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As she sat at brunch with Caroline, she couldn’t help but get an overlying feeling sadness and worthlessness after ordering her tossed salad and scrambled eggs. It wasn’t because she had blacked out the night before after swearing off drinking in January, and it wasn’t because she skipped her workouts all week in favor of sitting on the couch watching HBO Now. It was because Todd had decided to start volunteering with the Wounded Warrior Project, and she had nothing to do with her spare time on Sunday afternoons.
“It’s just like, what are we even doing here?” she asked Caroline. “I’m not doing anything to better the world, you know?”
Caroline, who was smirking at her phone, brought her head up and responded, “Sorry, what did you say?”
“It’s just like, remember when we’d do philanthropy events for Kappa?” she began. “We never do anything like that anymore.”
Nodding in agreement, Caroline attempted to get a word in while she kept talking about devastating it is that none of their friends do anything outside of their jobs and working out. But stopping her in the middle of her diatribe, Caroline expressed, “Well, like, that’s why I joined Junior League.”
“Oh yeah!” she responded. “What’s that all about again? My mom mentioned it to me but I totally forgot about it.”
Caroline, who had been a part of Junior League a year out of college in an effort to network within the city, considered herself to be the perfect advocate of everything the Junior League stood for.
“OMG, it’s so beneficial,” she started as the waiter put their entrees down and asked if they’d like another carafe of blood orange mimosas.
“Do you have to like vaccinate homeless people or cure AIDS or anything gross like that?” she asked as Caroline confirmed that they would, in fact, like another carafe of blood orange mimosas.
“Ew, no,” she shot back. “It’s like, sooo easy. Like, last week, I volunteered at a shelter and just played with puppies all day. It was, like, so therapeutic. You could even bring Sperry if you wanted.”
Continuing on, Caroline went on to explain every benefit of joining Junior League. Shocked at how she didn’t think of joining sooner, she sat with stars in her eyes as Caroline described all the volunteering she’s done over the past year.
“If you’re just looking to get involved, it’s just like a sorority but outside of college,” Caroline continued. “Instead of doing icky volunteering like picking up garbage on the highway with criminals, we get to host galas, work with kids, or at worst, you have to be a waitress for a bunch of retired stay at home moms that go to this club to socialize.”
“Ughhhh,” she said in between bites of her salad. “Caroliiiiiine. Can you help me sign up?”
“Uh, duh, what else are besties for? I’ll bring you to the meeting next week. It’s, like, the best. You have to dress up, which is totes fun, and they actually encourage you to drink wine and champagne.”
Smiling at everything Caroline had to say, she interrupted her and stated, “Volunteering sounds like the best thing I’ve ever done.”
“I know,” Caroline confirmed. “Don’t you already feel better about yourself?”
“Duh, and I bet this would look great on my résumé too,” she explained. “I’ve been thinking about quitting my job and going back to school, and this would be perfect for my grad school applications.”
“Oh, for sure,” Caroline said before receiving a text. “I just heard from Alex — they’re all drinking at Circle Bar on 9th Ave. Apparently there’s a Make-Your-Own Bloody Mary bar and everyone’s gonna get totes hammed.”
“Yassss, let’s go! I’ll text Todd. Sunday Funday!” .
Image via Shutterstock
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Will
Will (Twitter / Instagram) is the host of The Sunday Scaries Podcast.
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Todd’s already there, hammering Alex.
Todd’s probably already there hammering pitchers.
and Alex
Well, can you blame him?
A pint of a double IPA in his left hand and Alex’s leg in his right hand.
I want to read all about this girl getting rejected from grad school.
Now we know that Will is not Todd, because Will would be way too scared to volunteer on Sunday afternoons.
I get the feeling that it would actually be more charitable for her to stay away from these volunteer activities than her actually participating in them.
If she goes to grad school, can you still call this Things Girls Do After Graduation?
Someone literally just mentioned volunteering at the SPCA to me… this is all too real.
It’s like I’m inside your brain.
I also didnt make it very far into No Drink January.
I’ve been thinking about quitting my job and going back to school” – time to cut her off the Amex #georgelivesmatter
I probably should pick up some kind of volunteering though. . .