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Every single day online, you’ll see a column like I Drank 12 Glasses Of Water Every Day For A Week, And This Is What Happened. Writers and influencers (whatever that means) take minor accomplishments and portray them as if they’re changing the world, one glass of water at a time. But they’re not – they “torture” themselves (if you can even call it that) and go back to their normal lives pretending that they’re better off.
And this case is no different. Well, maybe a little different in the sense that she’s doing her incredibly noble and arduous task every day of her life without light at the end of the tunnel. The hill she’s dying on? Social media.
A piece on Refinery29 titled “How This 29-Year-Old Woman Lives Social Media-Free” and it’s exactly what you’d expect it to be. It tells the story of Alexis Bradshaw, a woman who reportedly has zero social media presence as she “steadfastly abstains.” She describes her seven-year departure from social media after only having Facebook for the four years she was in college. Humblebrag a little more that it only took you four years to finish college, Alexis.
Okay, before I call the kettle black, I must come clean. I, too, was once a social media abstainer. There was a six-month period where I refused to get on Facebook and claimed my life was better without it. But then I realized that my crusade to remain off Facebook made it sound like I had a Facebook problem, and I reactivated my account after admitting to myself that being Facebook-less was a pointless hill to die on. If someone wanted to get in touch with me, I wanted them to be able to get in touch with me. Simple as that.
But not Alexis. Nope. In her interview, she reveals that she’s a special case. She described her struggle to delete her Facebook account – “I deleted the account altogether, which is not the simplest thing. It goes on for 14 days in case you change your mind!” – and honestly, I don’t know how she did it. That must have been a trying time for her and her loved ones.
Alexis also gets into her reasoning for removing herself from Facebook, as well. And this is where it gets really, really good.
“I’ve always been told I’m like an old person. I just really have no interest — I have all these books I need to read. I try to read The Economist, Fortune, and Inc. every week. It’s a time thing. And unless you’re going to be an expert giving me an opinion on something, I don’t really want your opinion on it.”
Yes, her reasoning is that she wants to be able to read The Economist, Fortune, and Inc. every week, which is apparently something you can’t do if you’re on social media. Everyone knows that you have to make a decision in life – am I Facebook person, or am I a magazine person? Alexis made the brave choice of choosing paper over friend requests.
Up until about eight months ago, she had a BlackBerry before switching over to an iPhone. Her reasoning, again, seemed a bit off: “I use it mostly for reading The Economist. That’s my favorite reason I got the iPhone — all my newspapers I get on there, Reuters and everything like that. And I use it mostly for work, really. And the camera.”
Again, I’m confused as to why someone would have to delete their social media in order to read magazines and newspapers on their phone, but at least she gets a bolstered camera out of the gig. And fortunately for her boyfriend, her lack of an Instagram account means he doesn’t have to be your typical Instagram husband.
“No! Actually, it’s one of the reasons my boyfriend says he loves me — I never ask him to take pictures of me to post on something. One time, some girl was taking a picture of herself under an awning. I never have to do that; there’s nowhere for it to go.”
Man, what a lucky guy. Dude really hit the jackpot.
When confronted by the interviewer about whether or not she was missing out, she revealed that if there’s anything worthwhile to see on Instagram, one of her two younger sisters will simply show her. It sounds like a drug addict telling their loved ones, “It’s okay that I relapsed because I didn’t buy the drugs myself.”
In closing, she actually admits, “I do use LinkedIn, but that’s literally it.” And you’d be hard-pressed to find a more millennial thing than a woman who claims to not use social media actually be on a social media network, all while using the word “literally” to admit it.
No word yet on how she plans to share this column with her family and friends, as the screenshot she provided to Refinery29 proves that she doesn’t have any social media apps on her home screen which looks like the same home screen a 65-year-old man would have. Honestly, though, she probably won’t read this column in the first place considering her nose will be buried in the latest issue of The Economist. .
[via Refinery29]
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Will
Will (Twitter / Instagram) is the host of The Sunday Scaries Podcast.
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Man, I bet Alexis is fun at parties.
But I can easily read The Economist articles via Facebook for free……….
Ugh she reminds me of my old roommate who’s on her 3rd degree (extra ugh) and “doesn’t watch TV” but spends all her time streaming old episodes of The Big Bang Theory, which doesn’t count because “it’s not on a TV, it’s on her MacBook”..
Big. Bang. Theory. Not even something decent
This has to be mch29’s (or whatever his name is) wife.
I love this comment shaming. Dude is the worst
Admittedly, I don’t have cable, and for a time I didn’t have a tv, but when I tell people that, I also include, “but I stream things like a mofo” before they get the wrong idea.
Well since she doesn’t watch TV, how could she know about all those other options? Can’t blame a guy living on a deserted island for only eating fish…unless of course there was an endless buffet of everything in the world 20 feet away. But yeah, no, fish is fine.
How does she have 3 degrees? Big Bang theory is a show about smart people for dumb people.
99% of my social media posts are simply to amuse myself. Sometimes they amuse others, too. Who gives a fuck beyond that?
I think a lot of people give a fuck beyond that.
Read: not saying they should.
Well, they shouldn’t.
On the bright side, her husband doesn’t have to worry about her stalking his every move on social media so he can safely hit the like button on a ton of lady butt photos, retweet Ignorant political articles, and can keep in contact with old lovers and kids from the old neighborhood without getting questioned and subsequently stabbed for one small little Facebook like that crumbled the already fragile house of cards that is their boring relationship.
Yeah, and they’re also saving the resentment that is having to wait 25 minutes to eat your once steaming hot food in order to get the perfect ‘gramable picture of brunch. They’ll have to destroy their marriage the way my parents did and God intended: arguing about finances and having the slow realization that they’re the anchor around your neck that kept you from achieving your dreams.
If you get brunch but don’t Snapchat it or post about it on Facebook, did you actually eat it?
Also, the Economist sucks. Wall Street Journal or bust.
WSJ for business; Economist for international and opinion articles.
My political views align more with WSJ’s op-eds than with The Economist’s. But it’s still better than that dirt rag, the New York Times.
Most of the WSJ op-eds are garbage (Peggy Noonan especially). The NYT is still the gold standard for journalism this side of the Atlantic. I think we’re just going to have to agree to disagree.
The Economist just has a kind of misleading title. It’s a slightly more quantitative BBC, not a publication about economics or aimed at economists
Alexis seems like shes friends with the Von Trapp hipster couple.
How slow of a reader is she, if she has to delete social media to accomplish her reading goals? I’m on social media all the damn time and still manage to read 1-2 books a week. This chick needs to get it together.
Favorite hobbies include high horse riding and criticizing other people for being on their phones.
I bet her portfolio is a mess