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I don’t hate New Year’s Eve, despite my claim that your New Year’s Eve will probably suck. But I do believe New Year’s Eve is all of the above: overly expensive, overrated, and much too hyped.
Out of every great New Year’s Eve I’ve ever had, there are two or three New Year’s Eves bookending it that definitely sucked and/or didn’t get close to the expectations all the girls we were with set out for the night. And yes, there were even some horror stories.
Our Reddit page was populated with said horror stories, and these are the worst of the worst.
Friends from Kentucky brought Everclear to put in our punch at a rented condo at a ski area. Before the ball dropped, there were red stains all over the carpet from said Everclear punch coming out of people’s mouths in the form of throw-up because it turns out that 17 to 19-year-olds can’t handle their Everclear in fruit punch form.
The above story was actually mine. Fun night? Without a doubt. Would I have wanted to be the person with their name on the rental who probably didn’t get their deposit back? Nah.
NYE Freshman year of college and I’m back home for a few weeks from school out of state. At a house party and jump on a grenade for a buddy because he’s trying to hook up with the more attractive friend. Grenade does what grenades do, and sloppily falls onto a glass coffee table at someone’s parents’ house thus shattering the table and waking the parents who come down and kick us all out. I’m too drunk to drive so sleep in my car in front of their house. It was maybe 15 degrees that night.
NYE Sophomore year: College friends decide to meet back up and get a mountain house for a ski weekend. Everything is going great until the girl I have a crush on meets a local bartender and fucks him the whole weekend while I down bourbon, watch football, and tell any and all who will listen that I have a thing for the crush who I happened to carpool with on a 5 hr drive from the airport to ski town. Ride back to school was not fun.
Any time you’re mixing girls, copious amounts of alcohol, underage kids, cold weather, and high expectations, you’re asking for it. But mad respect for acting as the grenade on a night as massive as New Year’s Eve. That’s what friends are for.
i had been dating a guy for about 6 months. the girlfriend before me had cheated on him not too long before we started dating (we dated for 4 years so I can at least say it didn’t end up being a rebound).
we were 20 so one of the rich parents in the Northern Virginia area rented out a hotel ballroom for us with an open bar. i didn’t know anyone except him. his ex showed up, with the guy she cheated with, and he proceeded to pound whiskey which actually made him more awkward. since apparently everyone there was trash, a couple kids from a “rival high school” showed up and fights broke out and they closed the party down before midnight. i was completely sober. we go to our hotel room and guess who we hear moaning in the room next to us, kid you not. our room was right next to hers. how do i know it was her? he was yelling through the wall for her to shut up.
Tbh, that sounds like a pretty rawkus night outside of the fact that you were completely sober. Never opposed to throwing some fists in the middle of a ballroom in Northern Virginia.
NYE 2012 in Santa Barbara. I got jumped by several large, coked out, drug dealers. They were upset because I punched one of their friends who had tried to forcefully make out with my girlfriend in front of me. The next night we drove up to dinner at her parents house while I sported a very visible black eye.
I don’t know, man. You should’ve probably just let the coked out drug dealers make out with your girlfriend kind of like how the dude in Chappelle Show‘s “Mad Real World” skit had to let everyone hook up with his girlfriend, Katie. There are certain people I don’t mess with, and those people are almost certainly “large coked out drug dealers.”
Took an ex girlfriend to a family party before going out, my little cousin flew his new toy helicopter into her hair and it got tangled and stuck to her head. We did not go out after and she never came to a family function again.
Amazing how one little helicoptor ride could derail a girl’s night. But she probably spent about two hours getting done up while listening to Top 40 hits so I’d be pissed if I were her too.
NYE 2014 – I had broken up with my boyfriend of 3 years a month prior and was looking to have a fun night. Two friends (a couple) and I bought tickets to an open bar party and got a hotel for the night. I bought a great dress and was ready to enjoy my night. We head out and I hit the bar hard. It’s 10:30 and my tolerance was shit because said ex never wanted to go out partying so we sat at home like old people.
I’m determined to find someone to make out with at midnight. Flash forward to 11:55, haven’t seen my friends for an hour, haven’t been able to successfully chat anyone up, and I’m one drink away from blacking out. The countdown starts and I’m standing alone with no one to kiss. Fuck it, I get another drink.
The next thing I remember I’m in the hotel room and missing one of my favorite shoes. My friends said they found me trying to get into the wrong room and no shoes on. I never found that shoe again and I have no idea what I did after midnight. I did however have my phone, id, and credit cards.
Any time your story starts with breaking up with someone and having a “fun” night out, you know it’s going to lead with you getting blackout drunk and remembering nothing. It’s like a “girl’s night” – they always end the same way. With all the girls texting guys to “meet up” because they get sick of the gossip / each other.
My buddy invited me to his new girlfriend’s house for a party. I had never met my buddy’s girlfriend before, but it turned out to be a family party and said family was super evangelical and didn’t drink. I came late to the party because my girlfriend at the time was in a painfully basic NYE wedding. We’d got pretty drunk at the reception, and I received one “You need Jesus” conversation and judgmental stares the rest of the night when we finally rolled up to the house party.
I guess being blackout is better than being sober?
My girlfriend dropped me like a pile of bricks 3 days before. I debated staying in but my friends dragged me out and I got shit faced. Called her at midnight she did not answer. I left at 12:05 AM pre-uber era and I didn’t hail a cab I shit you not until 2:45 AM. It was 10 degrees outside, snowing and there was no re-entry to the club.
Probably just should’ve sat that one out, man. As someone who lived most of his 20s without Uber, I pretty much refused to go anywhere without a solidified ride ahead of time.
I was in Milwaukee for a Skrillex concert one NYE during college. It was pre-uber. After the concert, my brother, my ex-girlfriend and I sat in a Chase bank entrance (where the ATM is) for 2 hours while waiting on a cab back to the hotel. Turns out Milwaukee cabs do not accept “hailed” rides and every cab company had over a 2 hour wait for a cab. A 10x surge would’ve been better alternative.
Honestly, that’s just what you get for going to a Skrillex concert on NYE in Milwaukee.
Sophomore year of college. Played “Edward-Andre hands”. Poor choice. Buddy sprayed and entire bottle of Andre onto my apartment ceiling, I fell down my steps and later puked into my closet.
And this is why you don’t play Edward Andre Hands. .
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Will
Will (Twitter / Instagram) is the host of The Sunday Scaries Podcast.
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Six years later and I am still regretting our “Edward- Andre hands” endeavor
Watched a few of my buddies in college do Edward Loko-Hands. And by ‘watched’ I mean it was done at my persuasion, while I observed with beer in hand, because I’m an awful person. That wasn’t pretty.
That is giving me flashbacks
Victim of this idea myself. Still can’t drink Andre
Have done it a few times, pro-tip: take a gulp from each and then add OJ, Andre goes down way easier in mamosa flavor.
What’s a mamosa?
I don’t know, I was going a different direction originally with a manmosa and shit just got all fucked up man.
I should have added the girl I had a crush on refused to go back to the bartender’s place because stranger danger, so she invited him to our condo thereby giving me the opportunity to hear them consummate the relationship at 4:00 am in the room next to mine.
We won’t congratulate him on the sex, just for you, Rico.
This might be the nicest thing an internet stranger had ever said. Thanks Cube.
That hurts man, not like jumping on a bike without a seat, but painful anyhow.
How the hell did we ever function without Uber?
Whoever wrote the first one, know that I want to punch you in the face. Just fucking get to the point.