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“You’re either at a wedding or a golf tournament,” I was told recently when I expressed I had a weekend off to do whatever I pleased. And they were right. I’m at that point in my life where everyone is either getting married, having kids, blacking out at bars, or a combination of all of the above. But when you put things into perspective, weddings aren’t as much of a beating as everyone makes them out to be. You’re surrounded by friends, you know you’ll stack some Instagram likes in a suit or dress, and it’s better than going to the same bar that you go to weekend after weekend after weekend.
Unfortunately, Vogue took issue with some of the less desirable occurrences you’ll run into at weddings. They titled this, The Biggest Wedding Guest Complaints — 6 Mistakes to Avoid, and I’m pretty sure you can make any mistake you want when you’re throwing a $30,000 party for your friends to attend with no frills attached.
Bad Food
This is probably the most crucial part of making sure the wedding guests are happy during the reception. Even the quickest ceremonies can seem endless for those you’ve invited, and if you aren’t offering anything to nosh on during cocktail hour, then you better make sure to provide a full meal that’s not only nourishing but delicious, too.
This isn’t a soup kitchen – it’s your friend’s fucking wedding. Last time I checked, I wasn’t showing up for a free hot meal because that meal isn’t actually free. My shirt and suit aren’t going to press themselves and the blender I’m getting you off of your registry is way more expensive than the pre-made soup and salad I would’ve had for dinner otherwise. You could serve me a Hot Pocket topped with Pace salsa and I’d probably be satisfied as long as it soaks up the champagne.
A Long Wait Between Ceremony and Reception
In many cases, having to space out the ceremony and reception if they’re located in two different place is just one of the unfortunate parts of venue scheduling and availability. However, if you do end up with two or more hours in between, it’s best to not just leave your guests hanging and organize a gathering at a nearby bar or restaurant (guests can pay for their own food or drink here, but it’s just nice for them to have a single place to hang out while they wait).
When you’re already dressed to the nines and well-knowing that you’re going to leave the reception with blurred vision, does it really matter how long you have to wait? Between the cocktail hour bleeding into that awkward period when the wedding party is taking photos in the middle of a field thirty miles south of the reception, I’ve pretty much learned to throw any semblance of a timetable out the window. You’re not going to see me boohooing when all I’ve got in my pocket is a pair of shades and an AmEx card considering the rest of my night will be completely paid for outside of the Uber home where I’ll inevitably get three stars for falling asleep.
Cash Bar
Yes, there are budgets and overspending to worry about when planning your wedding, but if you’re going to splurge on anything, it should be the drinks. You’ve asked your guests to attend your wedding, they’ve given you a gift, and for that they should be able to enjoy the evening without paying for a cocktail or glass of wine.
I couldn’t agree more that an open bar is essential for ensuring your guests don’t side text each other asking, “You want to get out of here?” But asserting that your guests deserve free drinks because they showed up with a gift is a little ridiculous. I’d rather have a flask in my pocket with a killer wedding band than be sipping bottom-shelf scotch all night that’ll definitely make me want to blow my brains out the next day. If I’m not at your wedding, I’ll likely be running up a tab regardless so I might as well do it looking like James Bond surrounded by a bunch of people who actually expect me to get hammered rather than a crew of bouncers who threaten to cut me off.
Too Many Speeches
Family and friends giving toasts can be an amazing, heartwarming thing, but they can also be downright unbearable. Keep the speeches to the immediate family and bridal party—no guest wants to sit through your second cousin’s recount of a crazy drunken night you two spent together in college. It’s just painful.
Speeches are largely entertaining. The issue lies in when they happen. If speeches are meant to only be made by immediate family and bridal party, then they need to occur at the rehearsal dinner where everyone knows each other. But if I was barely invited to the wedding in the first place, the last thing I want to do is sit there and listen to the third bridesmaid once removed spout off about their friendship while her lips are covered in red wine. Just get that out of the way before the big day and we good.
Making the Guests Wait
If the bride or groom is late to the ceremony, it’s rude to make your guests wait around for things to get started. This is a major turnoff, especially if it’s an outdoor wedding and the weather isn’t perfect.
How late is fucking late, though? Who shows up more than ten minutes late to their own ceremony? Pretty sure that if there’s a major issue going down behind the scenes, I shouldn’t be sitting there checking my watch while groaning in disgust. I should probably be worried about the health and wellbeing of my friend’s relationship. I’ve already blocked off the entire day for the wedding anyway, so as long as I’m carrying a buzz and promised a dance floor, I’m cool as a cucumber.
Unassigned Seats at Dinner
During the planning process, take the time to create a thoughtful seating chart for dinner. There’s nothing worse than a guest having to sit among people they’ve never met before, or getting to their assigned table and finding that there’s no room.
Are we six years old or are we watching our friends take the biggest step they’ll ever take in their lives? I’m old enough to where I don’t need to be told where to sit, and the benefits of having a loose seating chart outweigh the cons. Having a free-flowing seating situation is like boarding a Southwest flight – if you’re vigilant and aggressive, you can get the best seat and enjoy the three hours that follow. Meanwhile, if I don’t have to be tied to a seat with my name on it, it just makes working the room that much easier. Let the cattle roam and good things will follow.
Now where’s the bar? I need to find out if this thing is cash or not. .
[via Vogue]
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Will
Will (Twitter / Instagram) is the host of The Sunday Scaries Podcast.
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Assigning a table rather than a specific seat is definitely the way to go. If you have a cash bar, you suck.
I’m in the camp of having no assignments at all. Might be psycho, but when I think loose eating situations make for a more fun and spontaneous reception.
The last wedding I attended didn’t have assigned seats/tables. The marriage ended a year later. Coincidence?
If you have to pick a meal beforehand, there should be an assigned table/seat.
That’s why buffet makes most sense. Always.
I was at a wedding this weekend and all I could think about was how awesome a taco bar would be. Better yet, multiple buffet stations with different food types.
Buffets can be really hit or miss. I’ve been at weddings where it was seamless, but I’ve also been at some where if you’re at one of the last tables released to the line, you’re stuck with whatever is left.
The fiancee and I are currently in the process of planning our wedding. Her parents are divorced and it will be the first time that her two sides of the family will be together at the same event in years. Assigned seats are an absolute necessity. Can’t have any murders on our wedding night.
I’m in the same boat Will. Let the people sit wherever the hell they wanna sit.
We did live band, open bar, buffet, no assigned seats and all speeches occurred at the rehearsal dinner except for my FIL thanking everyone for coming. Eat when you want, drink what you want, dance, go home. It’s a pretty simple formula.
There it is. That’s how you do it.
Can you talk to my fiancée for me? I don’t think my friends are going to enjoy the quiet cocktail time before we get to the reception and I really don’t think my grandma is going to enjoy my buddy telling everyone how he went in raw on some girl the night before at the dinner table.
If you want to have a happy marriage and an at least decent relationship with the MIL you’ll let them do whatever the hell they want. I helped pick the band and menu, my FIL insisted on completely open bar (people were even drinking pina coladas and shit) and the venue thankfully worked well for a buffet because I hate nothing more than trying to serve 200 people a multi-course meal all at the same time. Table One is ready to dance by the time Table 22 is halfway through their salad.
I graduated 6 years ago and I’m about to receive my first “save the date” in the mail. Looking forward to seeing what this wedding hype is about.
Massive hangovers, new crippling debt, and usually a hell of a time
Can’t thank my friends enough for open bars. Just went to my 5th wedding this year and I’ve spent enough money on Holiday Inns that they offered me ownership stake. Saving money on bar tabs has saved my ass.
Open Bar or Bust.
Best wedding I attended had a buffet, open seating, beer/wine bar, live band, and multiple older gentlemen brought their own bottle of liquor.
The long wait between ceremony and reception suuuuuuuucks. Fortunately it seems like most my friends have done the wedding in one venue (which is totally the move).
As someone who is planning a wedding, glad to know I’m not insane for not wanting assigned seats outside of immediate family and wedding party.
I don’t want to deal with who doesn’t like who and whatnot. we’re all adults, they can find a seat on their own
I don’t understand why people hate on the long break between the ceremony and reception. If the bar is open (which it should be) just get a head-start on the wedding party’s drinking and get sloshed before dinner.
If there’s a cocktail timeslot, that’s one thing. When it’s 3+ hours with absolutely nothing scheduled in between other than going back to your hotel to chill/change, it’s awkward.
Correct. A cocktail hour is boss tits. But anything more than that is a pain. I imagine most people that live in or near a major city have dealt with the ceremony in a cool, old, city church, then having a 2+ hour gap until the reception at a hall in the suburbs.
Have the whole thing at one venue….
If everyone being able to get shitfaced at the reception is important to you, having the ceremony in a church shouldn’t be.
If it’s in the middle of football season, have a tv near the bar so people can catch up with the game when the grab another drink.
Assigned seating inevitably leads to girls being pissed bc “why did susie and her date get to sit at the table with Sarah and John, but I’m over here with Cassie and her fuckboy Chad”
Don’t have the wedding at a place 45 miles from the nearest hotel or any semblance of a place to sleep, in an area that doesn’t have uber service, or even a damn cab. “Hey friends, come get hammered and drive home, or come be sober at our wedding”
If there isn’t a shuttle from the hotel to the venue, there’s a good chance I’m not fucking with your wedding.
Also, I’ve been to weddings where the couple was married by a pastor or priest where it was all still one venue. It’s possible to be wed in the eyes of the lord and will let your friends be heathens.