clean. I, too, was once a social media abstainer. There was a six-month period where I refused to get on Facebook and claimed my life was better without it. But then I realized that my crusade to remain off Facebook made it sound like I had a Facebook problem, and I reactivated my account after admitting to myself that being Facebook-less was a pointless hill to die on. If someone wanted to get in touch with me, I wanted them to be able to get in touch with me. Simple as that.
But not Alexis. Nope. In her interview, she reveals that she’s a special case. She described her struggle to delete her Facebook account – “I deleted the account altogether, which is not the simplest thing. It goes on for 14 days in case you change your mind!” – and honestly, I don’t know how she did it. That must have been a trying time for her and her loved ones.
Alexis also gets into her reasoning for removing herself from Facebook, as well. And this is where it gets really, really good.
“I’ve always been told I’m like an old person. I just really have no interest — I have all these books I need to read. I try to read The Economist, Fortune, and Inc. every week. It’s a time thing. And unless you’re going to be an expert giving me an opinion on something, I don’t really want your opinion on it.”
Yes, her reasoning is that she wants to be able to read The Economist, Fortune, and Inc. every week, which is apparently something you can’t do if you’re on social media. Everyone knows that you have to make a decision in life – am I Facebook person, or am I a magazine person? Alexis made the brave choice of choosing paper over friend requests.
Up until about eight months ago, she had a BlackBerry before switching over to an iPhone. Her reasoning, again, seemed a bit off: “I use it mostly for reading The Economist. That’s my favorite reason I got the iPhone — all my newspapers I get on there, Reuters and everything like that. And I use it mostly for work, really. And the camera.”
Again, I’m confused as to why someone would have to delete their social media in order to read magazines and newspapers on their phone, but at least she gets a bolstered camera out of the gig. And fortunately for her boyfriend, her lack of an Instagram account means he doesn’t have to be your typical Instagram husband.
“No! Actually, it’s one of the reasons my boyfriend says he loves me — I never ask him to take pictures of me to post on something. One time, some girl was taking a picture of herself under an awning. I never have to do that; there’s nowhere for it to go.”
Man, what a lucky guy. Dude really hit the jackpot.
When confronted by the interviewer about whether or not she was missing out, she revealed that if there’s anything worthwhile to see on Instagram, one of her two younger sisters will simply show her. It sounds like a drug addict telling their loved ones, “It’s okay that I relapsed because I didn’t buy the drugs myself.”
In closing, she actually admits, “I do use LinkedIn, but that’s literally it.” And you’d be hard-pressed to find a more millennial thing than a woman who claims to not use social media actually be on a social media network, all while using the word “literally” to admit it.
No word yet on how she plans to share this column with her family and friends, as the screenshot she provided to Refinery29 proves that she doesn’t have any social media apps on her home screen which looks like the same home screen a 65-year-old man would have. Honestly, though, she probably won’t read this column in the first place considering her nose will be buried in the latest issue of The Economist. .