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Subject: It’s muh birthday!
February 5, 2018
To: Caroline, Katie, Alex, Victoria, Megan
Heyyyyyyyyy Ladies!
I know it’s Monday and everyone’s still hungover from the weekend shenanigans and Super Bowl (seriously, SO fun, thanks to Alex for hosting all of us), but I wanted to get this Saturday’s plan on everyone’s radar!
So as you know, Todd helped me plan a PaRtY BuS this year that will take us on a little something I like to call a “brunch crawl!” I know, I know, I couldn’t be more basic if I tried. Hahahaha.
Tbh, I didn’t want to do just another group dinner where we all just sit around and barely talk to the other people at the other side of the table, so we booked this bomb bus to take us to four different restaurants and wine bars around the city. It’s for 12 total people so everyone can bring their S/O — Megan, I’ll talk to you separately about who you can bring 🙁
Okay, so the schedule looks something like this:
10:30 a.m.
The bus will be parked outside of our apartment so everyone be there right on time. It’s a BYOB sitch so if you want to bring champs, you’re more than welcome to.
11:00 a.m.
We arrive at Bottle & Brown. I figured we’d start with some heavier food so we can all get a base and not be hamskied early af (looking at you Alex! hahahaha). I called ahead to see if they’d do a prix fixe menu but they wouldn’t do anything but set up some tables for us in the back where we can all split some meat and cheese boards before heading to the next spot.
P.S. Todd said he’d put everything on his card and send out Venmos afterward and everyone can pay him directly.
12:15 p.m.
The bus will pick us back up between 12:15 and 12:30 so we just need to be outside waiting. It’s going to take us to this German-style beer garden (don’t worry, ladies, they do bottomless mimos from 10-4 every Saturday) called Braunschweigers where I figure we can let the boys drink beer for a bit.
They don’t do rezzies here but with football being over it should be a lot slower than normal. Todd and John actually know the owner so I bet he will hook us up with some drink specials if we wanted to do something besides beer or champers.
1:45 p.m.
Okay so between 1:45 and 2, they’re going to pick us back up and take us to Cork & Thyme. It was named to Eater’s best new restaurants in the city for this month and honestly it’s what I’m looking forward to the most.
Apparently, the owner also owns a vineyard in Napa and they ship all the wine in directly from there so they do a bunch of wine flights and tastings. Tbh, part of the reason we’re going here is because my parents are throwing us an engagement party here next month (save the date!!) and I wanted to scope the scene.
This will probably be the most expensive place we go to on Saturday but we’ll probably be schwasted when we get there because of the two other places before so maybe we’ll save on drinks. They do brick oven breakfast pizzas on the weekend so prepare. for. carbz. Victoria, I know you just got done doing Whole 30 so this’ll be right up your alley / hopefully doesn’t make you sick.
From their menu, it looks like they have BOMB coffee drinks for anyone who feels tired. I read that they imported their espresso machine from Italy so you know it’s legit.
3:30 p.m.
Honestly, I hope everyone’s just alive at this point. Hahahaha jk jk. Kinda.
For our final stop of #BrunchCrawl2k18 (that’s not actually a sanctioned hashtag but I’m taking suggestions) we’re going to Seaboard Oyster Co. to top it all of with – duh – oysters and champagne. They have a back room with a wine cellar that they keep reserved for big parties so Todd already called ahead. They probs wouldn’t want us in the middle of the restaurant anyway after how we start our day…
This will be the last stop for the bus so we have to 1. make sure we tip the driver before we get off 2. bring all our stuff with us (jackets, bags, etc. etc. and so on), and 3. Ubes if we want to go anywhere else.
LUCKILY, they do happy hour from 4 to 6 every day (including Saturdays) which means we get half off bottles of wine/champagne and $1 oysties. I’m like pretty sure they’re going to lose money on us hahahhaha.
OKAY. If you have any questions, you can just ask me or Todd. Todd should’ve already talked to all the guys about going but it would be #typical if he hasn’t even mentioned it yet.
I’ll probs just be wearing jeans, ankle boots, and the leather jacket I got for Christmas. Super casual and I’ll probably unbutton my jeans halfway through because I’ll be a freaking whale after eating so much.
Whew, sorry I wrote so much! Just wanted to make sure we’re all on the same page ahead of tHe BiG DaY.
Love you, mean it. .
Respond
Will
Will (Twitter / Instagram) is the host of The Sunday Scaries Podcast.
@willdefries
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I like how she totally threw Meghan under the PaRtY BuS
Then backed it right up over Alex
Cool. I’ll just be left inside all day peeing all over the place because you forgot about me. I hope you choke on an oyskie.
Just throwing this out there…. 10/10 Girl probably spends money on doggie daycare for you sperry. If not she really is a monster!
They should book Sperry a walker with Wag promo code Jacob79050
Poor Sperry. (gives hims some ear scritches and belly rubs and a snoot boop for good measure.)
Dude….I’m a girl.
Sorry!
What in God’s name is a snoot boop, Dave?
When you touch a puppers snoot!
Ah, thanks for the clarification.
This is definitely Ruff trolling
Yeah, no
“P.S. Todd said he’d put everything on his card and send out Venmos afterward and everyone can pay him directly.”
Todd is going to be swimming in credit card points.
Also, brilliant move on Girl’s part to make Todd put everything on his credit card because he’ll definitely send Venmo requests to everyone but her so she gets to do this whole thing for free.
Generally whenever we do something for someone’s birthday we all cover it. I’d guess her part would be like $200 for this day, maybe (depending on the bus/ how expensive that most expensive place is). $20 bucks a pop isn’t a lot when it gets paid forward.
This is the most logical comment I’ve ever seen in TGDAG history.
So we’re talking $400 per couple for a birthday brunch crawl? That’s a week’s worth of daycare (and yes, I now measure everything in “daycare dollars”).
Yeah. I’d say an average bar crawl with food mixed in is $100-$150. Add a party bus to that at $500-$1000 for the day, and we’re on budget. Knowing that’s how much daycare cost makes me want to throw up.
I would bet good money that this is also a cryptocurrency created by some disgruntled parent.
Well…looks like I’m going to be single by choice from here on out
You expect logical comments on a story about the most illogically frustrating fictional character ever written?
I was going to say the same thing. Smart for Todd to load up on CC points.
People forget that girls are stereo-typically cheap. The credit card points will not outweigh what he is still owed.
Someone’s not woke.
If you think Girl’s friends are fiscally responsible, I’ve got ocean-front property in Arizona to sell you.
Trump was out last week for TGDAG due to being too busy WINNING for the American people after my historic #SOTU address. No Apologies! Thank you for all of the nice compliments and reviews on the speech. 45.6 million people watched, the highest number in history. Delivered from the heart!…Now Girl is acting very sneaky planning her birthday bar crawl thinking she can get away for FREE and help Todd get all the #Points while insulting all her friends in the email – very dishonest behavior. John will see right through the scheme. Just like Trump sees right through Little Adam Schiff who is desperate to run for high office and is one of the biggest liars and leakers in Washington, right up there with Comey, Warner, Brennan and Clapper!…Tiny Adam leaves closed committee hearings to illegally leak confidential information. Him and Girl must be stopped! Because she is planning this party bus with reckless abandon. Hoping to get everyone drunk and pour champagne faster than illegal aliens (and massive inflow of drugs) are pouring over are southern borders from chain migration and the outdated visa lottery. This type of plan could hurt the security of the entire group!…At least Todd has enough money to pay of all of Girl’s expenses thanks to the historic TAX CUTS that I signed into law, your paychecks are going way UP, your taxes are going way DOWN, and America is once again OPEN FOR BUSINESS!
*our
Little Wes feels the need to spell check you’re President in the comments. A great homer.
A great homer indeed
“Megan, I’ll talk to you separately about who you can bring” Girl, this fucking bitch, you cannot call that out in an email to a lot of people.. I am fucking raging right now
Did I miss something about Megan’s SO…? What’s the deal with that?
No clue tbh, but regardless you can’t say that in a message with a bunch of people!
If I remember right, which there’s a high chance I’m wrong, Megan brought Girl’s ex to the last birthday dinner or something like that.
I believe that was Alex that brought the ex, Megan just might be *gasp* single
My bet’s on Megan being a lesbian.
I completely forgot that Megan and Victoria even exist.
Small chance they make it past the first meat and cheese board without a fight and streaming mascara. Also, RIP Todd’s credit card.
naaaa… this crew is way too passive-aggressive for that kind of action.
I’d rather drink bleach then step on that bus.
I’d rather have the bus run over me than step on that bus
Man, those tire marks on your back would look just like CHAR marks from a grill
*than
Maybe he does want to get on the bus but just wants to do it after drinking bleach. I’ll give Cube the benefit of the doubt
New cutting edge supplement called MMS. Get 10% off when you use code thicc.
Todd definitely hasn’t talked to the guys about the bus yet. Most likely just group messaged the night before.
Scoring points on the CC and sending Venmo request later is all fun and games until you have trash friends that don’t pay right away and you’re stuck with the statement at the end of the month. Surprised such a bitch boy like Todd would go with such a high risk plan.
This is EXACTLY how I read it.
His boys will definitely pay him, besides everyone but Megan is bring a boyfriend who’s taking care of the bills. Megan is the wild card here
She’s planned more for this birthday than I have for all of mine combined
Obviously I’m not surprised that Girl plans her own party, but I high key cannot stand when people make extravagant plans for their own birthday. If your friends or SO want to plan something, they’ll plan something. Otherwise just go out to dinner then go out and get drunk like a normal person.
I’m turning 30 this year, and I would probably get anxiety if my gf had something this elaborate set up for me. Regardless if it was going on my CC or not.