======= ======= ====== ====== ====== ===== ==== ====== ====== ===== ==== ======= ======= ====== ====== ====== ===== ==== ====== ====== ===== ====
After a deep breath and a long sip of her pour over, she rested her fingers on her laptop and stared deeply into the screen. One by one, she hand selected the recipients of her email. Caroline and Katie? Of course. Alex? Maybe.
At a recent yoga event hosted by a local studio, she had mingled with a few influencers who eventually gave her the much-coveted follow-back on Instagram. She had each of their cards sitting out on her desk and debated the benefits of including them this preliminary email for their spring yoga retreat.
“Just do it,” she told herself. “Nobody can steal your peace.” She included them in the ‘bcc’ address bar so none of her friends would feel her embarrassment should they not reply. And then she began.
Hey Ladieeeeeeees,
Sooooooo, you may or may not have heard that Caroline and I were in talks to do something we’ve been wanting to do for a v long time – a yoga retreat!
A yoga retreat is something I’ve dreamt of doing since my very first class at Free. Spiritually, I think we could all benefit from this and it’s the perfect opportunity to go while all the boys are at The Kentucky Derby again this year. While the cats are away, the mice will play – am I right?
I told C that I’d do some preliminary research on the best places to do a retreat. While I’ve found some in Bali, Mexico (Cabo anyone? Hahaha, jk. Well, kind of), and Thailand, I totes get that it’s a little unreasonable for us to pack up our bags for a long weekend and show up jet-lagged to something like this. It’s all about peace of mind and wellness, after all.
After talking to my friend who did a retreat with Gwyneth Paltrow a few years back, she recommended the Esalen Institute in Big Sur. I know it’s a long flight, but it’s also the place where Mad Men taped their final scene so, like, yeah, kind of a big deal.
I read that they’ve had guests like Ansel Adams (easily my fave photog), Bob Dylan (love), and Joan Baez (nbd). I mean, we may have to be chill just in case we run into any celebs out there. Tbh, yoga retreats are the new rehab.
They specialize in yoga, meditation, and organic food (yummm!) and everything is included in the price. So the price breakdown is as follows: $650 if you do a sleeping bag (ew), $985 for a bunk bed (ew), $1,975 for a standard room, and $3,385 for a private point house. TBH, the point house looks super lux so if anyone is down to splitsies on it, you know I am too. I’m totes down to pay more of the share if anyone has any issues trying to pay for it. You can also book your own accommodations off-site, but we didn’t go there to not be with each other so that’s out of the question.
There’s a shuttle service that runs from the San Francisco Airport, but I thought it could be fun if we flew in a night early and rented a place in the Marina for a girls night out. I have hella restaurant recs from when I interned out there junior year, so I can plan that too if need be. I’m not saying The Tipsy Pig’s back patio is the perfect rosé sitch, but The Tipsy Pig’s back patio is the perfect rosé sitch.
Caroline, I know you’re already in for this. Katie, I told Caroline that I think this would be everything for your new yoga journey Insta account. I could even probably connect you with some people who could help guide you when it comes to getting more exposure and followers (not that it’s about that, obvs).
Not to sound super OCD, but I already checked flights based around your schedules and they’re all supes reasonable. And at the risk of sounding Heidi Klum-y, you’re either in or you’re out. LMK and we can make. this. happen!!!
She reviewed the email several times before sending it while she installed a Google Mail App that would allow her to see who had opened the email. With her breath held and her now-lukewarm coffee still resting next to her, she took her right index finger and took the leap.
*send* .
Respond
Will
Will (Twitter / Instagram) is the host of The Sunday Scaries Podcast.
@willdefries
@willdefries
defriewf
will@grandex.co
ADAMS. DYLAN. BAEZ. PALTROW
Name drops
Drop top
Girl that expensive you should stop
Am I the only one who couldn’t afford a yoga retreat for $2K?
Am I the only one who can’t really afford any sort of retreat for $2K?
Am I the only one who wouldn’t do a yoga retreat at all? Even if it’s free?
You wouldn’t watch?
There there buddy. Just relax knowing that you can bang Claire in a few weeks and bring this whole nightmare to an end.
I’m sure you’re not the only one who would rather spend $2k on any other trip than a yoga trip. Yoga treat= no booze
And who’s going to be watching Sperry when they’re gone??
Subtle jab at Katie’s lack of Instagram followers. Girl is savage.
She’s very good at what she does, but what she does isn’t very nice.
As the planner in my friend group for trips I found myself hiding my face while I read this. I’m not this ridiculous but… I’m the over planner. Fuck. I’ll just close my office door and reevaluate my life now.
Office door? Respect.
I mostly over plan my friend group’s trips to find ways to cut costs. Clearly Girl should’ve made maps if she had any work ethic
Must be a career field trait. I am in transportation planning so it is literally my job to plan. It’s impossible to turn that mindset off.
Willing to help others pay for the trip when she herself doesn’t work
Excuse you, she works like twice at a week at lulu, obvi.
She’s just so selfless.
She is basically Mother Teresa but she hates poors
it’s not that we want Claire, but we all Need Claire at this point.
Picking up my derby hat later today
The hero Todd needs, but definitely not the one he deserves.
At this point I almost want Todd to suffer. Everyone makes the occasional bad choice but he’s in too deep now, leave the Claire’s of the world free from chaining themselves to the Todd’s of the world.
If there’s a just and loving God/deFries, we’ll find out that Claire and Spencer are together at the derby, they’ll get married, and Todd will spend his life in a perpetual hellscape while watching his friend live the idyllic life with one of his really good friends.
So there’s an app to see if people open the email?
There’s a multitude of apps that do that.
They’re great and terrible at the same time lol
Boys retreat would be as follows: 2 rounds @ ~$200 greens fees, 2 nights lodging @ ~200 bucks. Done
You forgot the booze.
Of course, amongst other things as well. I just pay for those in cash ya know?
I would dare Girl to name 5 Bob Dylan songs. I double-dog dare her.
I know we’re all about equality and what not but goddamn Todd needs to put her in her place if she books that point house on his CC. Can’t let that shit fly, no way.
“Todd, it’s like you WANT me to not find inner peace and clarity while you’re off doing horse stuff at the Derby! Is that what you want, TODD?” That’s how that conversation would end.
Todd’s rebuttal: “Remember how a few weeks ago you got your part-time job at Lulu because you said you wanted to pick up a job to pay for certain things I wasn’t willing to? Well, this is one of things. Find nirvana on your own dime.”
“But, Toooodddddd, its not like you can put a price on enlightenment.”
False.
In no universe would that be Todd’s rebuttal. His inner-monologue perhaps……
I hope to God Todd would actually say that out loud to her but, as we all know….he wouldn’t. Or he would and would instantly regret it.
Totally read this comment in JLD’s voice from Christmas Vacation…
“And why is the carpet wet, TODD?”
“I don’t KNOW, MARGO!”
this is going on daddy’s credit card. totally different ledger for leaching off of other people’s hard work.
If my (non-existent) girlfriend booked something like this on my CC I’m 100% disputing the charge.
Pretty sure I would say she stole my identity. Fuck all of this noise and LOCK HER UP
Some needs to have a guys being dudes moment with their father soon.