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I’m not going to lie, I don’t have a ton of girlfriends. I’m not one of those girls who pulls the whole, “I don’t hang out with girls because they’re bitches” card because in my experience, those girls are the bitches. I just have always surrounded myself with a couple of close girl friends, a gaggle of gay men, and then my best guy friends. That’s the way this cookie has crumbled.
More and more though I’ve been spending some time around girls who are in relationships, or attempting to be, and I’m just so fascinated and also confused. Why do you feel the need to give someone a pet name? Just call them by their name, I dunno. Why are there designated couples nights? That makes those of us sans-couple feel like lone little lepers, just FYI. And he’s not texting you back because he doesn’t want to, duh. So stop overanalyzing and go eat something.
But the number one thing so many girls do, relationship-wise, that I am simultaneously baffled and embarrassed by, is when they try and force the mythical creature that is: “The One.”
Seriously. Is it because we all grew up in the Disney Renaissance that we are so obsessed with the idea of soulmates? When Belle sang in that awesome pink cape about The Beast changing into someone (Someone? Something? Is that how you refer to basic beastiality?) she could picture herself with, were we all just ruined for the rest of our lives to think that there’s one PERFECT person, or minotaur-hybrid, for everyone?
What is the obsession with “The One?” I used to think it was just a blanket statement that girls make but don’t actually mean, like “literally” or “basically vegan.” But then I started hearing my friends say things like, “He took me out for brunch after just two weeks so I think that means he’s the one.” Or, “We’re getting really excited for the holidays that are coming up,” and you’d think they’ve meshed into one, two-headed being that’s really stoked about ABC Family marathons of The Grinch and wearing his and her sweaters from The Gap. Suddenly, it wasn’t just an exaggeration, it was very clearly a goal.
Somewhere along the line, finding your “one” became something to strive for, a box to check off. And I don’t really know why.
Maybe it was growing up with our faces pressed to the TV screen watching Ariel fall for Prince Eric, maybe it’s the whispers of our last fuckable day approaching, or maybe it’s something as simple as not wanting to have to go to the final Hunger Games stag. But whatever the reason that we’re clawing to get that person to be believably “The One” may be, we owe them a favor and need to just knock it the hell off.
I’m not even totally sure what “The One” is supposed to be, to be quite honest. Sure, I’ve heard of soulmates. I’m a white lady with access to Nicholas Sparks, come on. But is the idea of one person out there for us really that romantic? And really, if you sit down and take off your rom-com rose-tinted glasses, is it even realistic?
I’m all for falling in love, don’t get me wrong. Been there, it was awesome. But what I’m not for is putting unrealistic, idealistic expectations onto another person because you were so busy getting wrapped up in an idea based around beautifully calligraphy written quotes about love that you forgot the other person was just that: a person. They are not an idea, they are a human being. And human beings aren’t perfect. They can’t be expected to always know what you’re thinking, or predict what you want for your birthday, or be able to provide you with everything you need physically and emotionally 100 percent of the time. They aren’t going to run around an animated library with you to an Alan Menken score, and they aren’t going to build you a house or write you a letter every day because they have jobs and lives.
Face it: “The One” isn’t real life.
What is real life is finding a partner. And a partner, is not something you have to force. A partner is not something you project a fantasy on; it is someone you appreciate because you are lucky enough to have them. “The One” is for little girls to dream about so they don’t grow up cynical, they grow up with hope. A partner is for grow ups who have bills to pay but would still like a high five and and an ass grab after they press “send” on said internet and cable payment.
So ladies, take a chill pill. Stop trying to make “The One” happen and just focus on meeting real people and making real connections. Yeah, we all fell for the perfectly proportioned Disney princes of the nineties, but let’s face it, we wouldn’t want to end up with someone like them anyway.
I mean come on, do you really think any of them went down on the princesses? …That’s what I thought. .
Image via Shutterstock
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Kendra Syrdal
Once in college John Cusack asked Kendra to sing for him. She said no. Visit her website to ogle at her face and send hate mail // kendrasyrdal.com
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Brian was the one for us
Don’t blame Prince Eric…how’s he supposed to go down on a mermaid?
Morpheus believes he is The One.
Live look at D-Man swerving all the haters:
In this Gif DeFries accompanies a witty one liner with a scene featuring Keanu Reeves from the first Matrix. In the gif you see Keanu tapping into his new powers as he fulfills the prophecy as, “The One”. Time slows and you see bullets that should be rifling past him move like an NFL replay as Keanu bends and whips around them. DeFries is using a metaphor where D-Man is Keanu and the standard mean comments found with Kendra articles are bullets. On a side note it’s easy to be bitter when you’ve had love and lost it. I completely disagree with just about everything this article said.
I can see the gifs now shins but keep this shtick going please.
*Shibs (damn iPhone)
Imagine if I had a best Gif’s of the week column….
This is the second Matrix: Matrix Reloaded. I expected more out of you Shibby.
Damn it. I’m wrong.
*deFries
Sorry, I had a typo on my phone. But keep on doing what you’re doing. The readers all seem to love it 🙂
-Good talk.
http://i.imgur.com/66DFD.gif
This may be a stupid question and I think I’ve seen it here before, but any reason why only some gifs show up on the app? That being said, this one was perfect
If they aren’t linked to directly they don’t show up.
It’s been explained before, but I didn’t think the reason was important or interesting as the GIFs always show up for me so I promptly forgot it.
I imagine you were actually looking for said explanation and not just a yes or no- sorry, this is all I got.
Aww, cheer up Kendra. I’m sure there has to be one guy out there just as completely awful as you!
I come here for laughs, not depression. Get the fuck out, Kendra.
A chick talking about managing expectations in the real world is depressing? Or have you just not accepted the fact you might not ever find your one true Prince Charming so this hits too close to home?
Your name looks like Prince Charming slapped his dick on your keyboard.
That was my own dick thank you.
Prince Charming slapped your dick on the keyboard?
You eat pieces of shit for breakfast?
We’ve had writers like you before. lnsayers, emmasthing, and Caitie Warren etc they were just like you, singing the same “I just don’t get relationships” tune. Then they found someone to munch their box and we haven’t heard much from them since. Most cases, that’s been a good thing.
Catie > Kendra
I can’t understand why so many people start acting like common relationship practices/concepts are alien to them when they are not in one. Why designated couple nights? I mean… Why designated girls nights? Or sibling nights? Because they’re fun and you want to commit to spending time with these people. Why pet names? Because inside jokes. Do most well adjusted adults grow up and realize that the One is an unhealthy fantasy that can never be realized? Yes. Does an article on the Internet facilitate this process? No, not usually.
I can level on the couples night thing though. Maybe this isn’t even what she meant but I feel like if you’re in a relationship that’s serious at all then you’re going to have enough mutual interest in spending time together that you’re already going to make adequate plans without having to actually designate a specific “couple’s night” for that time.
No, there is, just not for miserable assholes like you.